Lost my husband on Holiday Break

Specialties School

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I haven't been on here in awhile. I and my husband, an educator was enjoying our school Holiday Break-Christmas, Christmas Eve, New Year's Eve and New Years. But then without warning, on January 7, 2018, while preparing for bed, he collapsed in front of me. I did CPR and later with my oldest college son. My youngest college son called 911, EMS arrived within 7 minutes. I saw the flat line but thought I could get a miracle. About an hour later after working on him, they finally told us, we had did everything right. They had tried to help him as well but that unfortunately, he passed. ( I am still awaiting the death certificate cause of death. He was a diabetic for 25 years and had minor symptoms of CHF in the last year but was very active). I am still in shock and don't think I am living in the real world yet. So, here I am back at work, a week after the funeral because the school doesn't have paid bereavement days for the staff. Wow, I suddenly empathize with past and future survivors of lost loved ones. I wrote the board, but they only referred me to HR. I do have strong family support and old and new friend support. I feel better to be back at work 3 days away from the quiet house. Can anybody share any helpful advice? Thank you.

Specializes in Med-surg, school nursing..

I am so, so, so sorry. Love and prayers for you and your children.

I would speak with your doctor to see if they could write for you to be off and see if it would qualify as short term disability, you need time to grieve. Oh, I am so sorry.

No, this was very helpful. This gives me hope. I do have family and faith. I guess I had the grief and time off concerns. Thank you.

I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you and your children.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I agree that there is no "correct" way to grieve. Are your sons in school nearby, where you can spend time with them?

Specializes in School nursing.

:hugs: and :hugs: I am sorry for your loss, and glad you have good support for your family, friends, and faith.

I'm not sure I have much advice re: additional time off. At my work, they do support it, but it may be unpaid to a degree. Any chance you could work out a reduced schedule at least to help in this grieving period? And looking into FMLA could be worth it.

Specializes in School Nursing.

I had to stop reading comments on this thread because I try really hard to not cry at my desk. What an amazing group of people in this little niche forum.

I would suggest contacting a local parish (any religion, even if not your own) for bereavement groups. I know my local church has a group but also refers to other area ones so that people have a variety of scheduling opportunities.

I am so sorry for your loss, xoxo

Specializes in ICU/community health/school nursing.

I join your virtual family and the family in your community in lifting you in prayer. You and your son were amazing!

I googled FMLA because I thought it might be useful but you cannot use it for bereavement leave, only for caring for someone sick. Here we have a sick leave bank that you can access if you need extra time off. Not sure if you have one or if they'd let you but it's worth a shot.

One son commutes from home to a nearby college working on his Masters and the other son is a Junior taking classes online. It is great that I am not home alone. I know some bigger districts do offer 3 days paid time off and thought I would get them to see it is needed for everyone. I can not afford to take unpaid time in light of my sudden income change. I got flowers from my school but the Admin. had not said one word to me. A secretary went and spoke to him and he said he didn't know what to say to me. Wow. I am too weak to help him talk to me right now. I'd rather not force anyone if they are uncomfortable. I have strong faith but am trying as my oldest son put it, make sense of God's future plan for me. Thanks for all the prayers.

Specializes in Pediatrics Retired.
One son commutes from home to a nearby college working on his Masters and the other son is a Junior taking classes online. It is great that I am not home alone. I know some bigger districts do offer 3 days paid time off and thought I would get them to see it is needed for everyone. I can not afford to take unpaid time in light of my sudden income change. I got flowers from my school but the Admin. had not said one word to me. A secretary went and spoke to him and he said he didn't know what to say to me. Wow. I am too weak to help him talk to me right now. I'd rather not force anyone if they are uncomfortable. I have strong faith but am trying as my oldest son put it, make sense of God's future plan for me. Thanks for all the prayers.

I know you are a strong woman and mother and nurse and all the roles you fulfill for others. Don't try to make sense of anything right now. It's OK to be angry, yell, scream, rage at God and ask him "what the #@&!??? He's ok with you being mad and He totally understands and is expecting it.

Specializes in Hospice.

Deepest condolences on your loss.

Even though your spouse wasn't a hospice patient, it may be helpful to contact a local hospice for bereavement resources.

I wish you peace and support through this journey.

Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.

I am so sorry for your loss.

I am so sorry for your loss. It is really untimely and I would give you a hug if I could. Is there any way to take some time off because its really fresh and you need time to grieve. Its hard to be strong with the rest of your family, but do what you need to to take care of yourself. Maybe as others suggested you could see a doctor and they could write a note. I don't know what will work but find what will work for you and what you need.

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