Vent: Why I won't accompany my mother to the ER anymore

[BelgianRN]

Slight vent, and ARGH.

My mom was in the ER the other day (for a rule out PE) and before I could hold her mouth shut the words were out at the very friendly ER nurse: "sonny I'm a very tough stick since my veins are rolling and disappearing, so you might wanna get the anesthesiologist if you don't know what you are doing". So I tried telling her to let the nurses do their job.

I was just sitting there with a look of horror on my face trying to disappear in between the air molecules, thinking about how I would feel if that was said to me. My mother then proceeded to say "my son is not convinced I have a PE and he is a nurse he knows these things since he works in an (and adds with emphasis) ICU in a university hospital". By that time I just wanted to disappear between the subatomic structures...

The RN did a 12 lead and my mother was saying it had better be done right or I would see they made a mistake. I just looked at her hoping it was either a dream or I would suffer a major PE instead of having to deal with this. The RN then printed an extra copy and put it in front of me with the words: "I hope it is to your liking and it can stand up to the quality in an (with emphasis) ICU in a university hospital..."

After the nurse left I tried scolding my mom but she was so proud that she got to brag about one of her kids (how can you stay mad). So I went to a bakery and got pastry and other nice things for the ER staff in an attempt to undo my mother's evil and apologized for her need to make these "subtle" remarks.

Next time she can go by herself... Or I might send my sister and she can deal with mom ^^.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

dad was confused, disoriented and scared to death -- and sent three staff members to the er over the course of one shift. at least he had an excuse.

my mother kept wandering into the staff break room and helping herself to coffee and whatever treats were in evidence. she had early alzheimer's and had an excuse.

my sister, who was a nurse about a quarter of a century ago but hasn't touched an actual patient since she got her phd in nursing over 20 years ago, insisted that she knew more than anyone else about what should be done and attempted to run the entire show. i saw grown men -- attending physicians and surgeons -- quail at the sight of her and attempt to slink out of the icu without her noticing them. nurses fought over who had to take care of dad -- and not because he was demented. rose expected everyone to dance to her tune, and when she didn't get exactly what she wanted, when she wanted it and the exact way she wanted it, she threw fits and threatened jobs. she she does have a phd in nursing and had met the hospital administration types at one conference or another over the years, she was in a position to throw her roledex at the staff -- and did so. the respiratory therapist needed another flowmeter to set up the o2, and rose was on the phone to the head of the anesthesiology department, complaining about his incompetence and demanding that he be disciplined. (i told her she should have been complaining that management hadn't seen fit to provide an adequate number of flowmeters instead. she didn't appreciate my input.)

i'll accompany mom to the er any time. or dad, rest his soul. but i don't want my sister anywhere near my hospital or my hospitalization!

[nursel56]

Your description brought the whole ordeal to life in a humorous, and yet equally horrifying way, lol. ((belgianRN)) :)

[Fiona59]

And that's why I live 1600km away from my mother!

[Meriwhen, ASN, BSN, MSN, RN]

Yet another benefit of being a psych nurse: I'm never going to have to accompany a parent to MY emergency department

[DolceVita, ADN, BSN, RN]

Give me the horrors just thinking about it. Went too many times last year.

[Patti_RN]

I cringed when I read that, because I endured something similar with my mom. But, my mom is no longer alive, so I'd be happy to endure such embarrassments to have her back! Most of us have been on both sides of this situation--being the horrified family member of the patient and being the nurse dealing with the horrified family member and patient.

What is far worse are the nurses who accompany Mom or Grandpa and make those remarks themselves. I had a patient with c-diff who had left puddles of diarrhea all over the floor--which were wiped up as well as possible (sorry, but we're all nurses...). His adult granddaughter was visiting with her two-year-old son. Granddaughter had her notepad and was documenting everything; she told us that she was an RN with 10 years experience, etc., etc. The most horrifying part was that she allowed her two-year-old to crawl around on the floor... we watched in disbelief when he stopped crawling, sat up and plunked his fingers in his mouth...his mom (the granddaughter/nurse) never seemed to notice!!!

[One1, BSN, RN]

I'm sure the ED staff appreciated the baked goodies - smart thinking! :yelclap:

[IEDave, ASN, CNA, LVN]

In my case - well, mom DID do the "I am nurse - hear me roar" bit a time or two while I was her caregiver, but given her dementia it was easy enough to deflect. Never had that from dad - the one & only time I ever saw him in a hospital setting was in the ambulance after MI #2; at the time I wasn't savvy enough to understand what was meant when the paramedics said "...this guy's been down for at least 10 minutes..." - obviously, now I do. Ahem.

Anyway, sometimes the socially embarassing moments have positive benefits - while mom was fighting her way back after CVA #1, my sister got her Machiavellian claws into a couple of ER doctors (one was even assigned to mom's case, thankfully) and was locked in mortal combat with the staff. From the lobby, it sounded like a gorgeous row was in progress - I was able to get in there just in time to see mom (vent in place, BTW) trying to join the fracas - guess she'd had enough of being comatose and wanted to join in the fun!

There are days when I miss both my parents terribly - and then, there are days when I read threads like this one!

Best of luck to those who have to take care of loved ones; I'll stick with working LTC as a CNA - it's safer.

----- Dave

[PinkCupcake]

I'm so glad I'm not the only who has that problem. My mother in law and sister in law are the worst! I try at all costs to avoid going with them to the doctors or ER. They are convinced that nobody there knows what they are doing. They get snotty moody with the staff. I hate it!

[crb613, BSN, RN]

I laughed out loud when I read your post!!! I could just picture the whole thing! I was just in the ER (not mine) this weekend with a family member, and I warned my hubby....do not mention that I am a NURSE!!!! They did a really good job taking care of my family member and I tried to keep my mouth shut except for please, and thank you!

[That Guy, BSN, RN, EMT-B]

I want more family like you. A nurse that is NOT down our necks and a complete tool bag to us because you are a nurse. AND you bring food! Double win.

[Been there,done that, ASN, RN]

You have a MOTHER. You only get ONE of those.

She sounds like a very sick.. and a very sharp lady.

I am aghast that you are more worried about how YOU are viewed.. than supporting her.

Her illness is NOT about YOU.. it is about her!