Vent: Why I won't accompany my mother to the ER anymore - Page 2

Oh Belgian.........I just spit my coffee all over my computer.

I feeeeeeeel your pain. My mother takes every opportunity to tell everyone who will listen the all three of her daughters are RN's and what our specialties are and what degrees we have. It's a parental affliction. My mother is the "My temperature is normally 97.2...I know that because I had to "Doctor" to get pregnant so a temp of 99 is really high for me".

Although I have run into the occasional bedside incompetent moron....like when "they" perforated her esophagus during a TEE but that is another story for another day.....medical personnel are pretty competent and skilled.

My sisters and I take daily turns for feeding the staff (all three shifts) with bagels and treats to make up for all our questions and listening to, I mean helping, my mother. My Dad on the other hand could be holding pressure on his jugular and tell you he's ok.(Miss you dad)

We don't scold Mom anymore.....we bribe.

Oh yes, and when Mom was in CVICU and intubated on 6 drips, my sister actually argued with the RN about whether her grandchildren come and visit, the next day, on a different unit. Holy raging hormones, Batman, I nearly called security on her myself. It's been 6 years, I'm still ashamed of the scene she made. Thank God for that nurse, she was as pleasant as she could be. "We" agreed to wait until tomorrow and talk about it, but my sister made a point of bringing the kids in the next day. Mom doesn't remember a thing about the first few days, or who visited when. Families are insane.

When you see that insane family member, look out of the corner of your eye and you might see someone else trying to sink under the floor tiles.

dad was confused, disoriented and scared to death -- and sent three staff members to the er over the course of one shift. at least he had an excuse.

my mother kept wandering into the staff break room and helping herself to coffee and whatever treats were in evidence. she had early alzheimer's and had an excuse.

my sister, who was a nurse about a quarter of a century ago but hasn't touched an actual patient since she got her phd in nursing over 20 years ago, insisted that she knew more than anyone else about what should be done and attempted to run the entire show. i saw grown men -- attending physicians and surgeons -- quail at the sight of her and attempt to slink out of the icu without her noticing them. nurses fought over who had to take care of dad -- and not because he was demented. rose expected everyone to dance to her tune, and when she didn't get exactly what she wanted, when she wanted it and the exact way she wanted it, she threw fits and threatened jobs. she she does have a phd in nursing and had met the hospital administration types at one conference or another over the years, she was in a position to throw her roledex at the staff -- and did so. the respiratory therapist needed another flowmeter to set up the o2, and rose was on the phone to the head of the anesthesiology department, complaining about his incompetence and demanding that he be disciplined. (i told her she should have been complaining that management hadn't seen fit to provide an adequate number of flowmeters instead. she didn't appreciate my input.)

i'll accompany mom to the er any time. or dad, rest his soul. but i don't want my sister anywhere near my hospital or my hospitalization!

Your description brought the whole ordeal to life in a humorous, and yet equally horrifying way, lol. ((belgianRN))

And that's why I live 1600km away from my mother!

Yet another benefit of being a psych nurse: I'm never going to have to accompany a parent to MY emergency department

Give me the horrors just thinking about it. Went too many times last year.

I cringed when I read that, because I endured something similar with my mom. But, my mom is no longer alive, so I'd be happy to endure such embarrassments to have her back! Most of us have been on both sides of this situation--being the horrified family member of the patient and being the nurse dealing with the horrified family member and patient.

What is far worse are the nurses who accompany Mom or Grandpa and make those remarks themselves. I had a patient with c-diff who had left puddles of diarrhea all over the floor--which were wiped up as well as possible (sorry, but we're all nurses...). His adult granddaughter was visiting with her two-year-old son. Granddaughter had her notepad and was documenting everything; she told us that she was an RN with 10 years experience, etc., etc. The most horrifying part was that she allowed her two-year-old to crawl around on the floor... we watched in disbelief when he stopped crawling, sat up and plunked his fingers in his mouth...his mom (the granddaughter/nurse) never seemed to notice!!!

I'm sure the ED staff appreciated the baked goodies - smart thinking!

In my case - well, mom DID do the "I am nurse - hear me roar" bit a time or two while I was her caregiver, but given her dementia it was easy enough to deflect. Never had that from dad - the one & only time I ever saw him in a hospital setting was in the ambulance after MI #2; at the time I wasn't savvy enough to understand what was meant when the paramedics said "...this guy's been down for at least 10 minutes..." - obviously, now I do. Ahem.

Anyway, sometimes the socially embarassing moments have positive benefits - while mom was fighting her way back after CVA #1, my sister got her Machiavellian claws into a couple of ER doctors (one was even assigned to mom's case, thankfully) and was locked in mortal combat with the staff. From the lobby, it sounded like a gorgeous row was in progress - I was able to get in there just in time to see mom (vent in place, BTW) trying to join the fracas - guess she'd had enough of being comatose and wanted to join in the fun!

There are days when I miss both my parents terribly - and then, there are days when I read threads like this one!

Best of luck to those who have to take care of loved ones; I'll stick with working LTC as a CNA - it's safer.


----- Dave