Your first experience with a dead person

[ixchel]

During my internship, a page came overhead - code blue, ED, 2 minutes. My preceptor said, "you want in?" Well, yeah, of course I did. I'm realizing more and more I'm a trauma, critical care junkie. So I went down.

This frail, elderly woman was there on the table, clothes cut off her, just still. She could have been sleeping. The nurses were working on resuscitative efforts. The MD said stop. She was gone.

And as the group began quietly fixing her body for her husband to be with her, I held her still warm head, perfectly made hair, in my hands. A nurse came crashing in the door shouting in her "call to action" voice, "do you need blood???"

I couldn't help it. I had to giggle. They told her no, and she left. It was quiet and dark in the room. It had felt so full and busy when the woman first arrived, but now it was quiet, still, in peace.

I haven't seen any death in my tenure on this giant ball of rock. I've only been in the room with one deceased person before this. This woman will stay with me as my "first".

Do any of you have a first death experience that stays with you?

[kbrn2002, ADN, RN]

On of all nights Halloween...a gentleman passed away, I went in to confirm death before making phone calls. I entered the room, and the dead man sat bolt upright in bed and very loudly gasped before flopping right back down on his back in bed. I literally jumped back and might or might not have let out a little squeal. Geez that startled the heck out of me! Never saw that before or since.

[2k15NurseExtern4u, BSN, RN]

I can tell this is gonna be an awesome thread! Keep em comin

[ixchel]

Yes and it haunts me.

I was a student and I was YOUNG! They all forgot about the student in the corner wide eye.... too terrified yet fascinated to speak.

It was in OB.... first pregnancy first baby...threw a amnoitic fluid embolism....emergent C-section...mother died. Baby survived. I have never forgotten

Oh, Esme ?

That is just tragic. I'm terrified of this now that I've heard of it. We talked about it in maternity and the idea of it just haunts me and makes me thankful I have my babies and we're all okay. No warning, no rhyme, no reason. Right in the middle of joy. Nothing can be done. ? I imagine being there for that would stick with me, too.

[ixchel]

(P.S. I didn't like comments for content specifically, but because you chose to share your experiences. Thank you for that!)

[Stcroix, ASN, PhD, RN]

About 1/2 way through my orientation I got a code called from the telemetry folks on the 'red phone'. I was standing with two other nurses near the patient's room and in we ran. After checking for pulse, I got on compressions. This was a very sick man with multiple co-morbidities and was very obese, somehow in my gut I felt he was dead. He was so wide I couldn't make decent compressions from the side of the bed so after a few seconds I straddled him on the bed. Just like I was taught in BLS training, I felt ribs popping under my hands. It seemed like forever (only just a minute or two) and the whole code gang showed up, crash cart, doc, etc. I got spelled and watched as they worked and got a weak irregular pulse back and off to ICU he went, he didn't make it shortly after. Immediately after working on him I was giddy with adrenaline and shaking at the same time. Codes since them are still a rush, but not like the first.

The thing that has stayed with me is the sense of lifelessness that I felt as soon as I saw him. Yes, he got a pulse back briefly, but somehow I just knew he was gone.

[sissiesmama, ASN, RN]

My first was when I was 14 or 15 - my BFF and I were at our local hospital. It was an auto vs ped. The ped was a kid we had grown up with in the neighborhood-- it was SO hard to see someone I had known and hung out with so severely injured and die. It did help me make up my mind that nursing was definetly the career for me- I had always wanted to be an ER nurse.

I think what stayed with me the most was the parents when the MD told them that their child didnt make it. The scream that mother made was just gut wrenching. I heard it in my sleep for a while.

[akulahawkRN, ADN, RN, EMT-P]

The first death that I experienced as a healthcare provider was with a 92-year-old female who had been the subject of a 911 call. When I arrived, she was in the care of the fire department. According to them, she had a pulse and she still was breathing. When I assessed her, she was not breathing and did not have a pulse. I started CPR (I'll never forget that feeling) and initiated transport really quickly. Once at the hospital, we all worked on her for about 30 minutes and ceased efforts. She was my first, but by far NOT the last death I was present for. The last one was about 6 months ago and he was quite elderly and a no code. I was a 3rd Semester student at the time and he was my nurse's 2nd or 3rd death, but probably my 20th or so. His death affected her more than it did me. In that time I've been lucky enough to have had a handful of field saves. Unfortunately I was never able to find out if those patients survived to discharge, let alone be neurologically intact.

