This is a continuation of another thread that got comical (and as per requested by mama_d)...what would you like to chart if you can get away with it?
Here are some of mine; "Idiot resident placed in ridiculous order that would kill patient. Decided that I love my license better than this and decided not to do it, but will if he gives me HIS arm rather than the patient's. Collaborated with DON, Nsg. Supervisor and got a good laugh" signed...LPN who will keep her license at all costs:typing:nurse:
Or: "Patient requested for nursing staff to go to McDonald's for the Big Mac special to relieve his distress (this actually happened, folks). Informed that errand running off the grounds is not within scope of practice or hospital policy.
Specializes in Community Health, Med-Surg, Home Health.
"pt instructed to not use the call bell every three seconds. pt verbalizes understanding"
continuation: "patient now uses call bell every two seconds since he verbalized understanding not to use every three seconds. consulted with interdisciplinary team, consensus is to tell him to go to purgatory".
"Pt found on floor after 6000 attempts to ambulate independently. Safety issues r/t confusion, short-term memory loss, and healthcare facility who places profit margin over pt and employee safety. Notified physician of fall. Post-fall VS in place. Pt cont to be confused w/ forgetfulness. Facility cont to be obsessed with $$. Will cont to monitor."
Specializes in Community Health, Med-Surg, Home Health.
"patient requested that nurse call his girlfriend and tell her that he never wants to see her again as his wife found out about the affair and threatened to cut off his male member. informed patient that breaking up with girlfriend was not part of nursing job or consistent with hospital policy. patient states nurse is a real witch (or something that rhymes) and must wish to see him dead. patient is possibly correct about the second half of that statement."
"patient's husband is once again seated at the nursing station, eavesdropping and drinking from his enormous coffee cup filled with jack daniels. nurse has informed husband that he must stay with patient in the room or go out to the waiting room. husband insists that since he is paying nurse's salary, he will sit any dammed place he wishes. nurse manager called and has escorted husband off the unit." (ok, this almost happened -- everything except the nm backing up the nursing staff. in reality, she told us to find somewhere else to chart.)
"patient alert, oriented and suffering from severe thumb spasms causing call light to be activated every thirty seconds or so."
pt refuses to remain in bed although the break for which he was originally treated is now re-broken and septic. rates pain 9/10. pt's hydromorphone administered to this writer, who now states pain as 2 on 0/10 pita scale. or else this writer is now too high to care.
iv infiltrated. attempt to find new vein on male pt covered with tattoos. pt whinning about how much being stuck with needle for iv hurts!
omg, these are hilarious! takes the edge off after a crappy day.
patient must be illiterate and cannot read the difference of spelling between a hotel and a hospital.
wow...this thread turned out to be funnier than i ever could have imagined! thanks for the laughs!!
Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.
Pt presented c severe headache, n/v, eyes tearing and mucus membranes irritated. Stated that it started when she decided to bake some bread and rise it in the electric oven s pilot so she placed it in its plastic bowl into the oven, turned it on, and forgot about it. She then removed it, placed it into the trash receptacle, and set the oven to self-clean. When she entered the kitchen 2o setting off the smoke alarm sysmptoms began.
Advised her not to do that stupid stuff again.
(Unfortunately, this is me. Right now. Airing out the house with it 27 f outside,)
BWAHAHAhahahahahaha!! Sounds like something I would do........
Specializes in Community Health, Med-Surg, Home Health.
pt refuses to remain in bed although the break for which he was originally treated is now re-broken and septic. rates pain 9/10. pt's hydromorphone administered to this writer, who now states pain as 2 on 0/10 pita scale. or else this writer is now too high to care.
yeah, this one is one of the best...why get the patient high when he won't change...if i get it, at least i won't be as agitated...
continuation: "patient now uses call bell every two seconds since he verbalized understanding not to use every three seconds. consulted with interdisciplinary team, consensus is to tell him to go to purgatory".
19 yo GSW patient. Vital signs stable. Acting like big baby.
(On a side note, I find it frustrating when I have these GSW patients who are young and get shot because they are involved in gang activities and when they come into the hospital they act like big babies and do the "poor me" thing and their families baby them. Find something more productive with your time other than being in a gang.)
Haven't read the whole thread, but on a similar note...one of our plastics docs was up on the floor to see a patient that was consulted....among his injuries was a mandible fx. The doc said that he finds that at LEAST 90% of mandilbe fx's have a REASON they got it that way (fights, falling drunk of a barstool, whatever). In this case, someone who knew the guy, hit him with her car. Five minutes WITH the guy, and you could kind of see why (haha). BUT, yes, tons of family doting on the "poor" kids, etc etc...all I could think was, "damn, who'd YOU **** off?"
Pt reports 11/10 abd pain, but considering his extensive drug history, most likely pt is faking, in light of the fact that he is scarfing down cookies brought by his disreputable looking girlfriend, who talks a mile a minute and has all the signs of being on meth. Pt was crying over his new diagnosis of heart failure saying "Why me?" Told him "Because you are a total idiot Bucko! What did you think would happen when you snorted cocaine for all those years? And now you're into Meth? Basically, you are a candidate for this year's Darwin award, in my opinion"
Specializes in Community Health, Med-Surg, Home Health.
Pt reports 11/10 abd pain, but considering his extensive drug history, most likely pt is faking, in light of the fact that he is scarfing down cookies brought by his disreputable looking girlfriend, who talks a mile a minute and has all the signs of being on meth. Pt was crying over his new diagnosis of heart failure saying "Why me?" Told him "Because you are a total idiot Bucko! What did you think would happen when you snorted cocaine for all those years? And now you're into Meth? Basically, you are a candidate for this year's Darwin award, in my opinion"
I literally had to pick myself up from the floor from laughing so hard that I slipped out of my chair. Good one!:bowingpur
MadisonsMomRN, BSN, RN
377 Posts
I would love to chart this for adults!