Funniest Things Doctors say!

OK.... drug/alcohol rehab center; weekend MD rounds. An alcoholic (pure- no drugs) had a nasty URI. He was really miserable, and caught up with the doc. He asked if there were ANYTHING else he could have for the symptoms. The doc checked his MARs, and looked at the guy (straight face) and told him "My God, you on everything but roller skates" (I lost it )

I had a surgeon leave a patient's room after "examining" him and told me we needed to ambulate the patient more. I tried to politely redirect him by saying "do you mean you would like us to take him out of his room in a wheelchair some due to his double amputee status". He stuttered a little and said "yes, he needs to get out of his room some and a wheelchair would be fine". :)

I had a surgeon leave a patient's room after "examining" him and told me we needed to ambulate the patient more. I tried to politely redirect him by saying "do you mean you would like us to take him out of his room in a wheelchair some due to his double amputee status". He stuttered a little and said "yes, he needs to get out of his room some and a wheelchair would be fine". :)

I hope this was at least the on-call doc

From a doc with a great sense of humor. He wrote in the chart for a scared but sweet little Canadian old lady who just happened to be named Victoria on Victoria Day:

Today is Victorias' day!!!! Really boosted her morale when everyone who went into the room made a big deal about it being "her" day.

Secondly for the nursing staff on a bad night of crazy patients he gave us an order sheet that said: Bat, aluminum, apply to head until twitching stops prn for patient or self. lol. This order got hung up in our break room.

Then there was the doc that wrote the following order for a pt. who had anal stitches that were painful.

Lidocaine, PO, for anal stitch.

"Well,what do you want ME to do?" Gee,I don't know-I didn't go to med school......And- "Tune tv to General Hospital every day" for a LTC fella who was in a persistent vegetative state....

Then there was the doc that wrote the following order for a pt. who had anal stitches that were painful.

Lidocaine, PO, for anal stitch.

Years ago I accompanied a very distinguished OB doc to do a vag exam on a grand multip (her 11th baby) also this patient was rather large. Outside it was a raging thunderstorm, just as the doc started the vag exam a clap of lightning and boom, the lights went out. Without missing a beat I heard this very quiet little voice say, "Oh my God, I've fallen in." I thought I would die laughing. Even the patient and her husband thought it was hilarious. I never looked at that rather stuffy, dignified doctor the same after.

Doc walked by and glanced in at a man with a huge belly that would not keep covered.

WHOA IT LOOKS LIKE HE NEEDS TO TAKE A HUGE DUMP!

Duoneb q4h per rectal for SOB.....:lol2:

Duoneb q4h per rectal for SOB.....:lol2:

Wow, did you page respiratory for that one?

Called a MD for a SBP of 60, the poor patient felt the room spinning despite laying flat down. I was told to "just monitor it"

I clarified....

Yep "just monitor it."