dream job ended

[singleye]

Four months ago I left my beloved med-surg job in a small community hospital for a dream ICU job in a large academic center. My fascination with the ICU job started 3 years ago when my goal was CRNA school. I entered NP school a year ago after realizing that I enjoy the interaction with patients more than machines and drips. I have a lot on my plate, a new baby, a toddler, part-time school, full-time work. However, I still made the leap for the new dream ICU job without hesitation. Call me crazy, I thought I can do it all.

My first preceptor was a control freak. With an associate degree and a little over a year experience, she made me feel intimidated and stupid every day during my first 6 weeks orientation and only gave me 1 step down patient even after the boss spoke to her. I caught up with my 2nd preceptor. I really like my 2nd and 3rd preceptor. I showered them with coffee and little gifts because I really appreciate them. I had 18 weeks orientation and I thought I may just need maybe a week or two to be ready but my boss insisted that I don't have critical thinking skills and the foundation to be in ICU. Thinking back, I think those words are the words of my 3rd preceptor (gosh I really like her and I thought that she is my friend).

The doctors I worked with at the small hospital told me that I can probably do some consults for them (since I had so many questions for why and how to treat pts) and my coworkers said I am a good nurse. What you mean I don't have critical thinking skills and foundation to be in ICU? I didn't do well with my first sick sick patient assignment but I did well with the next few (independently took care of two ICU pts). It's easy for my preceptor to criticize without moving a finger. Can she do a perfect job?

For a week or two, I was upset and hard on myself. I was offered another position in the cardiac observational unit. They are actually excited that I will be there. I also am able to transfer to the new cardiac step-down unit in the summer.

Thanks for reading. I guess it is what it is. I tried my best and I still don't know why I insisted to go to ICU and what exactly this experience will benefit my career in the future. but things work out certain ways for a reason and I'm sure one day I will find out.

[Workitinurfava, BSN, RN]

You get out of it what you put into it, regardless if you have an associates or bachelors degree. I have a bachelors degree and have worked with LPN's that could run circles around some bachelor degree nurses. It is not the title but rather the level of skill that you bring and the willingness to seek to improve yourself as a nurse.

[singleye]

I want to thank everyone for the comments. I guess I am still grieving... I apologize for offending anyone, I did not mean to. many of the nurses I consider as mentor have ASN and they are the best nurses I have known, I wish I will have half of their wisdom one day. However, I stand where I was with my first preceptor. She said it's my orientation and she is there to support me but she just would not give me more than one patient despite how well I do with my only one pt. Would I meet their expectations if I had not "wasted" my 1st six weeks orientation? probably. In addition, I do buy a tea or coffee or a piece of fruit for my preceptors when I mean "showering them with small gifts", I really appreciate them after my first preceptor experiences. I think it's appropriate, sorry for confusing you guys :)

I really like ICU, however, I realized that I didn't have much time to think and learn for the past 18 weeks since I was so absorbed in completing tasks. I don't know what I want to do with my NP, that's part of the reason why I took this new job. Now my experiences led me back to cardiology, maybe it's meant to be. I love cardiology. Should I work at step-down and try CCU/CTU later? I'm not sure... anyway, thanks.

[englishgarden]

Don't let one experience define you!

I finished my MSN-ed and wanted more time to teach so I took a part-time position in a pre-op unit at a new hospital. My new coworkers were lovely to work with but the charge nurse/pseudo manager seemed to be looking for fault. After a few weeks, she called me into her office to say that things were not working out. She said "I don't think you have the critical thinking skills to work here." At that moment I new something just wasn't right. I've been a nurse for 27 years with 15 years in the ICU.

I found a part-time position in the CCU. It feels good to be appreciated again!

[Have Nurse, ADN, RN]

You would have loved me, with my diploma school program, but you would have benefit of an RN with 45.5 years experience in CCU, CVICU...ER, Pacu HN on Cv step down, HN in ER & Supv of ER and the list goes on....... But if you were teachable you would be a very good new RN in a short while.... I love to teach....

My advice get off your BSN pedastle.....and appreciate a preceptor or director, " who has been there and done that......

I love to teach too. But we don't wish to nail her to the wall too hard here. From her original post, it does seem to me that she is doing some soul searching like we all need to do at times....

I agree that the BSN VS ADN can sometimes be a barrier, but it needn't be. We are still nurses and need to lift one another up. Everyone has something to offer from which we may glean.

[SpankedInPittsburgh, DNP, RN]

Yeah,

I place very little value on the useless exercise that a BSN is. As far as bedside nursing in any setting it makes little difference of the educational background of the RN that I've seen. I only pursued my BSN to get promotions at work and the opportunity to go to NP school and to those ends it worked wonderfully but the actual BSN didn't add a thing to my practice.

Anyway, not every foot fits every shoe. I think I'm a fine ER nurse. However, I could not imagine myself in many other settings. You have to fit in with your qualifications, skill set, brain power and culturally. Not every unit is friendly or accepting of newbies for a great variety of reasons. You are going to be an NP and unless you desire to work in an ICU setting I'm not sure that such experience will be all that helpful. I think ICU nurses are great but I have no desire to be one of them. I've had many opportunities to transfer and have been asked to join them almost yearly for a decade but I'm happy where I'm at and (like you) once I decided that I didn't want to pursue a CRNA track (work wouldn't fund it) I stayed in the ER. I'm happy with that. Find a job as a nurse and later as an NP that you will be happy in & fit in. Good Luck!!!

