A Dear Abbey letter. What is your take?

Marie_LPN, RN, LPN, RN · Dec 1, 2005

To me, a pt. isn't sexless. Their gender IS a part of who they are, and it's not like i can ignore that.

Ruby Vee, BSN · Dec 1, 2005

asoldierswife05 wrote:

i am just making a point...there are two sides to every story. the woman may be completely founded in her allegations or a complete prude...who knows? only da read the letter in its entirety and responded. i am not going to automatically side with the pt's wife...just playing devil's advocate to keep a fresh open minded perspective on the situation. since none of us were there, we can't decipher who was right and who was wrong. i have already stressed the importance of maintaining pt modesty, and i am simply expressing that you cannot take everything you hear or read for the gospel. perception can be different from reality.

to which grannynurse replied:

i have a feeling you are young. your attitude will change as you grow older, most likely. i am not automatically taking the wife's side but i did tend to respect my patient's privacy and assumed everyone else did and expected it.
grannynurse:balloons:

well i'm 50, and although my attitude has changed quite a bit since i was 25, i agree with asoldierswife05! while the patient's privacy is indeed very important and worthy of our respect, you cannot take everything a patient or his family says as gospel. none of us were there for the situation described, so it is impossible for us to know for sure what happened. the wife's perception may indeed be far from the reality of the situation. i found nothing in asoldierswife05's post to indicate immaturity or a need for an attitude adjustment. on the contrary -- i feel that if someone believes they can judge the reality of the situation and assign blame to the nurse without far more information, they need both more maturity and an attitude adjustment!

Ruby Vee, BSN · Dec 1, 2005

it would be so nice if people would not chalk up someone's opinion on a subject to them being young, and predicting their attitude would change as they grow older!
sorry, that's just rude.

and in this case, wrong.

live4today, RN · Dec 1, 2005

I would like to hear your opinions regarding this situation from a letter taken from Dear Abbey. Do you agree with Abbey? Or should the nurse have done something differently?
DEAR ABBY: While sitting with my husband in the hospital following his surgery, a nurse entered his room. We all chatted while she took his pulse, etc., when -- without warning -- she removed his covers to check the surgery site and totally exposed his genitals.
I was shocked and embarrassed, and have trouble ridding myself of the image of my naked husband lying there in front of another woman. I wish the nurse had given me the chance to leave the room.
Is there something wrong with me for having so much trouble with this? What can I do to avoid this in the future? -- RED-FACED IN EUGENE, ORE.
DEAR RED-FACED: On a scale of 10, I'd say you are probably an 8 on the "uptight" scale. You seem to have forgotten that the woman in the room with you was not a lap dancer, but a health-care professional performing her duties. Your husband was her patient, and in her eyes, was probably as sexless as a CPR dummy. To avoid embarrassment in the future, leave the room when the nurse enters

Abbey IS as Abbey speaks. :icon_roll She always speaks WITHOUT tact, so take what she dishes out with a grain of salt. That was insensitive and uncalled for...but as I said...look at the source of which it comes. :stone

I always give my patients the right to their privacy and ask them before examining them if they wish for their relatives, friends, etc. to be present during the exam/assessment or if they wish for them to leave while the exam is being performed. If they want them to stay during their assessment, I always try to keep them covered as much as possible when it comes to assessing their "private areas". Dignity remains even when a patient, and just because one is the nurse performing the exam makes it no less important for the nurse to honor the patient and his/her dignity and self-respect. :)

LydiaNN · Dec 1, 2005

Doesn't it go without saying that none of us were there? As for me, I respond to the post. If the post isn't wholly reflective of the situation, then of course my viewpoint might change. The OP's question was actually what we thought of the situation taken from Dear Abby's column, though, not what we think of the situation as it might actually have happened.

nurse4theplanet, RN · Dec 1, 2005

It would be so nice if people would not chalk up someone's opinion on a subject to them being young, and predicting their attitude would change as they grow older!
Sorry, that's just rude.

