Your Favorite one liner used with patients

[scaredofshots]

I am a student and I use humor to get me through clinicals. Once I told a patient "This is my first time giving an injection on a real live person." At the time it was very funny! The look on his face and my instructors was priceless!! I was curious what other things people have said or say to patients to break the ice.

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[carolmaccas66, BSN, RN]

I always say a quote from my surfer, hippy uncle when I say bye to patients:

'I'll catch u on the next wave!' That gets a laugh out of them, especially post op patients.

[ChristineAdrianaRN, BSN, RN]

After unhooking a patient from the IV pump, I will say "You are now free to move about the country."

Hehe, I use that one too.

Had a patient ask me the other day, "Are you an RN??" Looked confused, said, "Hm, I dunno", peeked at my badge, "Yeah, I guess so!"

To the old confused men that hate their bed alarms going off when they climb out of bed - "That's what gets all us pretty ladies running into your room!"

"It's time to turn you, we want to make sure you roast evenly."

I also find myself singing songs related to pt's names sometimes. Had a Mr. Rogers, of course from that came, "It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful day in the neighborhood..." Which got me a smile and some eye-rolling. I think he's heard that one before.

Also had a patient whose first name was Carrie and I couldn't help but sing that Keri Hilson song when I'd go into her room: "Her name is Carrie, she's so very - " and the patient would sing back, "Fly, oh my, it's a little bit scary!" It was actually kind of cute because when she'd get IV/blood sticks, she'd sing or hum this song to herself as a way to calm her down....sweet lady.

Definitely picked up some good ones from this thread! Thanks for sharing, everyone!

[teeniebert, LPN]

For those who make faces when I give them thier meds: "They can put a man on the moon but still can't make medicine taste good. Pity!"

This one always gets a laugh, although I usually say, 'they can send a rocket to Mars...'

[Jenni811, RN]

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I don't get it, can you explain this one?

It is illegal to remove tags from pillows and matresses. Crazy law, i know..but it is illegal.

[No Stars In My Eyes]

To a real irritable 90+ y.o. guy who gave everyone a difficult time, being especially uncooperative when receiving personak care, When he balled up his fist and growled at me "give me a rock and I'll KILL you!" I smiled, held up a disposable razor and said, "That's a mighty brave thing to say to a strange woman who is standing over you with a sharp object!" He was so surprised that he started laughing, and every time he saw me after that he laugh or grin. His dgt. said " I haven't seen Daddy get as tickled about something in a long time!" I could walk by his room and ball up my fist and shake it at him, and as I'd continue down the hall I could hear him say loudly: "HA!"

[al586]

While on orientation with a seasoned nurse, we had an abusive patient who was particularly nasty, both verbally & physically, to the nursing staff, even after 2 months at he facility. As we were changing his soiled diaper, he snarled at her "How does it feel to get paid to wipe my a**?" She smiled sweetly at him and replied, "How does it feel to pay me to wipe your a**?"

[EMTadaiza]

When taking a bp of pts at work ( LTC) I tell them "well you're gonna live to put up with me for another day". It gets laughs from pts and families alike.

[SnowShoeRN]

When putting on a gown, mesh panties, whatever, saying it in an encouraging enticing tone, as if I'm trying to sell it, "This is one size fit's no-one..." A nurse said it to me once when I was a patient and I've used it since. Never fails to get a laugh. :)

When taking a social history being sure to ask everyone, especially the old ladies about their smoking, drinking, drug history. "No marijuana? No crack cocaine?" If they or their family laughs or are surprised and smile I just go on, "Not dropping acid in the park after church on Sundays?" Soon the whole family is laughing.

Incidentally, I've discovered that it is a valuable question to ask. I do still get the occasional 70-80 year old say "Oh yeah. I smoke pot maybe once a week" or whatever. AND...I'll never forget this... I had a 97 YEAR OLD lady say to me once (in reference to marijuana) and after a pause to think about it..."No...but I've wanted to. It's such a pretty plant. My grandson..."

Laughing, I stopped her there and just made her promise not start while she was in the hospital!

[ChristineAdrianaRN, BSN, RN]

I used some of these last night. Particularly, "Listening to the baby kick" (to an 87 year old woman), starting an IV, "This won't hurt at all from my end!" and in response to how cold it is, "It's to keep the beer cold, ya know!" They all got laughs. Hehe thanks creative nursies!