[RockinNurse2018]

Sorry to hear of your experience. I know what it's like to put everything you have into a job, and still, it doesn't work out. I know what it's like when people you thought liked you were actually saying things behind your back. I can relate to almost resenting nurses who have less education but are somehow able to work in higher levels of nursing (I got my BSN quicker than most of my ADN colleagues and yet, they are working in ICU, ER, OR, etc., and I'm in LTC!!!). I also understand the desire to be an ICU nurse without actually being able to be one. I'm glad you were able to land another position, but don't be surprised if you're not as enthusiastic about this one as you were about the ICU. The pain that comes from disappointment over a failed dream job never really goes away. Good luck to you though

[TriciaJ, RN]

I really want to weigh in on behalf of that first preceptor. If she's been on the job just over a year, she might still be anxious about her own performance. Now she has to precept. What you interpret as "controlling" might just have been her being extra cautious and conscientious about her own performance and yours.

You stated you showered your subsequent preceptors with gifts "to show appreciation after the first preceptor experience". Was this really an underhanded way to show your first preceptor how little you thought of her? Several others have already stated they would have been made uncomfortable about the gifts. Smelling a possible ulterior motive would have added to their discomfort.

I do hope your current job goes well for you and your plans pan out.

[Meriwhen, ASN, BSN, MSN, RN]

I really want to weigh in on behalf of that first preceptor. If she's been on the job just over a year, she might still be anxious about her own performance. Now she has to precept. What you interpret as "controlling" might just have been her being extra cautious and conscientious about her own performance and yours.

I agree. Regardless of the degree held, almost any nurse is still a bit green at one year out. Being given the task of precepting may have been too much too soon for her.

[Meriwhen, ASN, BSN, MSN, RN]

I had 18 weeks orientation and I thought I may just need maybe a week or two to be ready but my boss insisted that I don't have critical thinking skills and the foundation to be in ICU. Thinking back, I think those words are the words of my 3rd preceptor (gosh I really like her and I thought that she is my friend).

And why would her being honest with you about your performance not make her your friend?

Would you rather be told you're doing just fine and dandy when you're really not, only to crash and burn once you're on your own? Or would you rather that someone gave you an honest opinion so you knew the score and could learn from the feedback, even if it meant them telling you that perhaps you are not quite ready for your dream job?

Just some things for you to consider.

[brandy1017, ASN, RN]

I don't understand why ICU is your dream job and yet you are going for your NP as they are too different jobs and unless you are going for Acute Care NP you will be working in an office setting most likely. So many people have stars in their eyes re their dream job and are not realistic. Not everyone can be an ICU nurse, not everyone should be.

The fact that they are offering you another position shows they value you, but feel you aren't ready for ICU. You are not being thrown under the bus, rather the opposite because they are giving you a chance at another job. If you really felt ICU was for you then you could always try again after you had more cardiac step down experience. It is really a blessing when they offer you another job. Stop thinking of it as a demotion and give it a chance. Hospitals generally hire ICU nurses on contingency and if they feel they aren't up to the challenge they transfer them to a less acute position. That gives them time to learn more at a less stressful pace. I have worked with several who later were successful as ICU nurses and others who decided ICU wasn't really for them.

Lastly a BSN doesn't make a difference in floor nursing. Most of the extra classes are in management and not relevant to hands on nursing. Experience trumps education as a bedside nurse. But a BSN does give you more options and the chance to move forward with an NP, for instance, like you are doing. I'm curious though if ICU was your dream job and you wanted to be a floor nurse why the rush to NP school? These are two different jobs. Personally I think a few years of nursing experience would be beneficial for the transition to NP and make the learning process and clinicals easier.

[JBMmom, MSN, NP]

I was told in my first position that I lacked the critical thinking they needed to hire me as a floor nurse and I was terminated during orientation. I had a pity party for the afternoon, questioned whether I really could do it, and found a new job. Eight months later I've received great feedback in my floor nurse position, I was nominated by my peers for a hospital award, and I recently started a position in critical care. I'm an everything-happens-for-a-reason person. Do I know why the first position didn't work out? Not really, despite me asking for specific feedback on just where my critical thinking was lacking. I moved on, and it really was all for the best. It sounds like maybe your next position will be a better fit as well. Good luck!

[Neats, BSN]

After reading this and seeing response I think about all the people who I have interacted with. Such a variety from the... I have been doing this for X amount of years and will keep on until I retire to the ones who get "itchy feet" and want to try it all.

I am more of the "Itchy feet" and want to try it all kind of person. I see nothing wrong with what you did, or for that matter what the ICU staff did.

Sometimes we do not always find out why it did not turn out the way we thought it would.

Sometimes we do not get the clarification and closure we think we need.

Just remember you had this experience take what you learned and place in your tool box, be grateful you experienced a new "Landscape" and try something else.

Kudos to you for living your professional and personal life goals.