Funniest Things Doctors say!

Nurses Humor

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What is the funniest thing that a doctor has ever charted, stated, or ordered! :lol2:

I had a patient with end stage AIDS. The patient's doctor came up to me and asked me how her kyphosis sarcomas are looking. I stated, "Well those sarcomas do appear alittle arched!" lol. He asked me if I was being funny or serious and that this was a serious matter because if I didn't know already the patient would inevitably die!

Aaaa, no duh sherlock!:yeah:

Specializes in Intermediate care.

"do not page me to a code unless there really is one." (same doc -- a first year resident -- wasn't answering his pages, so we went up the chain of command until we got the attending. the attending walked into the ccu, picked up the phone in the patient's room called a code. the resident never did believe us when we told him that his attending, not the nurse, called the code. the patient was fine, but i think her husband had heart failure when the entire code team showed up.)

yikes, that attending meant business.

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Specializes in med/surg.

So the Dr came in early this am and ordered "1. Ok for patient to die"

I said thanx dr i will go let the patient know that!:dncgcpd:

Also, I was talking to a male doctor about a patient starting her womanhood and needing something for cramping. He ordered "Anti cramping pill" So I scanned it down to pharmacy! Haha! :brnfrt:

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We had just started using an electronic medical record at our pediatric primary care office so messages from parents could be sent to the doctors. A mother was requesting advice from the doctor because she was going to be flying on a plane with her baby for the first time and wanted to know what she could do if the baby kept crying. The doctor replied...

"Bring ear plugs and offer to buy everyone on the plane a drink."

I don't think he realized that he wrote this in the patient's permanent electronic medical record...

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Specializes in LTC.

Nothing the doctor actually said, but...I was 8 1/2 months pregnant with my first son. I had a horrible sinus infection and the clinic worked me in on a Friday. They put me in one of the MD offices they were so full. MD comes in, obviously in a major hurry, never even looks at me...orders abx. I ask him if it would be safe for the baby--he looks up for the first time and you should have seen his face!! He slowed down after that and looked it up for me, LOL!!

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Specializes in Cardiac.
Years ago I accompanied a very distinguished OB doc to do a vag exam on a grand multip (her 11th baby) also this patient was rather large. Outside it was a raging thunderstorm, just as the doc started the vag exam a clap of lightning and boom, the lights went out. Without missing a beat I heard this very quiet little voice say, "Oh my God, I've fallen in." I thought I would die laughing. Even the patient and her husband thought it was hilarious. I never looked at that rather stuffy, dignified doctor the same after.

Ok this made me really laugh out loud! :yeah:

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Specializes in Critical Care, ED, Cath lab, CTPAC,Trauma.
Years ago I accompanied a very distinguished OB doc to do a vag exam on a grand multip (her 11th baby) also this patient was rather large. Outside it was a raging thunderstorm, just as the doc started the vag exam a clap of lightning and boom, the lights went out. Without missing a beat I heard this very quiet little voice say, "Oh my God, I've fallen in." I thought I would die laughing. Even the patient and her husband thought it was hilarious. I never looked at that rather stuffy, dignified doctor the same after.

:hhmth::hhmth:Now that's FUNNY!!!!!!!! :yeah:

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Specializes in Medical Assisting.
Called a MD for a SBP of 60, the poor patient felt the room spinning despite laying flat down. I was told to "just monitor it"

I clarified....

Yep "just monitor it."

:uhoh3: FOR real? LOL Nurse to patient: is the room still spinning?

patient: why yes, round and round.

:lol2:

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Specializes in Psychiatry, Telemetry, Med/Surg.

I had a dr. see a patient in pain the other day. After we left the room the dr. said "Do you think I should add more morphine or give her some dilaudid?" I was like,.... You are the dr., not me, so why are you asking me? He was like "I just dont know what to do!" And he was serious.

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I had a doc chart once, "Pt complained his chest started hurting Sunday evening while watching football game. It must have been pre-season football as the NFL or college season has not yet begun."

very good assessment, doctor.

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Specializes in Trauma Surgery, Nursing Management.

I was working with our Chief of Orthopaedics, who tends to not take himself seriously. He was doing a hip hemiarthroplasty and had just fininshed reaming. He then told the rep that he was 'ready for head.' We were all snickering, and then burst into fits of hilarity when he instructed the resident to 'bang with three long strokes'.

This is the same doc that loves to announce, "Suck Beans!" when he is ready for the beanbag to be suctioned.

Ortho is a very funny place to work.

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Specializes in ICU, medsurg/tele.
I had a dr. see a patient in pain the other day. After we left the room the dr. said "Do you think I should add more morphine or give her some dilaudid?" I was like,.... You are the dr., not me, so why are you asking me? He was like "I just dont know what to do!" And he was serious.

I told the MD about a low BP yesterday and I sat in their work area with the intern and resident debating different treatments (restart neo gtt or IVF bolus). The resident finally looks at me and says "well what do you want me to do?" I starred at him and he said "well idk what to do and you guys usually come in here telling us what you want ordered" hahaha.

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I worked with a doctor in LTC who has a distinctive Middle Eastern accent. He frequently answered his cell phone (after checking caller ID, of course) with, "NO SOUP FOR YOU!" The first time I heard him say it I laughed so hard I cried.

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