Funniest Things Doctors say!

Nurses Humor

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What is the funniest thing that a doctor has ever charted, stated, or ordered! :lol2:

I had a patient with end stage AIDS. The patient's doctor came up to me and asked me how her kyphosis sarcomas are looking. I stated, "Well those sarcomas do appear alittle arched!" lol. He asked me if I was being funny or serious and that this was a serious matter because if I didn't know already the patient would inevitably die!

Aaaa, no duh sherlock!:yeah:

Specializes in LTC.

Called a MD for a SBP of 60, the poor patient felt the room spinning despite laying flat down. I was told to "just monitor it"

I clarified....

Yep "just monitor it."

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Specializes in Cardiac ICU.

MD's notes: "Crackles here and everywhere", " Still passing Pus#y discharge from the left abd drain". :)

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While doing billing for the office (I work as a CNA and do some billing as well.), I noticed that our doctor had noted on the bottom of the progress note:

"Pt states she likes Elvis, too." Just so you know, our doctor is HUGE Elvis fan :)

Oh, then there was the time that our old doctor tried doing his notes by dictation... Some poor woman wound up "sucking on a citrus," we never could figure out what that was supposed to be!

:w00t:

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Specializes in med/surg.

Ha ha!

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Specializes in PeriOperative.

While dictating a spine case "...it was stuck, so I took a kocher and ripped it out."

"The malpractice attorney will love that statement right there!"

"...sorry, change that to 'the lamina was dislodged in the typical fashion.'"

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Duoneb q4h per rectal for SOB.....:lol2::lol2:

Pulmonary toileting ????? :D

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Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.

"yes i do want q 1 hour abgs done even though the patient is a dnar and even though she's a peripheral stick. i ordered it, didn't i???" (written in giant block letters over an entire order sheet.)

"flower care every 24 hours." (same doc -- also written in giant block letters over an entire order sheet. (patient had complained that the nurses were allowing her floral arrangements to die.)

"do not page me to a code unless there really is one." (same doc -- a first year resident -- wasn't answering his pages, so we went up the chain of command until we got the attending. the attending walked into the ccu, picked up the phone in the patient's room called a code. the resident never did believe us when we told him that his attending, not the nurse, called the code. the patient was fine, but i think her husband had heart failure when the entire code team showed up.)

"dopamine 5 mcg/kg/min forever." (questioned one too many times about the parameters for titrating that dopamine drip. we actually did d/c the drip before we discharged her.)

"i don't care what his temperature is, i want warmed saline infused." (temperature was 38.5.) (celsius, before someone asks.) text message from surgeon to intensivist. somehow, the intensivist managed to copy that text message and send it to the entire nursing staff. i'm sure that was a mistake. really.

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This is a hilarious thread! Love it! :yeah:

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Specializes in Intermediate care.

Today, the doctor and i had a big misunderstanding, it ended up being really funny actually.

It was a lady doctor, who is just AMAZING. She is just...o my gosh, i love her!! And so does everyone else.

Anyway, i am in this morning with my patient getting her up in the chair to eat breakfast. This doc and the team comes in for rounds. The doctor sees the patients SCD's (still in the packet they came in) sitting on the table. I was JUST going to put them on as they just came up. So instead of leaving them there, The doctor actually stepped into help me with these SCD's while talking with the patient (crazy huh!?)

Anyway, she picks up the package and takes the patient's charge card sticker off the package. So you have to imagine, the doctor standing there with the patient charge card sticker in one hand, and the SCD's in the other.

She looks at me and says "Now where do these normally go?"

my reply "Those go on her legs." i said it DEAD serious, so matter of fact like i was the most brilliant person on the world.

the doctor about busted a gut laughing. "No i mean where does the charge card sticker go?" :yeah:

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Specializes in Intermediate care.

OoooOOoo another one, a few weeks ago.

a new resident is placing orders in the doctor computer room. Sees me passing by. stops me and says "Now is .45% normal saline the same thing as half normal saline?"

YES!!! good job :)

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Specializes in Intermediate care.
Years ago I accompanied a very distinguished OB doc to do a vag exam on a grand multip (her 11th baby) also this patient was rather large. Outside it was a raging thunderstorm, just as the doc started the vag exam a clap of lightning and boom, the lights went out. Without missing a beat I heard this very quiet little voice say, "Oh my God, I've fallen in." I thought I would die laughing. Even the patient and her husband thought it was hilarious. I never looked at that rather stuffy, dignified doctor the same after.

Omg, i think i would have NOT been able to hold something like that in. I would laugh so hard every time i saw that doctor.:lol2: :yeah:

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"yes i do want q 1 hour abgs done even though the patient is a dnar and even though she's a peripheral stick. i ordered it, didn't i???" (written in giant block letters over an entire order sheet.)

"flower care every 24 hours." (same doc -- also written in giant block letters over an entire order sheet. (patient had complained that the nurses were allowing her floral arrangements to die.)

"do not page me to a code unless there really is one." (same doc -- a first year resident -- wasn't answering his pages, so we went up the chain of command until we got the attending. the attending walked into the ccu, picked up the phone in the patient's room called a code. the resident never did believe us when we told him that his attending, not the nurse, called the code. the patient was fine, but i think her husband had heart failure when the entire code team showed up.)

"dopamine 5 mcg/kg/min forever." (questioned one too many times about the parameters for titrating that dopamine drip. we actually did d/c the drip before we discharged her.)

"i don't care what his temperature is, i want warmed saline infused." (temperature was 38.5.) (celsius, before someone asks.) text message from surgeon to intensivist. somehow, the intensivist managed to copy that text message and send it to the entire nursing staff. i'm sure that was a mistake. really.

:smackingf

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