Lost my husband on Holiday Break

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I haven't been on here in awhile. I and my husband, an educator was enjoying our school Holiday Break-Christmas, Christmas Eve, New Year's Eve and New Years. But then without warning, on January 7, 2018, while preparing for bed, he collapsed in front of me. I did CPR and later with my oldest college son. My youngest college son called 911, EMS arrived within 7 minutes. I saw the flat line but thought I could get a miracle. About an hour later after working on him, they finally told us, we had did everything right. They had tried to help him as well but that unfortunately, he passed. ( I am still awaiting the death certificate cause of death. He was a diabetic for 25 years and had minor symptoms of CHF in the last year but was very active). I am still in shock and don't think I am living in the real world yet. So, here I am back at work, a week after the funeral because the school doesn't have paid bereavement days for the staff. Wow, I suddenly empathize with past and future survivors of lost loved ones. I wrote the board, but they only referred me to HR. I do have strong family support and old and new friend support. I feel better to be back at work 3 days away from the quiet house. Can anybody share any helpful advice? Thank you.

I haven't been on here in awhile. I and my husband, an educator was enjoying our school Holiday Break-Christmas, Christmas Eve, New Year's Eve and New Years. But then without warning, on January 7, 2018, while preparing for bed, he collapsed in front of me. I did CPR and later with my oldest college son. My youngest college son called 911, EMS arrived within 7 minutes. I saw the flat line but thought I could get a miracle. About an hour later after working on him, they finally told us, we had did everything right. They had tried to help him as well but that unfortunately, he passed. ( I am still awaiting the death certificate cause of death. He was a diabetic for 25 years and had minor symptoms of CHF in the last year but was very active). I am still in shock and don't think I am living in the real world yet. So, here I am back at work, a week after the funeral because the school doesn't have paid bereavement days for the staff. Wow, I suddenly empathize with past and future survivors of lost loved ones. I wrote the board, but they only referred me to HR. I do have strong family support and old and new friend support. I feel better to be back at work 3 days away from the quiet house. Can anybody share any helpful advice? Thank you.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

❤️❤️❤️

Specializes in Psychiatric Nursing.

I am so sorry to learn of your loss. My thoughts and prayers are for you and your family.

God bless and hold you Dimple58. :inlove:

Use sick time if you have to. What a shock for you and your family!

I am so sorry for your loss. Sending you love and light over these coming months. Please take care of yourself and ensure that you are properly caring for your grief through this hardship. PM me if you need any advice or love.

Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.

I am so sorry for your loss. I know what it's like to lose a husband and it's just devastating. It feels like the world has ended and nothing will ever be the same again.

I don't really have any words of wisdom for you; this journey is highly individualized and your experience will probably be very different from mine. Just be sure to allow yourself all the time necessary to grieve. Don't put it away too quickly. Our society doesn't like to see people grieve; it makes them uncomfortable and no one likes to be that way. We tend to try to go back to our old lives before we realize we can't, that we have to find a new life. This is why going back to work so soon may not always be the wisest course. If it truly makes you feel better, that's great, but please don't feel you're letting anyone down if you need more time away.

Thinking of you and sending good thoughts your way. God bless you.

Specializes in Med/Surge, Psych, LTC, Home Health.

I am very very sorry for your loss. ((Dimple58)) I don't know what

I would do... My husband' family has a history of both heart issues,

and sudden cardiac arrest and death. His mom died of heart failure,

his grandmother and all of her siblings

died suddenly from cardiac arrest. So I worry. :(

Prayers for you, Dear Dimples. Grief and heart sickness should be legitimate use of as may paid "sick days" off as you need!

hugs

Specializes in LTC, Rehab.

I'm so sorry. I got involved in a grief support group after my mother passed - I was her caregiver for her last 10 months or so, and that was one of several reasons I did 'this crazy nursing thing' later. It helped a bit at the time.

I know what you mean re: not feeling like you're living in the real world again yet. It can take a while. And speaking of that,

* Don't let anyone tell you how long is 'ok' to grieve

* Don't worry about how long you're grieving, and do it in your own way, in your own time

Specializes in M/S, LTC, Corrections, PDN & drug rehab.

I'm so very sorry. *hugs*

I am so sorry for your loss, how horrible. The advice I can offer is (from losing my own loved ones in traumatic and non traumatic ways).

First of all, work is a great distraction but allow yourself to grieve. Don'rush it and don't fight it, losing someone traumatically can take from a year ti a lifetime to get over.

Stay out of your own head, you nay find yourself thinking weird things- I believe this is just the minds way of coping-ignore those thoughts that say you should have known, done more etc, again just the minds way of distracting ourselves from the pain.

Find someone/somewhere to talk-sometimes it it hurts to talk because it reminds us the loss is real BUT each time you talk makes the pain slightly less intense.

Expect that some people you assume will be there for you-won't be, and some that you never expected to be there for you will be.

Allow yourself a certain amount of time every day to be sad, be mad, yell, cry or hit things, then after that time is up put your game face on (this strategy helped me immensely when my brother was killed)

Although it is hard to believe it doesnt get better but it does get easier.

Turn a deaf ear to curious comments and such.

Be kind to yourself, allow yourself more time to complete tasks, and DON'T make any major decisions without out at least looking over the details 3 times over 3 days.

Some days it will feel like it happened a day ago, others it will feel like it just happened, allow yourself time to grieve

After a loss like this it feels so weird when you turn on the TV or the news and people are acting normally, as if the world hasn't stopped in its tracks. I think that is one of the things that hurts most.

So sorry for you and your sons loss, I hope some of my advice will help you and your sons cope.

Specializes in School nursing.
One son commutes from home to a nearby college working on his Masters and the other son is a Junior taking classes online. It is great that I am not home alone. I know some bigger districts do offer 3 days paid time off and thought I would get them to see it is needed for everyone. I can not afford to take unpaid time in light of my sudden income change. I got flowers from my school but the Admin. had not said one word to me. A secretary went and spoke to him and he said he didn't know what to say to me. Wow. I am too weak to help him talk to me right now. I'd rather not force anyone if they are uncomfortable. I have strong faith but am trying as my oldest son put it, make sense of God's future plan for me. Thanks for all the prayers.

I'm glad your sons are with you and you can all grieve together.

Do you have any sick time left to use or have you already used your pool? My school, for example, does offer 8 days per year and they can be used as either sick/personal. This would qualify and we have recently talked about creating a "bank" of days others can donate to so that someone like yourself could pull from. Smaller districts may not this resource, of course. If you were in my district, I'd gladly donate some of my days to you!

More ::hugs::

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