Your Favorite one liner used with patients

sscathlab · Oct 28, 2006

When I had a patient once ask if he was going to die, I told him on my shift. It was too much paperwork. He felt more comfortable after that good laugh.:gandalf: :balloons:

DoubleblessedRN, ADN, RN, EMT-B, EMT-P · Oct 28, 2006

Several years back, working in the ambulances, I worked with another female. Whenever we had a good-looking male pt (or even an older man with a sense of humor) I would ask him, "Have you ever been carried by two women before?" while he was being moved on the stretcher. That one gets a chuckle out of them.

Sometimes patients also wonder if two women are able to do the lifting that our job requires. I sometimes say "We only drop people on ___." (Whatever day of the week it is.)

casey12873 · Oct 28, 2006

This one wasn't intentional, but ended up being pretty funny...

When I was doing my IV sticks to get my cert, the nurses would tell the patients that I was a student and ask their permission for me to do the IV before I went in. This big ol' honkin' guy had a great vein and I got it on first try. However, I pulled the needle out too quickly and got blood all over the place. When that happened, I said "OOPS!" Lol, I thought he was going to pass out when I said that! :roll

slou! · Oct 28, 2006

There was a patient that was going to be discharged and I was at the nurse's station so he came over and said "excuse me, could you call me an escort?". So I looked at him and said"okay, you're an escort". We both burst out laughing!!:chuckle :chuckle

:roll :roll :roll I was cracking up when I read that!

Seriously I love it when I see people with a sense of humor! Especially in situations like all of you nurses' where the tone isn't so funny and more serious. I am a pre-nursing student so no stories of my own yet!

sanctuary, BSN, MSN, RN · Oct 28, 2006

If I have just given a handfull of pills to a patient (common in psych), I'll ask if they rattle when they walk. That usually gets a smile. One fellow cracked himself and me up when he answered, "Oh, I thought it was gas."

km5v6r, EdD, RN · Oct 29, 2006

When I have a pt who is post-op kidney transplant or slowly recovering from acute renal failure we become very excited about the "liquid gold" collecting in the bag. One of the pediatric Nephrologist I work with will instruct parents on the "peepee dance". She has even been known to demonstrate the dance for a 6 yr old recovering from HUS and coming to the end of needing dialysis.

indigo girl · Oct 29, 2006

When I have to wake patients up for their fasting blood sugars, I always tell them, "I'm here to see how sweet you are today." They frequently tell me that they are sour.

glea1022 · Oct 29, 2006

Too many to just choose a favorite (of course, all used judiciously)...

"I practiced on my cat last night." (prior to any procedure)

"We drive like drunks on payday" (when transporting a patient by stretcher with another cath lab crew member)

"Don't worry, all bleeding eventually stops."

"I promise I won't drop you. Too much paperwork." (best when turning a patient. If said on Monday, can add "heck of a way to start the week". If said on Friday, "heck of a way to end the week")

"It's cold in here, but at least it keeps the beer cold." (hey, the cath lab is a COLD room!)

"This procedure is totally painless, especially if the crew gets some chocolate chip cookies afterwards."

(ooohhh, we are soooooooo bad)

lpnstudentin2010, LPN · Oct 29, 2006

OK this is from a patient...Thank you for using humor. It is appreciated. People dont like things like needles (obviously) and breaking the ice makes it easier for the patient. So please keep doing the humor thing.

Cherish · Oct 29, 2006

When I have to wake patients up for their fasting blood sugars, I always tell them, "I'm here to see how sweet you are today." They frequently tell me that they are sour.

LOL thats cute.

HoosiER RN, RN · Oct 30, 2006

was getting ready to start an iv on pt with n/v/d x 3 days, told him I would draw his blood at the same time. the pt chimed in with "all with one little prick" I automatically said "what did you call me " after uncomfortable second pt and his wife started laughing and wife said it was first time pt laughed in the 3 days whew!

Era · Oct 30, 2006

I am a student and I use humor to get me through clinicals. Once I told a patient "This is my first time giving an injection on a real live person." At the time it was very funny! The look on his face and my instructors was priceless!! I was curious what other things people have said or say to patients to break the ice.

:penguin: Good for you! Nurses without a good sense of humour are usually quite scary to me. When I was on my final placement as a student nurse ( donkey's years ago! ), I worked with this fantastic and very comical Nurse and it made such a difference to the whole working environment. Nice for other nurses and more importantly, to the patients. Laughter is such a good therapy that requires no prescription.

I usually say to patients;

* This won't hurt..... ME much! I say this when I have to do anything uncomfortable.

* Don't worry, I'll leave you some left.... when I'm extracting blood.

* Don't worry.... it's music to our ears... when patient's get embarrassed after passing wind.

:lol2: