Your first experience with a dead person

[ixchel]

During my internship, a page came overhead - code blue, ED, 2 minutes. My preceptor said, "you want in?" Well, yeah, of course I did. I'm realizing more and more I'm a trauma, critical care junkie. So I went down.

This frail, elderly woman was there on the table, clothes cut off her, just still. She could have been sleeping. The nurses were working on resuscitative efforts. The MD said stop. She was gone.

And as the group began quietly fixing her body for her husband to be with her, I held her still warm head, perfectly made hair, in my hands. A nurse came crashing in the door shouting in her "call to action" voice, "do you need blood???"

I couldn't help it. I had to giggle. They told her no, and she left. It was quiet and dark in the room. It had felt so full and busy when the woman first arrived, but now it was quiet, still, in peace.

I haven't seen any death in my tenure on this giant ball of rock. I've only been in the room with one deceased person before this. This woman will stay with me as my "first".

Do any of you have a first death experience that stays with you?

[edmia, BSN, RN]

Wonderful stories.

My first is too personal so I can't post it. It did prepare me for death as a nurse because nothing will ever compare.

I can't even remember my first as a nurse now that I have to think about it! Wow. It must have been a GSW during my first job in a level 1 trauma ER.

I remember the one where we were pouring in blood and with each compression it just poured right back out through the chest tubes. Began autologous transfusions when they cracked the chest to do internal massage and finally realized the bullet had done too much damage to the main vessels.

The weird thing about that one was the kid. He came in talking and had time to complain about us cutting his clothes off.

Inner city violence is very sad.

[HikingEDRN, BSN, RN]

I was working in the NICU. Little guy had been born at 26 weeks and had a terrible course - bad head, bad gut and bad lungs. He was also in liver failure due to TPN because he could never tolerate tube feeds for very long. His parents were somehow collecting SSI benefits for him even though they were not paying for his care. When they visited, they played on their phones and computers and rarely, if ever, touched him. I understand people cope differently but let's just say I was a bit suspicious of their motives in insisting that we "do everything." Add that to specialists with tunnel vision and we basically tortured him for 8 months.

I had taken care of him multiple times as a new grad nurse. When he passed away, his primary nurse asked me if I wanted to see him. I had not seen a dead body (other than wakes) before so I hesitated but ultimately decided to see him. I was so glad I did. During his entire life, his forehead and mouth would be tense and wrinkled with his discomfort and pain. It was the first time I saw his features relaxed and peaceful. It gave me peace.

[idialyze, BSN, RN]

It was my very first day of clinicals. I had visited the patient the night before to let her know I would be her student nurse in the am and to gather my info from the chart. She was very ill,ovarian cancer, and was unresponsive. I spoke with her sitter. When the nurse came in to do vitals,I watched her very closely, and observed that she opened the patient's mouth, inserted the temp probe, and gently held it closed.

The next day I was so excited, this being 1980, I dressed in my shiny white dress, apron, hose and shoes, topped of with my nursing cap! Unbeknowst to me, the patient expired while we were listening to the taped report. After report,I got the themometer and bounced off to her room. I took her temp. just the way I had seen the nurse do it the pm before. Her sitter was in the bathroom, packing the belongings. As I stood there waiting for her temp to register, her sitter came out of the bathroom, and exclaimed "Honey, She's DEAD!"

I screamed, threw the thermometer up into the air, and ran out of the room.

[imintrouble, BSN, RN]

LTC. I was brand new. Months, not years brand new. "Minnie" wasn't on my hall, but everybody in the building knew when a resident was dying. We were waiting and watching because "Minnie" didn't have family.

The nurses asked me to go get a pressure on Minnie. Of course she was already dead, and the nurses knew it. I'd never seen a dead person.

It sounds disrespectful, but I like to think that wherever Minnie was, she was laughing too.

[annaotis]

Working Oncology, I have seen numerous patients pass. The first was as a GN. My pt. was sixteen, a BIG, tall boy. My preceptor and I were transferring him from the bed to the chair and he coded. He fell right on top of both of us. We struggled to get out from under him and yell for help. Our team was able to revive him. He coded three more times that same week. The hardest part was hearing his mother scream, having to pull her out of the room so he could be worked on. Each time was worse than the last for her. Each time they asked for a full code. Each time she wailed. After the fourth code, they understood and made him a DNR. He was her only child. Another time I was charge on evening shift. This gentleman passed away very quietly, family said their good byes. (This was before everyone and their mother had a cell phone mind you.)The patient was being prepared to go to the morgue, the nurse had cleaned him up, placed the chin strap on him, cotton pads over his eyes, toe tag on... She went to get the body bag. In her absence, a "new " family member showed up and was sitting in the rocking chair in his room. When the nurse came into the room, he asked why the patient had all those "contraptions" on his head and were they part of his treatment....he had no idea his family member had passed. The nurse was speechless and ran to get me. No one had gotten a hold of him. I had to explain.

