ok... I'm relatively new to this, but I have noticed several people posting about unsupportive spouses. What is up with that? I know this does happen despite the fact it is 2012 and we should have progressed far beyond this, but I'm surprised at how many people I have seen mention an unsupportive spouse! Has anyone else noticed too many people say they have a spouse who does not support them?
Maybe I'm particularly independent because my Mom who is a nurse of 30 plus years, raised me as a single parent over half the time since my parents split and my Dad is a Merchant Marine? Maybe it is something about us New England gals? Maybe I'm simply soured from my divorce and have little faith in depending on men who do often leave when you least expect it! Sadly, even the most 'perfect' marriages fail. Maybe I'm extremely stubborn and just flat out refuse to feel like someone else has more control over my life than I do.
I just can't stand the thought of not being able to support myself or my children whenever I have them. I can't stand the thought of anyone standing in my way! and it ticks me off that so many people are fighting this battle they surely should not have to fight! I'm the kind of person who will fight ten times harder if you tell me no, and sometimes I wish I could donate some of my attitude problem to others who need support.
So here is my advice. Don't take that crap! Why should your spouse be the only one who receives emotional support for their career? or why should your spouse only support you if you do as they wish with your life? they shouldn't!!! Follow your Nursing dreams and anyone who truly loves you will find a way to be supportive, even if it is difficult for them at first. Do what you need to do to be able to support yourself and your children. Should you find yourself with out your spouse for any reason, you will be so glad you did. Having a nursing career is not a threat to anyone's family, manhood, relationship, or marriage if the spouse doesn't make it that way!
A few invalid student perspectives does not negate the reality in which many spouses are un-supportive for completely selfish reasons.
The above statement pretty much tells me all I need to know about you. Any opinion that does not track with your opinion is summarily judged as being invalid?
If you already have all the answers then why come here? Were you simply looking for others to justify your stance?
You should follow you heart and you should do whatever is required for you to be happy. This may result in the end of your relationship. t may hurt others. But, that is how life is sometimes. People change. This foes not make you a bad person nor does it make your spouse a bad person. It simply is what it is.....
Funny you mention this. I was in Microbiology last week and some older lady (who complains about EVERYTHING ) mentioned that her husband was not on board with her doing the nursing program. She said she works 60 hours a week and goes to school (good luck with that and nursing). I was appauled that she said that. I could not imagine going to school without my husband's support! My hub is my biggest cheerleader and my biggest fan. He supports me so I dont have to work, I go to school and take care of the house, laundry, cleaning, yard work and my teenage daughter. :hug:Granted, he is a professional but I could not imagine a life with a hub that didnt support my choices. :kiss I feel bad for the women that dont have their husband's support! Kick them to the curb!
Sometimes though I have to agree with the unsupportive spouse. I have read stories of ladies with 3 babies beneath the ages of 5 and the husband has FT job and makes ok money, and simply wants the wife to wait for the kids to be older etc. Sometimes the spouse's objections are legitimate. I firmly believe that when you marry, you gotta make choices together, not on your own because you're "independent". If you're married with kids, you really aren't. The man depends on the woman just as much.
I just started school this spring and have to months left to finish this semester, but my spouse JUST lost his job 3 weeks ao. we have a 3 year old and $0 in the account now EDD is taking a longer than we expected. I work retail only a couple days a week so the $ i bring home is basically nothing. Im so afraid whats going to happen. He's been supportive about me going to school but now since he has no job. Ive been feeling so guitly of not working more. but with 3 classes studying takes up alot of time. I wish i knew what to do.
Maybe the spouses are not being unsupportive, but just giving their spouse a reality check. Not everyone is in a position to drop everything and devote years to pursue nursing, while accruing often tens of thousands of dollars in debt. Not every dream can come to be in the timing that we would like it to.
It is my dream to go to Vet school. There is no Vet school within 5 hours of my home, we are unable to move without losing hubby's income, which we cannot live without. We have 3 foster children who we hope to adopt who need 100% of my attention, and we cannot move without losing them. We own a home and would likely take a loss to sell it in this market. We are still paying off my nursing degree debt, as well as some credit card debt and other bills, and have no way to pay for Vet school other than more loans.
Would my husband be being unsupportive if he told me Vet school was not a good idea right now? Sometimes when it is someone's dream they just don't want to see the reality, but yet it is the spouse that brings it to light who is critisized for being unsupportive.
A few invalid student perspectives does not negate the reality in which many spouses are un-supportive for completely selfish reasons.
"The above statement pretty much tells me all I need to know about you. Any opinion that does not track with your opinion is summarily judged as being invalid?"
I think you may be misinterpreting what I am saying. Perhaps I was not clear enough, if so I apologize. What I mean is just because there are students out there who wrongfully complain about an unsupportive spouse, doesn't change or make those complaints from people who really do not have support and clearly should have it less legitimate. I'm not saying that if someone disagrees with me that their point of view is in valid. I should have chosen different words to describe what I meant.
There might be good reasons to wait a year, or good reasons to consider a different program, but there really are not good reasons to be unsupportive.
