Funniest Things Doctors say!

guest590593 · Aug 1, 2012

i thought it would be funny to share what a doctor AND 2 nurses said to me when i was having a c section in 2008. the nurse giving me an IV in my right hand said 'gah you took that like it was nothing!' (i honestly didnt even feel when she put the IV in lol) the anesthesiologist who was giving me my epidural said 'my you have a PERFECT teaching back!' haha thanks I THINK lol and the 2nd nurse said i followed orders very well for a women who was in pain LOL

Nascar nurse, ASN, RN · Aug 1, 2012

We have a good natured but smart a$$'ed Dr at my LTC. One of the nurses faxed him because a patient had a sinus infection and wanted something to relieve symptoms. Dr faxed back "Tissues to nares PRN". That was the only order.

proud nurse, BSN, RN · Aug 1, 2012

It was a slow afternoon in urgent care. I asked one of the docs if he could look at my foot ( I had a corn). He offered to whittle it down with a scalpel, and suggested we go into the treatment room since all the supplies were kept in there. All went well with the corn removal, but as we were returning to the nurses station he said to me, "that feels better, doesn't it? That should hold you for a few months." The other nurses knew what was going on, but our sweet little MD from the Phillipines about 60 years old and had no idea shouts "WHAT THE HELL?? What you DOING? That so wrong..."

LMAO!!

uRNmyway, ASN, RN · Aug 1, 2012

We had a frequent flyer in for COPD exacerbation on our med-surg floor. Doctors orders charted something along the lines of 'Unless she quits smoking, I have nothing more to say to her".

Had a patient crash and code (most likely CVA or infarct). ICU team comes, patient intubated, on his way to being transferred. Really overwhelmed looking resident orders PO Plavix and ASA. I had to ask someone else to look at it to confirm while the stress of the situation led us into a fit of giggles. When I asked him, at the bedside, if that was what he really wanted, he stopped, looked at the patient and said "Oh, yeah, maybe I should have ordered a NG tube for that huh?". Yeah doc, maybe so...

DemonWings · Aug 1, 2012

Resident in LTC wrote "elderly woman clearly psychotic today, states she has "frog in her throat"

*Stole this from somewhere, don't recall where exactly I saw it but I thought it was funny:)

RNJill · Aug 1, 2012

I had a patient who was EXTREMELY demanding and anxious. Her primary team had d/c'd her IV dilaudid and ativan (this was because her 10/10 abd pain didn't have a discernable cause and she of course had no clear psych history pointing to the need for ativan-LOL). Predictably enough the patient went CRAZY when I told her this, calling me every name imaginable and insisting that the attending (not "just a resident") be called back to the floor to "give her a reason for this ****" A frazzled looking resident came, another explosion ensued from the patient, but said resident refused to give in to the patient's wishes. After a few more hours of insanity from the patient, I finally called the resident and told him that something else needed to be done as the patient's yelling (at this point it was directed alternately at me and people she was venting to on her cell phone) was disturbing the entire unit. The resident then sighed loudly and said, "Fine, I'm writing an order for dilaudid...but after all of this I need someone to write an order for ME to have IV dilaudid, ativan, and quite a few drinks!!"

SaoirseRN · Aug 30, 2012

We had an extremely hard-of-hearing gentleman in our department one day. He had several medical issues and one of them required a consult from a urologist. So the urologist in question arrives late in the afternoon and goes into the patient's room (which happened to be a private room), and closes the door so they can have a private consultation.

Well, the guy is so deaf that he yells when he speaks, and in order to get him to hear you, you have to literally yell back at him. I'm actually standing in the next room, and can hear almost everything they are saying (so much for the private consultation).

The doctor introduces himself, and says, "I'm a urologist."

He must not have spoken quite loudly enough, because the patient says something about a neurologist and what's wrong with my brain?

The doctor clarifies:

"No, urologist! You know, the little brain?"

As I was chuckling to myself in the next room, the doctor followed up, a little mournfully, with, "That's a joke..."

MJB2010 · Aug 30, 2012

Best thread ever!!!!

AMN74 · Aug 30, 2012

25 years ago I started my career by working Peds and PICU. Back then most patients were directly admitted, but a few that did not get directly admitted to the floor had to go through the ER. The ER docs would have to give a preliminary diagnosis and write admitting orders to the floor.

I remember getting admitting orders for a kid who's admitting diagnosis was FLK with GOK. I asked everyone in the unit what a FLK with a GOK was, and nobody knew. The primary peds attending made rounds and looked at the chart. He asked me what a FLK with GOK was. I didn't know. So I paged the ER doc and asked him what the admitting diagnosis of FLK with GOK was. He responded, "Funny Looking Kid with God Only Knows".

So that was our admitting diagnosis. Wonder if that is an ICD code?

monkeybug · Aug 31, 2012

When I worked in NICU we had 24 hour CRNP coverage, so we called them in the middle of the night if we needed something. One of our NPs was really good, but slept like a rock. It was very hard to get her to actually wake up. She might be talking, but still asleep. I called one night with a bad ABG on a vent baby, a micro preemie, and her order was "give her 12cc's of saltine crackers." O_o

RunninOnCoffee · Aug 31, 2012

My pt had been in ICU going on 3 months since he was vent dependent and we have no pulmonary stepdown unit and I guess he was starting to get a little lonely from the wife so the doctor orders in his actual chart read 2 dancing girls and a stripper pole..... don't think that's an order I will EVER see again!! Hopefully that's not one that gets pulled for chart review when Joint Commission comes.

This one didn't happen to me, but a coworker on night shift at another hosptial. The nurse had a pt that was end stage cancer and enormous amounts of pain. The nurse did her best to call the doc to increase her pain meds. Unfortunately she had a doc that had one of those "fun" personalities that we all love to deal with so much. His response to her requests was, "Don't call me for this stupid...insert fun word here...in the middle of the night again". This nurse, with a lot more courage or stupidity, you choose, wrote exactly that in the orders. Needless to say he was not a happy camper when he came in the next morning and saw his "verbal telephone order" in the chart the next morning.

Fun times!!

SaoirseRN · Sep 1, 2012

This is more what he did than said, but it was still funny...

About four years ago, working a shift on the medical floor, my work partner and I had this patient, who we both knew from previous shifts, an elderly lady whose behavior had kind of gone "off". We suspected a UTI, and because she was not continent, we called her GP to let him know we suspected a UTI and would need to do an in and out catheter to get the spec.

So we go get that done, and as the urine comes out of the catheter into the bottle, it looks exactly like pulpy orange juice (if you can see the leukocytes, you know you've got a UTI!)

Fast forward to the next morning, and I happen to be standing next to the fax machine when the lab reports are printing. Her urinalysis report was there, like I thought positive for the highest amount of leukocytes possible.

I handed it to her GP and said, "I didn't need this to tell me that, because her urine looked just like pulpy orange juice."

And the GP (who is lovely and one of my favourites), could not reply because he was gagging too hard to speak!