dream job ended

Nurses General Nursing

Published

Four months ago I left my beloved med-surg job in a small community hospital for a dream ICU job in a large academic center. My fascination with the ICU job started 3 years ago when my goal was CRNA school. I entered NP school a year ago after realizing that I enjoy the interaction with patients more than machines and drips. I have a lot on my plate, a new baby, a toddler, part-time school, full-time work. However, I still made the leap for the new dream ICU job without hesitation. Call me crazy, I thought I can do it all.

My first preceptor was a control freak. With an associate degree and a little over a year experience, she made me feel intimidated and stupid every day during my first 6 weeks orientation and only gave me 1 step down patient even after the boss spoke to her. I caught up with my 2nd preceptor. I really like my 2nd and 3rd preceptor. I showered them with coffee and little gifts because I really appreciate them. I had 18 weeks orientation and I thought I may just need maybe a week or two to be ready but my boss insisted that I don't have critical thinking skills and the foundation to be in ICU. Thinking back, I think those words are the words of my 3rd preceptor (gosh I really like her and I thought that she is my friend).

The doctors I worked with at the small hospital told me that I can probably do some consults for them (since I had so many questions for why and how to treat pts) and my coworkers said I am a good nurse. What you mean I don't have critical thinking skills and foundation to be in ICU? I didn't do well with my first sick sick patient assignment but I did well with the next few (independently took care of two ICU pts). It's easy for my preceptor to criticize without moving a finger. Can she do a perfect job?

For a week or two, I was upset and hard on myself. I was offered another position in the cardiac observational unit. They are actually excited that I will be there. I also am able to transfer to the new cardiac step-down unit in the summer.

Thanks for reading. I guess it is what it is. I tried my best and I still don't know why I insisted to go to ICU and what exactly this experience will benefit my career in the future. but things work out certain ways for a reason and I'm sure one day I will find out.

The fact that your preceptor has an associates degree is completely irrelevant. The context you used made it sound degrading.

I hope cardiac step down is a better opportunity for you and less stress.

Sometimes personalities clash. Someone can be your friend and not think you will well on the floor. Enjoy your new job and perhaps when you have less on your plate, try again

The fact that your preceptor has an associates degree is completely irrelevant. The context you used made it sound degrading.

I hope cardiac step down is a better opportunity for you and less stress.

That really jumped out at me, too. And it might be better not to shower your preceptors with gifts. It could possibly make them feel awkward about offering constructive criticism ...or even give them the impression that you're trying to substitute gifts for doing adequate work.

It's sounds like you've been successful in your past position and have a very good chance of success in your next one. Good luck to you.

I agree with the previous posts. You clearly have the potential to be successful again. Some words to the wise. Your preceptors should not be your friends during your orientation period and you should not think of them as such. I'm betting all those gifts made them extremely uncomfortable. I'm a seasoned preceptor and it would have made me nuts. A little token at the end is fine but "showering" them with gifts was over the top. It smacks of being a suck-up and, frankly, they should have put a stop to it. That's on them. The next problem, not having the critical thinking skills they were looking for, just means that you weren't putting things together like they wanted. To some people it comes naturally. For others it takes time in progressively acute areas. It sounds like they think its achievable in you but you need more time. There's nothing wrong with that. The last thing I have for you is lose the attitude about ADN's. What you said was inflammatory and rude and, not to put to fine of a point on it, I want to point out that that ADN successfully made it through orientation and is still part of the staff of the ICU and is a preceptor to boot. Something to think about. Good luck in your new position. Hopefully you'll have a better experience and find the same success you had at the other hospital.

I caught the tone as well. Just know that your preceptors are looking out for the patients, who are the ones who really matter. I remember as a new grad getting questions like "you didn't learn that in nursing school?" or getting told "you need to look that up" - I remember feeling resentful and bullied. But I stepped back and looked at the big picture. I was fortunate enough to land a job at a hospital in a saturated market with just my associate's degree; I was fortunate enough to have people who looked out for me; and in the end it was up to me to prove myself and to make the people who interviewed me not regret hiring me when there were 20 other new graduates, some with their BSN's and would've added to the magnet culture, who were passed over while I got selected. I think OP needs to separate the emotion from the constructive feedback. I understand some people do not phrase things softly, but in the end, it's to protect the patients from any potential harm.

Here's an example: at my hospital, we have 5/8's needles and 1 inch needles - the 5/8's are for subq and the 1 inch are for IM injections. They're both orange. I see plenty of new grads grabbing the 1 inch needles and using them for Heparin subq injections. Those nurses are hurting patients and whoever oriented them also failed those patients.

Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).

Some thoughts:

When on is unsure of the reason for their actions and express, an outreach could be a request for feedback.

A critique is given in order for us to gain insight, although many of us take critiques as negative putdowns. Some of the best lessons we learn in life are often the most difficult, for we have to do some self-examination, and that's usually not an easy thing to do.

Leaving a beloved job for a dream job brings to mind the old adage, "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush". Sometimes we sabotage our contented position in life for "what could be" as if we are attracted to our lives beiing in flux. Type "T" personalities are like that- seeking the thrill of defeat, and every now and then hitting on success. With Type T personalities, it's not attaining the goal that's important, but the thrill of the ride and the possibility of failure. With failure comes new thrills!

