Why do We eat our young?

Davey Do · Aug 25, 2017

Please allow me to dust off some old cartoons from a couple of previous threads:

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Been there,done that, ASN, RN · Aug 25, 2017

I think there are just a lot of seriously unhappy people in this world. Unfortunately, we might work with some of them.
Having worked with a few of these folks, I know it is awfully unpleasant. For years now I have thought about Linda,
Marilyn, Susan, Barbara, Wanda, Sue, and the others who don't come to memory at this moment. Their rudeness, their
bitterness, their personal unhappiness that they brought to work with them every day really did a number on me - for
years and years. The memory of them always makes me dislike them all over again, makes me recall how uncomfortable
it was to work with these people, how I could never really relax around them or trust them. No doubt they had reasons
to be miserable, but they should have learned how to leave their troubles at home. I did. Most of us do.
From now on, I plan to think about Rachel, Mary, Loretta, Pat, Diana, Betty, Delores, Wade, Joe, Jan, Marie, Claudia, Janet,
and the majority of nurses I've worked with these past many years. These were kindly, pleasant, helpful, patient. I need to
let go of the ugliness the others brought to work.
I hope that all who are disturbed by coworkers will think about the other folks you work with - the ones who are patient and
helpful, who you might know have troubles but who leave them at the door, do their jobs, get along with others, and who are
generally a joy to be with.
I plan to pray more for unhappy people, too. (Like me because I didn't win the $758,000,000)!!!!

Well said.

Not_A_Hat_Person, RN · Aug 25, 2017

What about NETE, Nurses Eating Their Elders? Does anyone CARE to discuss that? I once had a manager that told the seasoned nurse (who had trained practically the whole unit) she should consider LTC, because she wasn't keeping up with the fast pace of the unit.
Not only did she disrespect all LTC nurses with that statement she disrespected a 25 year experienced nurse who had the utmost respect of all her peers INCLUDING the doctors.

Maybe the seasoned nurse should grow a thicker skin? Stand up for herself? Try to be more likeable? Stop being a snowflake who sees oppression around every corner?

Not_A_Hat_Person, RN · Aug 25, 2017

I find the millennial generation who are so used to having every difficulty smoothed out for them that they don't know how to react when they meet up with someone who is mean or negative. Again you chose how you want to be viewed. If you are continually looking for bullies you will find them. If you continue to feel victimized you will be. If you stand up and look the bad actors in the eye they will back down.

Unless they double down and try harder. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt.

allnurses Guide · Aug 25, 2017

Night shift will eat anything.

allnurses Guide · Aug 26, 2017

So you disagree that NETY exists that's fine. Not sure y why people couldn't just say that.
I have a great sense of humor, those were bad jokes. If I had a tomato to throw.....lol
But seriously you know good and well many of you are annoyed by the question. If people are asking it more than once, perhaps it's a real experience. But carry on with how much better new nurses taste

It is a real experience. It does a disservice to those who are experiencing the real experience to have it lost in the shuffle or trivialized by comparing it to what is often labeled bullying these days.

It's also true that the topic is brought up frequently. And frequently the topic is much more indicative of a person not motivated by personal distress, but their enjoyment of disrupting the flow of discussion that could be of value to the person sincerely seeking advice.

They include scant details, and deliberate inclusion of phrases likely to get this type of response. Usually they post once and never return.

When they never acknowledge they returned to read the replies, it's always annoying, to me anyway.

allnurses Guide · Aug 26, 2017

I think there are just a lot of seriously unhappy people in this world. Unfortunately, we might work with some of them.
Having worked with a few of these folks, I know it is awfully unpleasant. For years now I have thought about Linda,
Marilyn, Susan, Barbara, Wanda, Sue, and the others who don't come to memory at this moment. Their rudeness, their
bitterness, their personal unhappiness that they brought to work with them every day really did a number on me - for
years and years. The memory of them always makes me dislike them all over again, makes me recall how uncomfortable
it was to work with these people, how I could never really relax around them or trust them. No doubt they had reasons
to be miserable, but they should have learned how to leave their troubles at home. I did. Most of us do.
From now on, I plan to think about Rachel, Mary, Loretta, Pat, Diana, Betty, Delores, Wade, Joe, Jan, Marie, Claudia, Janet,
and the majority of nurses I've worked with these past many years. These were kindly, pleasant, helpful, patient. I need to
let go of the ugliness the others brought to work.

