Your Favorite one liner used with patients

[scaredofshots]

I am a student and I use humor to get me through clinicals. Once I told a patient "This is my first time giving an injection on a real live person." At the time it was very funny! The look on his face and my instructors was priceless!! I was curious what other things people have said or say to patients to break the ice.

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[chris_at_lucas_RN, RN]

I get a lot of compliments, and I truly enjoy them, but what I like even more is the laughter when I tell the patients and their families, "shhhh! I have a reputation to maintain!"

[Starfire]

i love this thread... :lol:

i never say one-liners to people... i'm kinda scared about how the patients would react to it...

but i do know some other people who drop funny one-liners... the one i like the most is when they say to little children:

"awww... don't worry, it'll grow back... eventually... probably..."

[Victoriakem]

I like to tell my patients that what we are doing to them, IV, pacer pads, etc won't hurt us a bit & if they complain we are taking too much blood for lab draws, I ask them, "Don't be so stingy!" And doing the OR consent questionaire I like to ask men patients if they could be pregnant. And when asked how long they will be in the ED with test results, etc. I tell them 3 days, at least.

[psalm, RN]

...when I am getting a blood sugar I will ask "which finger should I use, as long as it isn't mine?" and that usually gets a smile.

...in a semi-private room after the PM assessment, I will tell the pts. as I leave, "now no pillow fights".

..."don't go away, I'll be right back" to the pt. who is immobilized but in a good frame of mind and good mood.

[bethin]

To people who complain they can't sleep: "This isn't the Maui Hilton. Get a new travel agent."

When pts ask me how I'm doing: I flatly tell them "I'm here, aren't I?"

[psalm, RN]

...and "no running in the hallways!" to the pt with IV pole, foley bag and sometimes O2 s-l-o-w-l-y up & down the hall.

..at the elevators with the pt in bed or w/c going to dialysis or xray with a transporter I will offer "would you like me to hold the door to the stairs for you?"

[TDub, MSN, EdD]

For ladies puttering along in labour: "Ok, I'm going to go our in the hall and do my 'Dilation Dance'". Then I usually do a few steps to amuse them.

[MDSnursing]

Before checking a blood sugar-

"Do you want to try poking your nose or ear this time"

Or,

"Where do you want your insulin today- belly, arm, under the big toenail or in the eyeball"

Usually I respong "Well, maybe tomorrow. Loooks like your belly is easier for us today"

Of course, I know my residents really well, and they feel comfortable with me and love the sense of humour.

Or, upon entering a room with a new antibiotic to administer-

"This will cure everything, from herpes, to gonorhea (sp), the plague, your UTI, and of course a bad mood."

They love it.

[indigo girl]

After I assess my skilled rehab patients and get their vitals, I tell them, "you're in good shape for the shape you're in" and wish them a good night.

[jadelique]

I'm not an RN yet....in nursing school....but i work as a medical assistant in an OB/GYN office. Alot of times our older patients complain about the strains of getting older and the doctor will answer "Well, the alternative isn't that great either...." It cracks them up every time!!!! LOL:lol2: :lol2:

[indigo girl]

One of the last things I say to my patients after assessment is, "I think you're going to live". After the initial shock, they laugh.

[prmenrs, RN]

Sometimes, I'll get asked to do something "when you're free". "Well, I'm never free; affordable, not free!"