In saying that others made us feel a certain way says that another has control over our feelings, which is not reality. We choose the feel the way we feel; It is us who are responsible for our own feelings. We often criticize and pigeonhole others in order to make ourselves feel better about a situation. We believe that if others acted as they should, we wouldn't have to make up for their shortcomings and our subsequent failures.

In our endeavor to gain insight to the reason why we do what we do, journaling is a very therapeutic method of self-examination. Using pen and paper, we can write our thoughts and feelings for later review, for it is our temporal ancestor, and not who we are in the present, that expressed themselves. We can distance ourselves from the person who wrote those words, "as the mountain is clearer to the climber from the plain" (Kahlil Gibran).

Okay. That's enough for now. Thanks.

You lost me at "With an associate degree". Perhaps that attitude was some of your problem.

Specializes in critical care, ER,ICU, CVSURG, CCU.

You would have loved me, with my diploma school program, but you would have benefit of an RN with 45.5 years experience in CCU, CVICU...ER, Pacu HN on Cv step down, HN in ER & Supv of ER and the list goes on....... But if you were teachable you would be a very good new RN in a short while.... I love to teach....

My advice get off your BSN pedastle.....and appreciate a preceptor or director, " who has been there and done that......

I had 18 weeks orientation and I thought I may just need maybe a week or two to be ready but my boss insisted that I don't have critical thinking skills and the foundation to be in ICU. Thinking back, I think those words are the words of my 3rd preceptor (gosh I really like her and I thought that she is my friend).

...What you mean I don't have critical thinking skills and foundation to be in ICU? I didn't do well with my first sick sick patient assignment but I did well with the next few (independently took care of two ICU pts). It's easy for my preceptor to criticize without moving a finger. Can she do a perfect job?

Cherry picking through your post these two thoughts jumped out at me as points you might want to use for some self-reflection and use those critical thinking skills to examine why they indicate a lack of insight as to the lessons others tried to teach you.

Though you did not say, I am quite sure that at some point in an 18 week orientation you were counseled about these issues and chose to make it a personal attack rather than take the constructive criticism to heart and amend your practice.

As others have posted, it takes some emotional maturity to take negative feedback in and learn from it. I am not being condescending here, it took me years to get over my self-righteous indignation over someone questioning my practice and to learn to shut my mouth and open my ears mind and heart. Take that with you having way too much on your plate you set yourself up for failure. Learn from all this instead of playing the blame game and make the most of it.

Specializes in OR.

I worked my way through nursing school at a large Level I trauma center as a surgical tech. Boy Howdy, I was a good tech. I could scrub anything from craini's to crash traumas. I, too ultimately had my eye on CRNA school. So fresh out of nursing school I bounced my way into the SICU. I was gonna do fantastic!! Right? I knew all about surgery. So surgical ICU was gonna be a snap.

Uhhhh, not exactly.....I ran into some nurses that were how shall we say were colossal witches and clinically impressive as you-know-what all at the same time. I was put in my place very very quickly.

I barely treaded water. Nobody let me drown but I was sternly informed that while I was chock full of book knowledge I lacked the critical thinking skills to be successful there and would do well to consider a step down unit. I had left at the end of my shifts and sat in my car crying so many times that I had to agree. It did not mean I was lacking as a nurse. It just meant that wasn't a good setting for me. Patients well being first, me coming off as super nurse second.

I also put my tail between my legs and went back to my OR manager after about 4 months and asked for a nursing position. I have since come to the conclusion that if I wanted CRNA school I was going to have to learn Those skills first. Could I do it now. Yeah probably. As I've gotten a little older, maybe wiser, maybe not, I've decided not to.

Bluntly telling me I was not a fit for that unit was the best thing those nurses could have done for me. I had been a patient in that very unit in my last semester of nursing school (as an aside, never need major surgery while in nursing school) and those same nurses took great care of me. For both of those things I am grateful.

Personally, I think the stars in you eyes clouded your judgement and you took on too much at once. It takes a very hardcore person to succeed in that environment. There is neither time nor space to mess around. In a level I trauma center, those patients are there because they are trying not to die. If those preceptors were hard on you, it was to force you out of the nest. The kind of degree or length of experience is irrelevant. Your preceptor has the skills and know how to do well there and you did not. Consider that before you blame others.

Think of this as a learning experience and use those skills you brought from your last job, work on those critical thinking skills (you'd be surprised how quick you start putting things together when you have more complicated patients) and be open to what others have to teach you.

Specializes in Case manager, float pool, and more.

Sometimes, things don't work out for a reason. Take this opportunity to reflect on your experiences there and learn from the good, bad and in-between. A good take away would be not giving gifts to your preceptors. As mentioned, maybe a small gift after your orientation in all done and over with can be ok though. And sometimes, no matter how good a nurse may be, it is just not the right fit at that time.

I am not sure how you meant the remark about the person who was controlling being an ADN, It is hard to determine sometimes when we cannot read body language or tone of voice. However, just going by what you wrote, I started out with my ADN, now that I have my BSN, I still do the exact same job. A nurse can be good or bad regardless of the letters on the diploma. The part of whether or not she is a type A personality or not could be relevant though.

Anyhow, I do hope you take time to reflect on any criticisms as an opportunity to learn and grow. No matter how many years of experience on has, there is always something we can learn and grow from. Good luck in your new position.

+ Add a Comment