Eagles wings, there will be no flames from me! no worries As I said in a previous post that I quoted above, I can completely see how sometimes school has to be postponed for a bit or maybe a different program for location/financial reasons. Taking your family into consideration is certainly the right thing to do, but so is supporting your spouse in their dreams. Even if you think right now it just simply is not possible you can still express that you support their seeking this education at a later date. Know what I mean? I'm basically getting at the spouses I hear of that simply do not think it is "necessary" for their partner to go to school. The people who are getting a response of 'well why would you want to go do that? you don't need to go to school'. That is what gets me fired up!
Mindlor, in fact I know I do not have all of the answers. Although I'm out going and out spoken sometimes, I do not lack logic or ability to consider other points. The reason I posted this thread was because it sure seemed to me like I was hearing and seeing a lot of unsupported students who felt very much in despair over their situation. The thread has certainly brought many perspectives and also many positive stories. Both of those things are good and I'm glad there was so much response. Thanks everyone. :)
I just started school this spring and have to months left to finish this semester, but my spouse JUST lost his job 3 weeks ao. we have a 3 year old and $0 in the account now EDD is taking a longer than we expected. I work retail only a couple days a week so the $ i bring home is basically nothing. Im so afraid whats going to happen. He's been supportive about me going to school but now since he has no job. Ive been feeling so guitly of not working more. but with 3 classes studying takes up alot of time. I wish i knew what to do.
Ready-Set-Go, I'm sorry to hear of your troubles. Is it possible to get some temporary family assistance? Have you spoken with anyone at your local DHHS office? There may be assistance out there that could get you through until your husband finds work. Also, it maybe possible to get emergency loans from your school, if you have financial aid. Don't give up school until you have checked out all of your options. I'm sure it is hard not to feel guilty, but try not to be too hard on yourself. It isn't your fault you can't work full time and go to school and it isn't your fault your hubby lost his job.
You are doing a lot for your family by going to school and it will pay off, even if you get a bit delayed. I'm sure it feels like your not helping right now, but in the long run you definitely are. I hope you are able to find a way to get through and stay in school, but if you can't just remember many people have to step back for a bit and return to school when the dust has settled. :hug:
Part of being a grown up is accepting that sometimes you have to put the needs of the family ahead of the wants/needs of the individual, at least in the short term.
And given the current job market for new nurses I think encouraging someone to go deeper in debt as a short time solution is horrible advice and is likely to have long term consequences.
Were I in Ready-set-go's position I'd up my hours at work as much as possible now and plan on placing school on hold beginning with the next term. Who knows how long her husband will be unemployed.
I just started school this spring and have to months left to finish this semester, but my spouse JUST lost his job 3 weeks ao. ... I wish i knew what to do.
Go to family and friends now for help. Dont stop this semester. Crank out these last few months, THEN, if you have to, go back to work. You can get placed in where you left off (assuming it's not too long) when your husband gets another job.
Go to your school counceling or admissions department and talk to them. Being that you are at the end of your semester, and if you are doing well, finish it, otherwise you will have to retake the whole semester. it is probably too late to withdraw and if you stop going, you will end up with F's and that will be detrimental to your GPA.
Good luck to you! :hug: Let us know what you plan to do.
What baffles me is why I keep reading that a woman who is a full time nursing student and sometimes a part-time or full time worker as well, is married with children, but is STILL expected to do all of the child care, cooking, cleaning, and so on, while her spouse only works for full time but can't be bothered to help out with the rest, or has to be repeatedly asked. It's sad to see posted in 2012, but women are still expected to do everything for everyone with little support. Hmm...sounds a lot like nursing.
) mentioned that her husband was not on board with her doing the nursing program. She said she works 60 hours a week and goes to school (good luck with that and nursing). I was appauled that she said that. 
I could not imagine going to school without my husband's support! My hub is my biggest cheerleader and my biggest fan. He supports me so I dont have to work, I go to school and take care of the house, laundry, cleaning, yard work and my teenage daughter. :hug:Granted, he is a professional but I could not imagine a life with a hub that didnt support my choices. :kiss I feel bad for the women that dont have their husband's support! Kick them to the curb! 
EDD is taking a longer than we expected. I work retail only a couple days a week so the $ i bring home is basically nothing. Im so afraid whats going to happen. He's been supportive about me going to school but now since he has no job. Ive been feeling so guitly of not working more. but with 3 classes studying takes up alot of time. I wish i knew what to do.
As I said in a previous post that I quoted above, I can completely see how sometimes school has to be postponed for a bit or maybe a different program for location/financial reasons. Taking your family into consideration is certainly the right thing to do, but so is supporting your spouse in their dreams. Even if you think right now it just simply is not possible you can still express that you support their seeking this education at a later date. Know what I mean? I'm basically getting at the spouses I hear of that simply do not think it is "necessary" for their partner to go to school. The people who are getting a response of 'well why would you want to go do that? you don't need to go to school'. That is what gets me fired up!
mindlor
1,341 Posts
A few invalid student perspectives does not negate the reality in which many spouses are un-supportive for completely selfish reasons.
The above statement pretty much tells me all I need to know about you. Any opinion that does not track with your opinion is summarily judged as being invalid?
If you already have all the answers then why come here? Were you simply looking for others to justify your stance?
You should follow you heart and you should do whatever is required for you to be happy. This may result in the end of your relationship. t may hurt others. But, that is how life is sometimes. People change. This foes not make you a bad person nor does it make your spouse a bad person. It simply is what it is.....
That said, I wish you well in your endeavors.