"A little bit of Monica in my life, a little bit of Erica by my side,

A little bit of Rita's all I need, a little bit of Tina's what I see".

sorry. :)

AngelKissed857, BSN, RN · Aug 26, 2017

As a new RN, but someone with a LOT of life experience (I'm 59), I can tell you that NETY is alive and well in this day and age. I am very fortunate in that I have rarely experienced it in the hospital setting i think primarily due to my age and composure. But i have seen it happen to classmates who are young and very competent- apparently just because the nurse CAN bully. And instructors- for the most part, will not stand up for the student, because the school is always terrified of losing their place at the hospital. I have been bullied three times, once was in front of my clinical instructor- who had my back and shut the nurse down (GO Magee!), once with a nurse who simply hates students, and once with a preceptor, who is just that person, what are ya gonna do? My takeaway- I will NEVER bully a student. Correct them, yes. Make sure they don't kill anyone- definitely! But I will also always take into consideration that this is someone who is learning. They don't have all the knowledge they need- who really does? There is always more to learn. But a student in their first or second, or even third and fourth semester, are just touching the tip of the iceberg! And they are learning not only how to care for patients, but how to interact with people, and that includes colleagues. I will not be the one to teach them to do so with disrespect and unkindness- there is simply NO excuse for that.

AlwaysLearning247, BSN · Aug 27, 2017

I don't see much bullying in nursing. It obviously exists, but I think it has to do with a certain person, not nurses in general. You'll find bullies anywhere. Personally in my career so far I've had many helpful and supportive nurses, much more supportive than jobs I've had before nursing.

ItsThatJenGirl, CNA · Aug 27, 2017

As a new RN, but someone with a LOT of life experience (I'm 59), I can tell you that NETY is alive and well in this day and age. I am very fortunate in that I have rarely experienced it in the hospital setting i think primarily due to my age and composure. But i have seen it happen to classmates who are young and very competent- apparently just because the nurse CAN bully. And instructors- for the most part, will not stand up for the student, because the school is always terrified of losing their place at the hospital. I have been bullied three times, once was in front of my clinical instructor- who had my back and shut the nurse down (GO Magee!), once with a nurse who simply hates students, and once with a preceptor, who is just that person, what are ya gonna do? My takeaway- I will NEVER bully a student. Correct them, yes. Make sure they don't kill anyone- definitely! But I will also always take into consideration that this is someone who is learning. They don't have all the knowledge they need- who really does? There is always more to learn. But a student in their first or second, or even third and fourth semester, are just touching the tip of the iceberg! And they are learning not only how to care for patients, but how to interact with people, and that includes colleagues. I will not be the one to teach them to do so with disrespect and unkindness- there is simply NO excuse for that.

Not to belabor the point, but being unkind/rude/disrespectful is not bullying.

Here's the definition:

Bullying is the use of force, threat, or coercion to abuse, intimidate, or aggressively dominate others. The behavior is often repeated and habitual. One essential prerequisite is the perception, by the bully or by others, of an imbalance of social or physical power, which distinguishes bullying from conflict. Behaviors used to assert such domination can include verbal harassment or threat, physical assault or coercion, and such acts may be directed repeatedly towards particular targets

This is why people often get frustrated when NETY is spoken about. It seems like many, many people think that rudeness is bullying, when it's just rudeness. When we misapply the word, it diminishes the experiences of people that have been victimized and people are less inclined to discuss it.

My opinion, of course.

AngelKissed857, BSN, RN · Aug 27, 2017

Can we agree that NETY is bullying? If so, I assure you that what I've witnessed qualified under your definition.

3ringnursing, BSN · Aug 27, 2017

Is this ... a joke?

One of those dry, tongue in cheek humor posts, like "I failed my NCLEX for the 100th time, what do I do?". Or, " All the stupid old nurses on my unit are bullies, but I know more than them (and I graduate next semester)"?

Just checking ...