My maternal grandparents were born and raised in West Virginia and Kentucky. My grandfather was 1/2 Blackfeet. Due to the culture of his time, he was ashamed and denied his heritage....all through his life. Much was due to how NAIs were viewed and treated when he was a young man. In that day and age and locale, being called "Indian or half-breed" was very near to being called the N word associated with Afro Americans back then. He was ashamed and refused to acknowledge it and would often become very angry when addressed as such. He was a drinking man when he was younger, much I feel to fill in that void that he himself cut out. To his death as an old man, he denied his heritage. As a result, during the course of his life, the family knew better and never pushed him on it as a subject. Out of respect for him, the family allowed the NAI knowledge and the red way of life to die with him. Personally, I lost so much from their life long decision. His son, my uncle, was pretty much a chip off the old block for nearly most of his life as well.
My grandmother was a little bit more of the exception. She was 1/2 Cherokee, but often hid much of this way of life due to my Grandfather and also due to the times and where she lived. During the course of her life, she would share just a little about it here and there. When her children, like my mother, would ask about it, she would discuss it some....but, she would not go into much detail. However, later in my life, my mother would relay to me tales of when she and her mother would go into the woods "to gather medicine" for the family.
My mother was my initial exposure to my NAI roots. I will write about my mother later in another thread.
My second exposure was my other uncle, by marriage, who was part Apache. He would have a drinking problem off and on during the course of his life. However, I remember quite clearly, as a young boy, a situation when my uncle was a young man. He was drunk and crying openly in sobs about "how the Indian was treated". This impacted me greatly for I so looked up to him then as a boy. I will never forget that moment with my uncle and the rending of his heart in front of me.
My mother has been one of the few family members that has stepped forward, claimed, and embraced her heritage. She has done so openly for some time. I respect her greatly for this. She took the first step to allow me to do the same later on in my life.
During the course of my life, I have come to know that my and my family's experience is not unique or rare when it comes to the denial and reclaiming of NAI heritage. I am not a carded NAI member...nor have a strong desire to prove my blood quantum. My proof of family blood lies in the struggle they had during the course of their lives....so much time and misery was spent and spilled in denying it. For myself, my heart is NAI. My 1/4 blood is incidental to this fact. At times, I wish I could be better as a NAI man, living the way more fully in my heart, mind, body, and soul. But, this is not such an easy thing to do. It is much easier calling myself Indian than living it on a daily basis. Peers are few....just like in my family. But, I do very much enjoy relating to other NAIs when I have the chance. In the truest sense, in my heart, they are my brothers and sisters when our paths cross. To the common man, my appearance is white...but, in my heart, it is Indian.