[bagface]

In the ER I always hate to see a child die. It just makes me feel so bad even though I know we did everything we could. Recently we had a three month old that had been abused and neglected by his parents. I had to go to the bathroom and cry after that one because I just felt so bad his little body had to endure something so terrible for three months, and he deserved the world and was given a horrible life instead. It just felt so unfair.

When I worked at 911 I had a few calls that still play in my head. One was when a woman called 911 as she was being stabbed to death by her boyfriend. I heard that awful screaming and eventually the gurgling as she was dying. She didn't make it. There were a few people I talked to that died on the phone, knowing I was the last person they were going to talk to made me appreciate life just a little more.

The other call I distinctly remember is a man who had his truck fall on his chest as he was working on it. He was going in and out of consciousness as I was talking to him. Some areas of our county are in remote spots and it takes a while for EMS to get to them - especially if all the trucks are out. Well this call came in and I was talking to him as he was struggling to breathe, and about two minutes later another call came in for the same area with an officer shot. The ambulance rerouted to the officer shot call and I was on the phone for 30 minutes with the man as he passed on. I couldn't imagine the pain he endured. I just was glad he wasn't alone as he passed.

Most of the time death doesn't bother me... I actually find it incredibly interesting. I try to go down and watch as many autopsies as possible. I love hearing people's stories, finding out the people they were and the life they lived. I really hope the next time a coroner position comes around I'm able to apply (part-time). I'm pretty sure I'd love it.

[tokmom, BSN, RN]

The first one I remember was a CNA and I was called to the ED to take the pt to the morgue. Being a curious 18 yr old, I snuck a peak under the sheet to see him. He was a post code, so the sight was not pretty.

After graduating nursing school and getting a job at a large hospital, I saw many people pass and have held their hands as they took their last breath.

My most recent was unexpected no code who died suddenly. I won't go into detail but it was very traumatizing for me even after all these years. Thankfully, it was toward the end of shift, so I didn't have to hold myself together for too long and I made sure I took care of me on my days off.

[Meriwhen, ASN, BSN, MSN, RN]

Whenever I encounter dead patients in psych, it's because they committed suicide or overdosed.

[angikat]

The one and only day I had a flat when I went to get in my car to drive to clinical's. I called my instructor and informed her I would be late so I guess she thought I deserved to be punished and she had an odd punishment. As soon as I arrived, a half hour late, she directed me to my patient for the day and told me to first get vital signs on her and then report back to her. She never blinked, nor did I hear anything in her voice. I walked into the room after knocking with no answer. My patient had no vital signs. I of course came barreling out of that room and thank God my instructor was there to stop me. She and a couple of other students were standing outside giggling. I was never late again.

Sent from my iPhone using allnurses

[Racer15, BSN, RN]

I work in the ED and can't recall the first code I worked. I do remember the first code that was mine. I was on orientation and we got a call saying we had a code 99 coming in and my preceptor told me that he was cutting me loose and it would be my patient. The pt was fairly young, late thirties, early forties. I can't remember if it was a witnessed arrest, I think it was. The doc walked in, told us hands off as he wanted a rhythm check, saw a systole and called it. Refused to let us do anything. I went home and cried. I doubt anything we could have done would have saved him but it tore me up that he didn't even let us try on a patient so young. My charge nurse was FURIOUS.

[exp626]

I don't remember my first patient who died. I do remember in nursing school seeing a patient who was a DNR and had died. He was in bed and a phlebotomist tried to draw labs.

[KJ87, BSN, RN]

I've only experienced the death of two patients so far, but they'll always stay with me.

During my senior practicum rotation they had me watch the heart monitor for a man on the unit who was passing. I'll never forget watching his heart rate slow to 25 before flatlining. I cried.

Then, a couple months ago when I was working in LTC, a woman was dying on my hall. Her respirations were 5/min, her mouth was open gasping for air, her skin colorless but mottled in some places. I had been taking care of my 29 other residents, constantly looking in on her between each one. Just as I finished with my last resident round my CNA told me this woman was no longer breathing. I felt terrible that I wasn't able to be there with her. It was a very different experience from the first.