Were you/family ashamed or shamed for NAI descent?

[Thunderwolf, MSN, RN]

I will start off the thread:

My maternal grandparents were born and raised in West Virginia and Kentucky. My grandfather was 1/2 Blackfeet. Due to the culture of his time, he was ashamed and denied his heritage....all through his life. Much was due to how NAIs were viewed and treated when he was a young man. In that day and age and locale, being called "Indian or half-breed" was very near to being called the N word associated with Afro Americans back then. He was ashamed and refused to acknowledge it and would often become very angry when addressed as such. He was a drinking man when he was younger, much I feel to fill in that void that he himself cut out. To his death as an old man, he denied his heritage. As a result, during the course of his life, the family knew better and never pushed him on it as a subject. Out of respect for him, the family allowed the NAI knowledge and the red way of life to die with him. Personally, I lost so much from their life long decision. His son, my uncle, was pretty much a chip off the old block for nearly most of his life as well.

My grandmother was a little bit more of the exception. She was 1/2 Cherokee, but often hid much of this way of life due to my Grandfather and also due to the times and where she lived. During the course of her life, she would share just a little about it here and there. When her children, like my mother, would ask about it, she would discuss it some....but, she would not go into much detail. However, later in my life, my mother would relay to me tales of when she and her mother would go into the woods "to gather medicine" for the family.

My mother was my initial exposure to my NAI roots. I will write about my mother later in another thread.

My second exposure was my other uncle, by marriage, who was part Apache. He would have a drinking problem off and on during the course of his life. However, I remember quite clearly, as a young boy, a situation when my uncle was a young man. He was drunk and crying openly in sobs about "how the Indian was treated". This impacted me greatly for I so looked up to him then as a boy. I will never forget that moment with my uncle and the rending of his heart in front of me.

My mother has been one of the few family members that has stepped forward, claimed, and embraced her heritage. She has done so openly for some time. I respect her greatly for this. She took the first step to allow me to do the same later on in my life.

During the course of my life, I have come to know that my and my family's experience is not unique or rare when it comes to the denial and reclaiming of NAI heritage. I am not a carded NAI member...nor have a strong desire to prove my blood quantum. My proof of family blood lies in the struggle they had during the course of their lives....so much time and misery was spent and spilled in denying it. For myself, my heart is NAI. My 1/4 blood is incidental to this fact. At times, I wish I could be better as a NAI man, living the way more fully in my heart, mind, body, and soul. But, this is not such an easy thing to do. It is much easier calling myself Indian than living it on a daily basis. Peers are few....just like in my family. But, I do very much enjoy relating to other NAIs when I have the chance. In the truest sense, in my heart, they are my brothers and sisters when our paths cross. To the common man, my appearance is white...but, in my heart, it is Indian.

Well, that is enough for now about myself.

Would other members like to share?

[Liddle Noodnik]

I will start off the thread:

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{To the beautiful people}}}}}}}}}}

And I don't mean as in Hollywood!

xo

[smilin_gp]

My family seems to be of mixed pride/shame about it. My mother's maternal grandmother was Algonquin, which I did not know until 2 of my uncles went to Quebec and met some of our extended family members. They made a lineage chart with the help of family and records. They included a little bit of history with the names, such as position in the tribe and anything else that they could find out about. It was amazing, they are able to trace family lines back to the 1600's! My mother was not particularly excited about this project, she only relates her Italian heritage. However, many others in the family, including me, are very glad that they helped trace this part of our history.

[suebird3]

I, too, have NAI in me, but it was denied perhaps for the same reasons Brother Thunderwolf states. Remember that at one time, we also did not speak of cancer or suicide.

My maternal Grandfather's mother is where "the blood" comes from, and all points to possible Osage. Great Grandma's mother came from Missouri, and many papers were found to be "missing" after her death. Then again, "omitting" things seemed to be "the norm" at the time. I truly wish that so much of the heartache could have been spared.

[sirI, MSN, APRN, NP]

My father was not of NAI decent. He allowed me to be my own person. The maternal side, however, did not.

When time came, I literally ran from my upbringing. I fell away, regretfully.

Ashamed? I suppose that word is one to identify the hurt in my grandmothers' eyes. I brought forth eee (sadness), not enk (anger). But, she welcomed me back once again never giving up on me.

Yes, guilty I am of shaming my tribe and my clan for turning my back at one time. Fortunate and blessed they welcomed me home again.