AMEN Marie.

nurse4theplanet, RN · Dec 1, 2005

asoldierswife05 wrote:
i am just making a point...there are two sides to every story. the woman may be completely founded in her allegations or a complete prude...who knows? only da read the letter in its entirety and responded. i am not going to automatically side with the pt's wife...just playing devil's advocate to keep a fresh open minded perspective on the situation. since none of us were there, we can't decipher who was right and who was wrong. i have already stressed the importance of maintaining pt modesty, and i am simply expressing that you cannot take everything you hear or read for the gospel. perception can be different from reality.
to which grannynurse replied:
well i'm 50, and although my attitude has changed quite a bit since i was 25, i agree with asoldierswife05! while the patient's privacy is indeed very important and worthy of our respect, you cannot take everything a patient or his family says as gospel. none of us were there for the situation described, so it is impossible for us to know for sure what happened. the wife's perception may indeed be far from the reality of the situation. i found nothing in asoldierswife05's post to indicate immaturity or a need for an attitude adjustment. on the contrary -- i feel that if someone believes they can judge the reality of the situation and assign blame to the nurse without far more information, they need both more maturity and an attitude adjustment!

thank you. i totally agree:)

nurse4theplanet, RN · Dec 1, 2005

Doesn't it go without saying that none of us were there? As for me, I respond to the post. If the post isn't wholly reflective of the situation, then of course my viewpoint might change. The OP's question was actually what we thought of the situation taken from Dear Abby's column, though, not what we think of the situation as it might actually have happened.

When I am responding to a post, I try to take into consideration both sides of the story before I begin my response to be fair and open minded. I also post with a bit of a sense of humor and take everything that is said with a grain of salt. My father has always said, "Believe nothing you read and only half of what you see!":rotfl: It is my experience that certain people are going to be offended no matter what you do, how you say things, or what your intentions were. It happens all the time in real life and on this board. If I took everything at face value, I feel I would be quite naive. But then again, like others posted, I am already naive for my way of thinking.

:rolleyes: DA is meant for entertainment purposes and I am sure the shock value of her response was well thought out...anybody ever consider that the original letter may have been completely made up or a spin off of another letter they recieved that they wanted to juice up a bit? So for entertainment purposes, I found it comical. If it was I who was the nurse, I would not want anyone to jump to conclusions just because a family member has a certain perception of the situation. And if I was the wife, I would have spoken to the nurse or nurse manager privately about my concerns...not written to DA.

Super_RN, BSN, RN · Dec 1, 2005

I couldn't agree more! This nurse's behavior was inappropriate, and the patient and his wife have every reason to question it.
Examining a patient's genitals without warning and in front of another person (regardless of whom that person is) is completely inappropriate. If he had just had genital surgery, the appearance was undoubtedly "altered" by swelling, bruising, sutures, drainage, etc. Not exactly the image one wants his/her spouse to carry. Willingly sharing one's body with a spouse in the privacy of home is a whole lot different than being unwillingly exposed in front of a third party in a hospital room.
How many of the women posters who have defended the nurse's actions would feel the same way if a female patient's episiotomy was exposed to male visitors by a male doctor?

I don't think she was examining his genitals. I believe it was the incision and his genitals were exposed in the process. I haven't read through the rest of these postings yet so I'm not sure what others have replied.

:) Super

grannynurse FNP student · Dec 1, 2005

It would be so nice if people would not chalk up someone's opinion on a subject to them being young, and predicting their attitude would change as they grow older!
Sorry, that's just rude.

How about this, some young people are born old, with old attitudes and old morals. Some old people are forever young and will remain young in their attitudes and morals. And there are those, who are young and will change, in thei9r attitudes and morals as they age. Are you now satisfied? I posted based on the poster's age, which was part ofr her/his information, just like you being 28 years old and my being 60.

And by the way, I have always respected another's right to privacy and respect, when I was 21 years old and through out my career.

Grannynurse:balloons:

grannynurse FNP student · Dec 1, 2005

thank you. I totally agree:)

I'm sorry, I assumed since your screenname is a soldierswife, that you were in your 20s or 30s, which when you hit sixty, is considered young. Sorry, I will not make that mistake again.

Grannynurse:balloons:

hbncns35 · Dec 1, 2005

Well, Let's see , I have run into this situation before...

Many times when helping to change a brief and the wife is in the room. She'll run out of the room because she doesn't want to look at IT. I think its ridiulous especially if you have an active sex life - Maybe she doesn't.

Nurses see plenty of genitals every day - We have to - As long as the patient doesn't mind, after asking of course, then there really shouldn't be a problem. We were all born without clothes on you know! Maybe its a product of that Adam and Eve thing? Shame? HB