Four months ago I left my beloved med-surg job in a small community hospital for a dream ICU job in a large academic center. My fascination with the ICU job started 3 years ago when my goal was CRNA school. I entered NP school a year ago after realizing that I enjoy the interaction with patients more than machines and drips. I have a lot on my plate, a new baby, a toddler, part-time school, full-time work. However, I still made the leap for the new dream ICU job without hesitation. Call me crazy, I thought I can do it all.
My first preceptor was a control freak. With an associate degree and a little over a year experience, she made me feel intimidated and stupid every day during my first 6 weeks orientation and only gave me 1 step down patient even after the boss spoke to her. I caught up with my 2nd preceptor. I really like my 2nd and 3rd preceptor. I showered them with coffee and little gifts because I really appreciate them. I had 18 weeks orientation and I thought I may just need maybe a week or two to be ready but my boss insisted that I don't have critical thinking skills and the foundation to be in ICU. Thinking back, I think those words are the words of my 3rd preceptor (gosh I really like her and I thought that she is my friend).
The doctors I worked with at the small hospital told me that I can probably do some consults for them (since I had so many questions for why and how to treat pts) and my coworkers said I am a good nurse. What you mean I don't have critical thinking skills and foundation to be in ICU? I didn't do well with my first sick sick patient assignment but I did well with the next few (independently took care of two ICU pts). It's easy for my preceptor to criticize without moving a finger. Can she do a perfect job?
For a week or two, I was upset and hard on myself. I was offered another position in the cardiac observational unit. They are actually excited that I will be there. I also am able to transfer to the new cardiac step-down unit in the summer.
Thanks for reading. I guess it is what it is. I tried my best and I still don't know why I insisted to go to ICU and what exactly this experience will benefit my career in the future. but things work out certain ways for a reason and I'm sure one day I will find out.
