Your Favorite one liner used with patients

Nurses Humor

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I am a student and I use humor to get me through clinicals. Once I told a patient "This is my first time giving an injection on a real live person." At the time it was very funny! The look on his face and my instructors was priceless!! I was curious what other things people have said or say to patients to break the ice.

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Specializes in Recovery Room (PACU), Surgical, ICU/CCU.

When I put on the name band on the wrist and the leg on the patient, they would enquire why on the leg too. I would always say "in case, you get separated from your legs". They would give me a shocked look, and I would say 'nah, just so that if they need to snip off the name band from your wrist, they can still identify you from your leg band.

When I peel off the tegaderm from the patient's IV cannula, sometimes they would go 'ouch', I would say "I didnt feel that"! Usuallly gets a chuckle.

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Specializes in Trauma, Teaching.

"From my end of the needle, it doesn't hurt at all"

When getting ready for an IM in the backside, I ask "have you ever heard the term grin and bear it? Its your turn to bare it and grin!"

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Specializes in burn, geriatric, rehab, wound care, ER.

me: "Sir, do you have any pain today?"

patient: "No."

me: "Would you like some?"

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Specializes in Med/Surg, ER.

"I am not really a nurse but I did stay at a Holiday Inn last night" :coollook:

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"No, I'm not a doctor, but I am a nurse with a doctor's order."

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Specializes in Cardiac/Neuro.

I am a nursing student that works part time as a unit secretary in the ICU. I was walking by a pts room one day and overheard one of our more hilarious nurses trying to cheer up a pt that had been incontinent.

"There, there, to a nurse a day without poop, is like a day without sunshine."

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Specializes in Community, OB, Nursery.

See you about this time next year. (As I'm discharging a new mom from our OB unit. This is only half-jokingly.)

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Specializes in pediatric ER.

My very favorite is when I'm discharging a kiddo that had a negative Head CT. The radiologist usually writes "normal" across it and I like to say, "Well, we think you're normal... so you can let all your friends/teachers know that they're all wrong about you!" Usually get a good chuckle out of the parents. The kid responds differently depending on age. Kids laugh, teens roll their eyes!

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Specializes in cardiac med-surg.

when postop valves and cabg's go home [they are usually 60-70-80 years old] i say see you in 25 years !

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I am really close to some of my residents and try my best to keep them happy while I'm there......here are a couple of their faves..........

when going in the room to get a blood sugar I sing "time to poke a finger" to the mexican hat dance theme, and dance...they just laugh and hand me a finger........

tell them I'm thinking of going as a vampire for halloween all I seem to do is go around after peoples blood..........

kinda tired from working a double so that's all I can think of at the moment

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Specializes in Medical.

I say to patients when they're ready for discharge "I hope I never see you again... professionally."

If they're frequent flyers (usually renal patients) I say "I hear you're being paroled."

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Specializes in psych.
"Hi, my name is John and I'm NOT your nurse, but I play one on TV."

or my favorite, I'm not really a nuse, or i've never done this before, but i did sleep in a holiday inn last night.

I've got some residents the hold fingers out as soon as they see me coming, I just tell them i'm here to add another hole ...

We also do a lot of stupid dances and such to get the occassional reluctant shower done.

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