What gives with the unsupportive spouses?

Mommyof2boys0710 · Mar 31, 2012

Agreed!

gottagetmyrn · Apr 1, 2012

Nicely Said!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OB-nurse2013, BSN, RN · Apr 1, 2012

I don't think its wrong to rely on your spouse, thats what marriage is for. I for one have been on both sides of the game. When I was completeing my last year of pre=req's my husband was finishing his program and working fullltime so i had no help at home and he was always busy and focused. That winter I staretd nursing school and now I am finishing my third semester with 3 clinicals and tons of work and hes taking the brunt of work at home and we have 2 very lil ones. My point is no matter what its a huge change and a ton of stress so I think of course its hard on our spouse. I knew my huband was doing what he was doing to make a better living and doing what he dreamed to but it didnt make it any easier when he I was exjausted and lonely, sometimes I resented him. We got through it and I try to talk to him to let him know I understand how things are fro him now since I'm so busy but we fight more and I expect it. There's always more to things then meets the eye and I am very independent but I think its very courageous to say "yes, I do need my husband," and there's not a thing wrong with that, we all need somebody

KnitAndPurl · Apr 1, 2012

I am going through this right now. I am a student at Excelsior in a joint program of a BS in Healthcare Management with a dual MBA. My husband thinks this is the way to go. I am currently waiting to hear this fall if I was accepted into my local college's nursing program. He has made it loud and clear that I am crazy to leave school and become a nurse. I understand his reasoning that he has given and I have a lot of respect for him. Thankfully I still have some time to think about it and there is no point getting too worked up until I even see if I get in.

backinschoolmama · Apr 1, 2012

Well said dragonfly! You have to have the attitude that nothing will stand in the way of your education....and make it happen! It will all be worth it in the long run.

dragonfly414 · Apr 1, 2012

No there is not anything wrong with relying on a spouse, so long as the relationship is give and take from both sides like you were just describing Iluvpatho. There is a difference between relying on your spouse during a stressful time like school, and being financially dependent on them. For some families a single income works, I personally can't do it. It would literally make me nuts, and if my boyfriend of almost 4 years didn't support me going to nursing school it would be the end of the road for us.

Granted, we don't have children so it is less complicated, but after surviving 2-12 month deployments, finding out my husband impregnated someone else (yes, very Jerry Springer of him huh?), and a divorce after 6 years together I'm not afraid of anything anybody will throw at me! I'm not afraid of having my heart broke, would I be sad? yes. Do I hope my boyfriend and I stay together and "live happily ever after"? of course, but I don't believe in fairy tales. I believe sometimes even the best of marriages fail.. sounds negative but it is true.

When my marriage rapidly fell apart I felt like I couldn't live with out him, because I had never in my wildest dreams thought we wouldn't be together. I built my life around him, not around me. So now that I can see clearly, I have a completely different outlook on relationships and also on life. I know I will be just fine because I already survived the most ridiculous awful crap, and I know life doesn't revolve around my spouse.

If anyone thinks their selfish needs or archaic sexist attitudes are more important than my education for a nursing career, well then they just don't really want to be part of my life. Get in my way of my dreams and my happiness... they better guess again! I expect my spouse to support me the same way I support them!

Iluvpatho, it sounds like you and your husband have a great relationship to be able to survive the challenges of both of you attending college. That is awesome! and a very rare thing in this world. It is encouraging to hear someone say they are making it work and that their spouse supports them. I need to hear more of this to help restore my faith, cause I'm hearing and seeing a lot of negative nonsense on the part of unsupportive spouses!

Just as it is hard on the student, I'm sure it is hard on the spouse. My point is if women want to be educated and have a career their spouses should support them in those pursuits. There is a big difference between feeling the stress of picking up extra responsibilities at home and flat out not supporting your spouse in their dreams of going to nursing school. I am addressing the latter, which is completely and inexcusably unacceptable.

If someone thinks two years of their spouse in nursing school is going to be tough, tell them to imagine how tough the alternative which is making minimum wage and barely scraping by your entire life, will be! There are much more difficult things people go through than surviving nursing school. If a relationship can't survive nursing school, it probably wasn't meant to be and it probably wasn't going to stand the test of time.

KnitAndPurl · Apr 1, 2012

If someone thinks two years of their spouse in nursing school is going to be tough, tell them to imagine how tough the alternative which is making minimum wage and barely scraping by your entire life, will be!

That is an excellent point!

I find your story and strength very inspiring. Thanks for sharing. :)

dragonfly414 · Apr 1, 2012

thank you, anytime. I figure if spilling my guts helps one person in some way then it was worth it.

nurs2014 · Apr 1, 2012

I had an old fashioned relationship where I stayed home, raised the children, and cared for our home. While I loved the opportunity to watch my children grow into young adults, I hated the emptiness I felt not having something my own outside of our home. I made the decision to return to school at 40+ years of age to become a nurse. My husband was so excited for me to broaden my horizons and follow my dream; he has never wavered in his support or excitement. I hope my sharing this will restore a little faith in the opposite sex for you, not all husbands (men) are unsupportive, thank goodness.

shanetta82 · Apr 1, 2012

That meant a lot. My husband is very supportive about my dreams to be a nurse. I have an ok job with benefits, but if I quit we would lose the benefits, but I can always sub at my old job where I have worked for 10 years. My husband was laid off in November and have been collecting unemployment and looking for work as a welder so it is hard right now. We have talked and tried to figure out how we would make it financially with three children and many bills. His concern is that I may not be able to get as many shifts that would pay for bills or that it may take him longer to get a job. My concern is that if I miss my chance on my dream and now I am more focused than ever, especially since my mom passed in December, I feel more motivated to fulfill my dream as she would want me to do so. I pray and pray for guidance on what to do. I only have to take a few prereqs in order to apply for nursing programs and take the GRE. My heart and stress levels are telling me to put in a 2 weeks and step out in faith because everything will work out with patience, but my pockets tell me otherwise. Any help on what to do would be awesome? Thanks.

PS.

Im not sure as to how to start a thread. Thanks

dragonfly414 · Apr 1, 2012

Knitandpurl,

If your heart is in Nursing, you probably will not enjoy Health Care Management as much. Sounds like you have some figuring out to do, even with out considering your husbands opinion. Surely there is more money in Health Care Management, but if it isn't what you love it isn't worth it in my opinion. Hope it all works out no matter which direction you decide to take.:)