You'll never forget your first and you'll remember your most recent one or two, but after a while, the rest will blur together. No, I'm not some super bad black cloud, quite the opposite really! Over the several thousand patients I've had over the years, the vast majority of them never had any issues during transport, even if they were expected to.

[MereSanity]

I was a nursing student...yeah let's give the student the patient hanging on by a thread. She was old and wasn't doing well. Since then I have done many organ procurements in the OR and worked ER during codes that went bad. Doesn't bother me anymore (unfortunately).

[LakeEmerald]

I was precepting in the ED my last semester of nursing school. It was my first day, first thing in the AM, and I was eager to get started. Another nurse (not my preceptor) asked me to do an accucheck in room 37. I enthusiastically had my preceptor code up the glucometer and I walked into the room. The patient's waxy, pale-yellow face loomed above the sheet, it was suddenly too quiet in the room.

My preceptor walked up behind me, chuckled and said, "He's dead, let's go." Peals of laughter erupted as we exited the room. That was my ED initation to death. Yes, gruesome and sick, but also funny. They told me a resident actually stuck another deceased

patient's finger before. Urban legend? Perhaps. :)

The next week, a 62 year old man was brought in with sudden, severe, stabbing abdominal pain that was intermittent. As my preceptor and I were hooking him up to the monitor, he grabbed his belly and said, "Here it comes again." His eyes immediately lost focus and fixed beyond my head. We coded him for about 20 minutes, but never restored circulation. His abdominal aortic aneurysm had ruptured severely. That was strange because we were talking to him and he was very vibrant and alive one second, and just gone the next. There was no apparent in between.

[Dude,RN]

My first experience with death was a 38 week fetal demise. Mom was Ok that AM in her OBGYN's office and then later that morning didn't feel the baby move anymore. She was rushed onto the unit for an ultrasound and it was confirmed that there was no longer a heartbeat.

The family did not speak English and mom needed to deliver the baby lady partslly. She had her small family there with her, but no other support system.

I drew the demise straw that night in the nursery and was assigned the patient. I was only about 6 months off of orientation and on my own. It was a calm night that evening as I remember it.

What sticks with me was how, even through the language barrier, I was able to help that family heal- if even just a little. As the nursery nurse that night, I helped that family give that child a bath, dress her in her christening gown, take photographs, and even get hand a foot molds with plaster. And not to be morbid, but keep that baby wrapped and on a radiant warmer for as long as that family needed to say goodbye. The whole ordeal lasted about 4 hours, but has definitely made it's mark on my practice and my memory.

No many words were spoken as I did not speak their native language, but the peace and calm and utter stillness of that room will never leave me. I like to think that I have one angel baby looking down on me to guide my hands and my heart as I work to help others. I am not a NICU/nursery nurse anymore- but I still carry my angel babies with me everywhere I go. But that one, it sticks with me the most.

[emtb2rn, BSN, RN, EMT-B]

Police vs armed robber in liquor store across from apartment where we lived. Robber had hand-gun, police had shotgun. Happened to be looking out window with my father when guy (robber) explodes backwards through glass door. Father asks "want to go look?" We went down and stood about 10' from the body while the cops processed the scene. 1st experience with the stillness of death. I was 9.

[Here.I.Stand, BSN, RN]

Wow, there are some profound stories on this thread. Thank you, OP and everyone, for sharing.

I had been a CNA in LTC before becoming a nurse so had seen residents die, but the one that sticks with me was my first death as an RN. She was 29--just three yrs older than I was at the time. She had had some significant dental issues and was eating Percocet like candy. With all that acetaminophen, she'd gotten a liver transplant and had been on CRRT, but she still had a lot of cerebral edema and the prognosis was very poor. The night she died, I had gone to lunch and when I came back, her father and the chief neurosurg resident were in her room. Almost the instant I came in, her dad threw himself sobbing into my arms. I look over at the dr, and he mouthed the words, "Brain dead." The first thing her dad said the the dr. left was "She's a single mom...what am I going to tell her little girl?"

Even if I live to be 100, I won't forget that man's heartbreak.