I am in my heart and soul, Cherokee. Proud heritage. And, I know the feeling Thunderwolf is protraying in his words, "It is much easier calling myself Indian than living it on a daily basis. Peers are few....just like in my family. But, I do very much enjoy relating to other NAIs when I have the chance. In the truest sense, in my heart, they are my brothers and sisters when our paths cross. To the common man, my appearance is white...but, in my heart, it is Indian."

Wadv (thank you)

[Tweety, BSN, RN]

It's not a big deal in my immediate family. But my father's grandmother was pure Cherokee and he tells stories of how that part of the family was shunned by the rest, that my great-grandfather was the blacksheep of the family.

I don't identify much with Cherokee, but I'm not ashamed. I have a slightly tan tint to my skin, not lilly pure white, and often people say "have you been out in the sun" and my answer is always proudly "No, I'm part Cherokee, and that's my natural skin tone".

Maybe when I'm not so busy with school, I can look more into that aspect of my heritage.

[nativehealer]

Ever since adulthood I have proclaimed that I have Native blood in me. My father had told me that we are part Native but don't tell people that we are. For Natives back in the 1970's had a bad reputation "per my father". There are many holes in my family tree that is unaccountable, going back to my 5great grandfather, the first of our family in the colonial states.

[Grace Oz]

I liken the denial to how some here in Australia deny their Aboriginal heritage. On the other hand,the thing which 'amuses' me; once they know it's financially gainful to acknowledge and claim Aboriginal blood, no matter how far removed, they soon stand proud!! Is it like that in America? Is there a financial gain to be made by having indiginous blood? Please take no offense to this question, I'm just curious?

[nativehealer]

I liken the denial to how some here in Australia deny their Aboriginal heritage. On the other hand,the thing which 'amuses' me; once they know it's financially gainful to acknowledge and claim Aboriginal blood, no matter how far removed, they soon stand proud!! Is it like that in America? Is there a financial gain to be made by having indiginous blood? Please take no offense to this question, I'm just curious?

Grace, it is the same 'if' you can prove the lineage. If you can't prove it, then no, it is not the same. Here in the states the U.S. government likes to have documentation of ancestry for you to receive any gains.

Native

[elizabells, BSN, RN]

I was always told "Oh, and your great-great whotever married a Blackfoot woman." Not "You are Blackfoot" or even "You are part Blackfoot". Even my mother, hippie that she is, never realized what saying this means.

[mom and nurse]

My grandmother used to tell us (I'm quoting her) "Both my parents were members of the Cherokee Nation of Oklahoma and I'm a black woman". After researching years later, and discovering her parents did indeed have Dawes roll numbers on the Cherokee Freedmen section of the rolls. I discovered this was true (Especially since I had known her mom, grandmom, etc and listened to their stories as a child). I discovered on the early U.S. census they identified themselves as mulattoes since they were mixed, had roll numbers and had lived in and identified with the Cherokee Nation for several generations. Later they just listed whatever the politically correct term for African American was. I think this is because African American and anything else usually is (was?) considered African American in this country......, also their was a lot of racism around that time in Oklahoma, I believe, against Native Americans and it was hard enough being African American in the early 1920s and 1930s without also being known as part Native American. Also those on the freedmen section of the rolls were there due to slavery in the Cherokee Nation.....

Also I know in Oklahoma most of my great grandmother's elderly neighbors, though they had roll numbers on the freedmen section of the Cherokee rolls and were members of the Cherokee nation (also some were members of other Native American Nations) had an interesting mixture of Cherokee and African American culture in the neighborhood where they lived. In private they considered themselves both. In public they identified with African Americans. In fact, unlike today where it is kind of "cool" to identify oneself as having Native American blood, I remember my grandmother's elderly aunt, who looked Native American, had a roll number, etc., as looking quite nervous when I asked her if she was Cherokee..., I thought I had offended her, she literally turned away from me and looked into space....(In fact I remember her telling me during one of my genealogy fact finding missions as a teenager "You ask too many questions! Why are you asking so many questions!" I wish now I'd asked more, with a tape recorder to record her, especially since she ended up being my last living relative on the Dawes Roll and was born in 1898)....Her sister, my great grandmother, though not speaking as much in public about it, wanted to make sure I knew and told me as a child "Now you know, we ARE on "the roll...." (this was meaningless to me as a child but apparently appeared important to her to pass on to me)

[marilynmom, LPN, NP]

I am part Cherokee and my family has always been very proud of that. My mom has done a lot of research on my family so I need to find out more of the history.

We live in Oklahoma so American Indian stuff is all over, Red Earth and pow wows are really popular, people tend to be quite proud of their NAI ancestory here.

For some reason though my NAI ancestory didn't sign the Dawes rolls. I can't remember why, I think they were just scared or something.