This is a continuation of another thread that got comical (and as per requested by mama_d)...what would you like to chart if you can get away with it?
Here are some of mine; "Idiot resident placed in ridiculous order that would kill patient. Decided that I love my license better than this and decided not to do it, but will if he gives me HIS arm rather than the patient's. Collaborated with DON, Nsg. Supervisor and got a good laugh" signed...LPN who will keep her license at all costs:typing:nurse:
Or: "Patient requested for nursing staff to go to McDonald's for the Big Mac special to relieve his distress (this actually happened, folks). Informed that errand running off the grounds is not within scope of practice or hospital policy.
Specializes in Day Surgery, Agency, Cath Lab, LTC/Psych.
Patient continues to rate pain 10/10 despite laughing and chatting on cell phone. Patient educated that 10/10 pain is the equivalent to having one's arm ripped off by a lion while being drug across broken glass. Patient now reports pain 7/10.
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
"patient requested that nurse call his girlfriend and tell her that he never wants to see her again as his wife found out about the affair and threatened to cut off his male member. informed patient that breaking up with girlfriend was not part of nursing job or consistent with hospital policy. patient states nurse is a real witch (or something that rhymes) and must wish to see him dead. patient is possibly correct about the second half of that statement."
"patient's husband is once again seated at the nursing station, eavesdropping and drinking from his enormous coffee cup filled with jack daniels. nurse has informed husband that he must stay with patient in the room or go out to the waiting room. husband insists that since he is paying nurse's salary, he will sit any dammed place he wishes. nurse manager called and has escorted husband off the unit." (ok, this almost happened -- everything except the nm backing up the nursing staff. in reality, she told us to find somewhere else to chart.)
"patient alert, oriented and suffering from severe thumb spasms causing call light to be activated every thirty seconds or so."
Pt refuses to remain in bed although the break for which he was originally treated is now re-broken and septic. Rates pain 9/10. Pt's hydromorphone administered to this writer, who now states pain as 2 on 0/10 PITA scale. Or else this writer is now too high to care.
Patient once again asked for carrot juice. Nurse once again informed patient we don't have any and no, the nurse won't be calling the doctor to see if we can buy her a juicer. If patient asks again pls know patient will need immediate rectal surgery when nurse shoves carrot about patient's ass.
Pt presented c severe headache, n/v, eyes tearing and mucus membranes irritated. Stated that it started when she decided to bake some bread and rise it in the electric oven s pilot so she placed it in its plastic bowl into the oven, turned it on, and forgot about it. She then removed it, placed it into the trash receptacle, and set the oven to self-clean. When she entered the kitchen 2o setting off the smoke alarm sysmptoms began.
Advised her not to do that stupid stuff again.
(Unfortunately, this is me. Right now. Airing out the house with it 27 f outside,)
pt presented c severe headache, n/v, eyes tearing and mucus membranes irritated. stated that it started when she decided to bake some bread and rise it in the electric oven s pilot so she placed it in its plastic bowl into the oven, turned it on, and forgot about it. she then removed it, placed it into the trash receptacle, and set the oven to self-clean. when she entered the kitchen 2o setting off the smoke alarm sysmptoms began.
advised her not to do that stupid stuff again.
(unfortunately, this is me. right now. airing out the house with it 27 f outside,)
shellsgogreen
328 Posts
"pt instructed to not use the call bell every three seconds. pt verbalizes understanding"