No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

[OCNRN63]

I thought those words earlier today after reading another thread that started to go sideways because some had an issue with the OP. This seems to be happening frequently; the OP will start a thread with the best of intentions; then someone responds with personal attacks against the OP (and misses the point of the post); then others pile on additional negative posts against the OP,

rendering the thread useless.

I wonder if those who try to debate the poster and not the post do anything to make AN a more welcoming place. Do they share their knowledge or experience with others? What have they done to become a valued member of AN?

I'm sure I'll be criticized for starting this thread. I may even have a few people take shots at me. I'm tough; if I can handle cancer, I can handle criticism from anonymous posters on a forum.

So how have you helped to make AN a positive place where nurses can learn from each other?

[RNsRWe, ASN, RN]

Not if you read many of the nasty responses to even if a simple truthful answer is posted. Many of the one or two post "student" members post vile, venomous responses when seasoned members redirect or even try and direct the member to discovering the answer. The nasty retorts when it's explained the intent of an interview assignment is to go interview a licensed nurse face to face not post on an anonymous message board with no way to verify identity (and we give a multitude of suggestions to try)

If you saw some of the vulgar PMs and posts I've personally gotten for refusing to do someone's homework or illegally post copyrighted material or not giving the answer the poster wanted and gently posting the truth you would never return to this site.

I'd like to offer up the Holy Grail of AN: I recently had a new grad send me a lovely PM, thanking me for my posts, that they were appreciated. Refreshing!

[Madras]

I'd like to offer up the Holy Grail of AN: I recently had a new grad send me a lovely PM, thanking me for my posts, that they were appreciated. Refreshing!

That's awesome RNsRWe!!

Nice to see a positive note with the crazed resistance seen of late!

[RNsRWe, ASN, RN]

You ain't kiddin'!

I just tooled around the threads and I think it's time to call it a night. Starting to get pivved off at what I'm seeing and not interested in losing sleep because of it

'night :)

[Madras]

Ahhh sleep.

i think I'll follow suit.

[VivaLasViejas, ASN, RN]

I've been with AN for 12 years next month, and lurked for a couple more before I signed on as a member. Believe me, this isn't the first round of unpleasantness we've had here, nor will it be the last. I was a moderator for six years, and we went through several spasms like this that made us do a lot of soul-searching. But they always passed, and this will too. The staff here are very dedicated to making this the best site it can be; but they can't be everywhere and they shouldn't have to babysit us. It's up to us to maintain our professionalism, even when we're just venting on the boards, and to show the students and newer nurses how NOT to "eat our young".

Just a few thoughts from one of the "crusty old bats". :)

[JustBeachyNurse, LPN]

I think the craziness cycles. It's hard to handle when it's intentionally directed at you, though I've noticed many members (new and old) stepping up to call out the unnecessary venomous bullying. Granted tone of voice is hard to decipher on a message board but some statements are definitely inciting and intended as personal attacks and against ToS of pretty much any civil message board.

I have noticed in the past few days more members stepping up to help and also "speaking up" to clarify miscommunications or even in defense of others.

Aside from venomous or mean posts, the resurrection of zombie threads from 2, 3, 5 or more years ago drives me batty. Especially if the resurrecting post was to try and incite or refuel a long extinguished fire.

As with any "group project" sometimes you need to know when to walk away and take a break.

[phuretrotr]

Would it be okay to suggest that allnurses create a designated forum category for bullying? I thought there was once one but I can't seem to find it; all of the bullying topics are in the 'General Nursing Discussion' category. It may clear the 'General Nursing Discussion' of topics that some get tired of seeing day-to-day when browsing the most popular category on allnurses.

Edit: Maybe the category can encompass all relation problems in the workplace.

Edit (3rd times a charm): I do see Nurse Colleague/Patient Relations but many of the topics dealing with bullying are often not moved to this one.

I don't know, just a suggestion.

[traumaRUs, MSN, APRN]

Colleague and Patient Relations

Nurse Colleague / Patient Relations

[Been there,done that, ASN, RN]

I think the general idea is that, since this is a site devoted to the most trusted profession (and, emphasis on the "profession"), the discourse would be elevated beyond what is typical of "teh innerwebz." But, no, like the above post stated, it's still the internet. People go bonkers sometimes beyond reason.

Agreed!

Now stop sticking your tongue out at me.

[Lev, MSN, RN, NP]

I think members of AN have to put their preconceived notions of nurses or students in certain generations aside. Don't make such a big deal about generational differences. There is something to learn from everyone. Also, NOONE should be ridiculed for feeling or thinking a certain way, even if you don't agree. There is a way to respectfully disagree without making someone feel stupid or isolated or less of a person for feeling a certain way. Even if life is tough for you as a nurse and you are strong enough to put up with it, that doesn't mean someone else is able to put up with it. If they need certain basic conditions to be met in order to succeed and they manage to get it.. All the power to them. Easier said than done.

[Wheels28]

I think members of AN have to put their preconceived notions of nurses or students in certain generations aside. Don't make such a big deal about generational differences. There is something to learn from everyone. Also NOONE should be ridiculed for feeling or thinking a certain way, even if you don't agree. There is a way to respectfully disagree without making someone feel stupid or isolated or less of a person for feeling a certain way. Even if life is tough for you as a nurse and you are strong enough to put up with it, that doesn't mean someone else is able to put up with it. If they need certain basic conditions to be met in order to succeed and they manage to get it.. All the power to them. Easier said than done.[/quote']

I wish I could like this 100x. Well said.

[nursel56]

I would just like to add that the snarky/snide comments suck. There is a difference between constructive criticism and plain ole criticism. I started a thread this past week and received A LOT of supportive comments as well as suggestions, I also got one where the poster told me to "grow up", and let me tell you that one comment hit me like a ton of bricks. It was completely insensitive and unnecessary. And I've seen similar comments and attacks on other threads. People don't post on here looking to be attacked and it's sad it happens.

It does happen. It seems to happen no matter what someone writes. Sometimes I'm truly surprised at how much pretzel-twisting someone would have to do to see something negative in certain posts, but they almost always do.

It helps to know yourself. I'm like you. I could get 50 wonderful replies and the one snarky or snide comment would hit like a ton of bricks. I don't mind that when we're talking about ideas or concepts, or book learnin' stuff. When it's personal I do. So I don't share very much personal stuff on the public boards. I like to say it's "enlightened self-interest" but even if it's just over-sensitivity I don't put myself in a position to have it happen.

Sometimes it happens anyway because some AN members feel they can give you a personality test and a long-distance psych eval right through their keyboards!