Vent: Why I won't accompany my mother to the ER anymore

[BelgianRN]

Slight vent, and ARGH.

My mom was in the ER the other day (for a rule out PE) and before I could hold her mouth shut the words were out at the very friendly ER nurse: "sonny I'm a very tough stick since my veins are rolling and disappearing, so you might wanna get the anesthesiologist if you don't know what you are doing". So I tried telling her to let the nurses do their job.

I was just sitting there with a look of horror on my face trying to disappear in between the air molecules, thinking about how I would feel if that was said to me. My mother then proceeded to say "my son is not convinced I have a PE and he is a nurse he knows these things since he works in an (and adds with emphasis) ICU in a university hospital". By that time I just wanted to disappear between the subatomic structures...

The RN did a 12 lead and my mother was saying it had better be done right or I would see they made a mistake. I just looked at her hoping it was either a dream or I would suffer a major PE instead of having to deal with this. The RN then printed an extra copy and put it in front of me with the words: "I hope it is to your liking and it can stand up to the quality in an (with emphasis) ICU in a university hospital..."

After the nurse left I tried scolding my mom but she was so proud that she got to brag about one of her kids (how can you stay mad). So I went to a bakery and got pastry and other nice things for the ER staff in an attempt to undo my mother's evil and apologized for her need to make these "subtle" remarks.

Next time she can go by herself... Or I might send my sister and she can deal with mom ^^.

[DolceVita, ADN, BSN, RN]

OK...not entirely the same...

Before I was a nurse I was a volunteer in the local ER. Cleaning/stocking rooms and what not. It happens I am sober for years and go to a twelve step program. Inevitably there would be drunk women and men who would recognize me from these meetings and shout my name drunkenly from their gurneys.

One woman lay there drunk as a skunk and said to the RN "it's ok you can give me pain meds. She's my sponsor." Which I had been years before. Bless that nurse for not laughing out loud -- what a pro.

Sent from my iPad using allnurses.com

[brillohead, ADN, RN]

It transcends age and education... as soon as I started nursing school, my son -- who was 11yo at the time -- started telling everyone his mom is a nurse. I had to explain several times that I was NOT a nurse yet and even when I do graduate and get my license, he does NOT need to tell everyone who has a boo-boo that his mom wears scrubs and owns a stethoscope!

I guess he's just making up for the fact that I don't have any parents/siblings, as based on what I'm reading in this thread, evidently these embarrassing family moments are a requirement in the nursing field. LOL

[Anna Flaxis, BSN, RN]

Thank you for the chuckle, BelgianRN! That was great!

[soapaddictOH]

My dad has been in the hospital a lot recently, and tells EVERYONE I am a nurse. I usually just sit back and watch everything going on, I don't say a word. I hate the nurse family members that act like they know everything, and comment about how things are being done "differently than at their hospital." I had a patient this week that had a foley in for an US, and her sister kept going on and on about catheters, and she would rather put them in than clean up ****, and blahblahblah... Guess what? She's a nursing student!

[hiddencatRN, BSN, RN]

Lol-those patient interactions actually crack me up, where you have the difficult patient but then their family member is so obviously, completely aghast at their behavior. Firstly, it's usually entertaining, and secondly, the family member usually can keep some of the more out there demands the patient makes in check.

[Aradien]

It's not my mother, it is my mother-in-law. Yikes! :)

[thedeeperwell]

Our mothers often "trigger" us in many ways...but I am wondering about what was really going on with your mother in this situation, and I sense that she was very afraid and unable to talk about it directly. When we are the one--horizontal--in a hospital bed, we can feel very vulnerable and not in control. Your mother may have wanted to tap into whatever power she could to protect herself, so she used your expertise as a sign of specialness or superiority. Her deep fear could have been the source of her comments.

You could have said to the nurses, "Just ignore my Mom, she likes to brag about her children. I support you in all your efforts, and please, let me know if I can help you in any way." You could have said something like this in front of your mother, and/or you could have followed up with the nurse out of the room and talked with the nurse directly, explaining how fear and vulnerability often are expressed this way by your mother.

The bottom line is....do you want your mother to have the safest, best and most expert care possible in the hospital? I tell all my friends and family to not be in any hospital without another person present to make sure that everything is done right. Care in the hospital is not what is used to be for many reasons, and all patients need good, neutral advocates.

As a nurse taking care of people, I always respected the arrogant, squeaky wheels in both patients and family, even when they were very irritating and insulting. I would tell them that I always do my best, and that I understand how scarey and nerveracking it is to be in the hospital. I did not take it personally.

Also, this situation may have been presented to you so that when you come across a patient (someone else's mother) like this, you will have a deeper understanding of the possible underlying causes for comments like this.

[sapphire18]

I hope your mother is ok, Belgian! I feel your pain- I was recently in the hospital myself and while my dad was visiting, he just loved to tell the nurses that I am a nurse. An *ICU* nurse, no less! Ughhh! Definitely wanted to just hide under the covers!!

[texkid, RN]

When my mom went to the hospital, she told each and every nurse that came in that I was a nurse and that I was studying to be a flight nurse. Each time, I just looked at the ground and smirked. Then, each nurse could not get in an IV on her. So my mom looked at me and told me I needed to show them how to start IVs. I told her, "if you make me get off this chair, I am going to put 16g in you. They know what they're doing". Soon the nurse got a good one in her.

Funniness aside, I truly believe most nurses know how to laugh it off when a parent brags about their child being a fellow nurse. Its the person his/herself that comes screaming "I AM A NURSE" and start barking out orders that I don't tolerate.

[malestunurse]

I lot of you seem to be over analyzing this, I can sympathize with your story for sure. All I would've done is: "Mum cut it out." (Probably wouldn't stop her though).

[MegEDRN]

OP, at least it wasn't you announcing your occupation to the world. No one likes those people... or the ones who remind everyone that they work in a hospital, when what they really mean is they work in the cafeteria of a hospital.

[TheCoppertop]

Kudos to you for bringing food! I always find it hilarious when a pt announces her child is a nurse, its said with soo much pride and yes the sane ones usually do look mortified (its the ones who buck up their chests like "you've been WARNED" that are usually the ones that annoy, and usually they work in a docs office or haven't practiced in eons). I'd never have handed you the EKG all snotty, I'd have seen your reaction, winked at you and figured 'awesome, if she poops the bed I'll have extra hands!' lol

My SO and I recently relocated and I'm on the job search. He came home from work a couple weeks ago with a big chunk of metal in his eye. It was 7pm on a Friday night so off to the ER we went. It was great to go in and scope out the nearby ER, spy on what charting system they use, yay! good vibe and coffee allowed at the nurses station (priorities!), and with a sane patient who knew better than to "out" me.

I HATE being outed as an ER nurse when I'm with family! I think it is universal though, my ex husband is a very successful chef and I'll never forget the color draining from his face when we went to a fannnncy restaurant with his mother and she announced to the waiter that he's a world class CHEF so the food better be good!

No matter how many times patients or their families grate my nerves with the IMANURSE *warning* I'll never forget the time I played that card when my mom was 1000 miles away in an ED having an addisonian crisis brought on by an ileus. She called me, she's a family NP and knows her disease so she knew what was probably going on. She had been there 2 hours without a blood draw or a steroid injection and she was in terrible pain, dry heaving, and getting confused, asked me "I'm feeling really foggy but... shouldn't they be checking my potassium? I can't believe I haven't gotten steroids yet!" I nearly lost it in frustration over being so far away and I just said GET ME A NURSE ON THE PHONE! Yep, I was THAT daughter.