Funniest Things Doctors say!

Nurses Humor

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What is the funniest thing that a doctor has ever charted, stated, or ordered! :lol2:

I had a patient with end stage AIDS. The patient's doctor came up to me and asked me how her kyphosis sarcomas are looking. I stated, "Well those sarcomas do appear alittle arched!" lol. He asked me if I was being funny or serious and that this was a serious matter because if I didn't know already the patient would inevitably die!

Aaaa, no duh sherlock!:yeah:

I didn't get the joke.

The doctor was nice enough to offer to help, except when it comes to getting a large, barely mobile patient up off the floor, he is kind of out of his comfort zone. The nurse knew that and sent him to find nurses who knew what they were doing.

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Specializes in Transitional Nursing.

I asked a doc if he wanted that EKG with or without contrast. ( I was a newbie secretary and intimidated). He replied " I'd like it with ink please so I can read it ". Smh. I try not to talk now... Lol

Same doc few months later comes in to send a patient to ICU.... She was a DNR, and had what we think was a major stroke. Anyway, I'm asking doc about this little lady, wanting to know if she was expected to make it. He looks at me and says "she's FTD". So I'm like hmmm don't think I've heard that before, was racking my brain for what it stood for. Finally I asked him and he says "fixin to die". SMH. Really, it wasn't funny but it kinda was.

"No day but today"

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Discussing a patient in the context of "we have tried everything and nothing is working."

I said to the doctor, "Did you try waving the magic wand?"

He gives me the oddest look, shakes his head, and said, "Sorry, that just made me think of Magic Mike."

(Movie about male strippers, for those unaware)

I replied, "Well don't wave THAT magic wand!" then instantly turned bright read when I realized my voice had operated before my brain kicked in.

He laughed, but oh my, was I embarrassed!

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So we have this dr shes very rude and disrespectful to nurses. One day im sitting at tele when she comes up demanding pt so in so's chart! Yelling at me like i stole it... I look at her n point at the chart she's holding! Same dr... I call her to inform her that her pt had a bp of 210/110. Her reply "bolus with 1000cc"

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Really? Bolus? REALLY?

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Specializes in med/surg; floatpool, mom/baby, nursery.

As we are a very close group of girls who work well together, I walk into the nursery one evening and say, "what's up ******!" I then step a little closer and see a MD sitting around the corner charting. I was so embarrased I said, "omg I'm so sorry I didn't know you were sitting in here!" He says "thats ok, I think I will try saying that the next time I come in here".

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Specializes in Pediatric Cardiology.

I had a patient that broke her arm and was in a sling. She needed to see PT so I asked the doctor to put an activity order in, I figured I would get the normal: NWB RUE. Nope, "No handstands."

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I had a surgeon leave a patient's room after "examining" him and told me we needed to ambulate the patient more. I tried to politely redirect him by saying "do you mean you would like us to take him out of his room in a wheelchair some due to his double amputee status". He stuttered a little and said "yes he needs to get out of his room some and a wheelchair would be fine". :)[/quote']

Hmm...back peddling much?!

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Specializes in Intermediate care.

Had a doc trying to order "Half normal saline." He gets on the computer, pulls up normal saline orders and looks confused. He looks at me, "Is .45% the same as half?"

um........excuse me?? (This was an intern thankgod, but still lets get real now.)

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I was caring for an obese frequent flier. He became very SOB with any activity, but his second problem was that he couldn't stand up to urinate so he would pee on himself so his groin was painful due to excoriation. I asked him if he would be ok with a Foley catheter. He said ok so I called the GP for an order. Unfortunately when I tried to insert it, I was unsuccessful. I called the GP back to notify him that I was not able to place the catheter and I got yelled for being unable to do something so basic and was told he was going to call in a "professional". The next shift, I found out a urologist came in to see the patient and his note said "unable to place catheter; unable to locate member"...I got a huge laugh out of it and felt vindicated!

Post op cabg patient who has a history of quadreplegia was finally stable and extubated. CT fellow comes in and asks "has he been out of bed yet?" I reply "no". CT fellow states "I want him ambulated TID". I look at him with a raised eyebrow and asked him "did you fix his legs too? cuz he didn't walk before heart surgery!"

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Specializes in Hospice, corrections, psychiatry, rehab, LTC.

I was caring for a patient who had severe psoriasis. He was being treated with coal tar shampoo. The doctor wanted to discontinue the therapy, but couldn't recall what he was stopping. The order read, literally, "DC black crap".

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ha! I had the same thing happen...a paraplegic with orders for 'ambulation in hallways' for dvt measures.

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