First off, a disclaimer: I am not attempting to condone any activity as described herein. However....
I had a 90 year old patient when asking the "usual" triage questions "Do you use illegal (street) drugs" answer wholeheartedly...."why yes I do young lady. I will not give up my bong". When attempting to hide my slight grin, patient states "do you find that shocking young lady?" To which I replied, "the only thing I am shocked at is that you called me a young lady, twice. THAT made my day, thank you!"
Another one that comes to mind is the couple came in as apparently, certain medical insurances only pay for one Viagra a week. That was just not cutting it....and do we give them out in the ED? (
People are just really, really humorous!! Got any to share?
Specializes in OR, Nursing Professional Development.
Preop interview/consent verification of an open heart male patient. When asked to describe the procedure he was having, he stated he was in for a boob job. Patient a little nervous and also freaked out that each nurse kept asking the same questions ("Don't you guys already know that? I told that other nurse!") even though we all explained that it was part of our safety checks for everyone to verify what was supposed to happen.
I've also had a patient give a name not on the ID bracelet- legal name on social security card/birth certificate was one thing, but he had not legally changed his name to middle name-mom's maiden name but that was what was on most of the medical record. As it was a risk issue with names not matching up, that one was referred to risk management and elective surgery cancelled until all names and paperwork matched up. How he got as far as minutes from entering the OR with that mismatch I don't know and probably never will as it's been 10 years.
OK, this one happened to my 78 year old mother-in-law earlier this year when she took a spill one morning.
We were sitting in the ER after they ran some tests. It was obvious to the staff that my mom-in-law was nervous. The charge nurse came in the room and looked her right in the eyes and said "we have good news and bad news." He then proceeded to tell her the bad news, which was she did not get to stay in that comfy bed any longer and hang out with them the rest of the day, as she was being released.
He then leaned closer to her and said "the good news is your pregnant!" We all just busted out laughing. Shortly after he left to go complete the paperwork and about 30 minutes later he returned to let us know she can leave; however, without missing a beat my mom-in-law looked at him and said "Oh, damn... I bet you are gonna tell me that we're having twins now. Come give Mama some sugar, Sweet Cheeks!" At that point I was literally on the floor rolling around laughing. There were two nurses that just happened to be outside the room that over heard all of that. I heard them call him Sweet Cheeks at least 4 times before we could get out of there.
Back when I was working on the floor, something hilarious happened...
An older man was admitted, and his adult son was with him. We were getting the man settled in his room, when the adult son took me aside. He said, "I know he's been a little difficult. I want to apologize". The poor son seemed so uncomfortable and upset! I was confused, because the man had only just come to the floor, and wasn't being difficult at all. I figured maybe he was a problem down in the ER?
Then, the son pulls out a yellow post-it note that he found on the floor. When we were getting an admission, the charge nurse would write the patient's room number, last name, and diagnosis on a post-it, and give it to the nurse getting the admission. Apparently, my post-it had fallen off my clipboard. Let's pretend the man's last name was Smith. This is what the post-it said: 15A Mr. Smith: SOB.
Oh. My. Goodness. This poor guy actually thought that someone had written on a post-it that his dad was a "son of a ..."!!!!!! I explained to him that his dad's diagnosis was Shortness of Breath. That's what SOB stood for!!! We both laughed. Thankfully, he was a good sport.
That's one of my favorite stories from the floor! :)
I had a very interesting patient once while I was training another male nurse. He was a younger guy in for a lap chole. The night before his surgery he was unable to void so we ended up having to put a foley in him. While my preceptee and I were preparing the kit he says, "can I ask you guys a personal question?" We kind of shrug and curiously tell him to go ahead, to which he asks with all seriousness, "why is my member so small?" Needless to say, we tried our best to muster some answer and change the subject before breaking our poker faces.
This same patient, after the surgery, was given some chloraseptic spray for his sore throat. The nurse left the spray at the bedside for him to use and when she came back in the room she almost panicked when the first thing she sees is a bunch of red stuff all around the patient's neck and pillow. Turns out he had misunderstood how to use it and had been spraying the chloraseptic on the outside of his throat, and there was a neat little outline of his neck and head when he sat up from the pillow, and his throat was completely red from the spray.
Good times on the surgical floor. haha. I could fill up this thread with stories just from the 3 years I've been up there.
Specializes in EDUCATION;HOMECARE;MATERNAL-CHILD; PSYCH.
When I worked as a geriatric psychiatric nurse, one of my patients had a hard time falling asleep. We tried every thing from playing music to giving him ambien.
Finally, I asked him if he would like some warm milk. He answered, "What am I? A cat?". Then he started purring and meowing.
The most unexpected response from a family member was the time I called a man to inform him that his mother had just passed away. His response? "You're kidding!" I wanted to say " no actually the hospital frowns on pranks like that....
Last year I was working in LTC and was at my med cart having a conversation with Mrs Smith(widowed) asking her to not crawl into Mr Jones' bed and sit on his lap as he was still married and his wife wouldn't be to happy about it( we had redirected her out of his bed for the 5th time in an hour) and she looked and me and said "I don't know what you are so worried about, Mr Jones hasn't had a hard on in at least 20 years"
You could have picked my jaw up off the floor....then she went on to talk about how long it had been since she had had sex......I will never forget that one.
Last year I was working in LTC and was at my med cart having a conversation with Mrs Smith(widowed) asking her to not crawl into Mr Jones' bed and sit on his lap as he was still married and his wife wouldn't be to happy about it( we had redirected her out of his bed for the 5th time in an hour) and she looked and me and said "I don't know what you are so worried about, Mr Jones hasn't had a hard on in at least 20 years"
You could have picked my jaw up off the floor....then she went on to talk about how long it had been since she had had sex......I will never forget that one.
Gosh that's funny! I know it shouldn't be funny...dignity issues and all that...but there is just something kind of adorable about a LTC crush.
Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.
When I worked LTC, we had an unmarried couple who were allowed to go into her private room and do whatever came naturally. This caused some discomfort among the younger staff, although I reminded them that just because people get old doesn't mean they stop having (and enjoying) sex.
Unfortunately, both "Cathy" and "Kevin" had had strokes and were prone to falls, and one night I heard a crash from the general direction of their room. I found them flat on the floor, naked, with Cathy's face in a place which was never meant for a face. I surveyed the scene quickly; they were both conscious, there was no blood, neither was complaining of pain, and they were not in the least bit embarrassed by their predicament. I couldn't help myself: "What on earth were you two trying to do?" I asked.
Cathy never missed a beat. "We're running off to Vegas. Wanna be our matron of honor?"
85 year old lady on a geriatric assessment unit. MD had ordered Premarin lady partsl cream at HS. I went in early in the evening, explained to the lady what it was and why it had been ordered. Doing my HS med rounds, I went in to her room and I reminded her of our earlier conversation and asked permission to proceed. She told me to go ahead, and when I got the applicator full of cream in place she said (rather loudly) "Oh! I haven't had anything in there in a long time!!" Good thing she had a sense of humour because there was no way I was able to keep a straight face.
I had a patient who sustained an injury in his groin. Whenever anyone came into the room he would say (rather inebriated at the time); "don't mind me, I just started my period."
Rose_Queen, BSN, MSN, RN
6 Articles; 12,051 Posts
Preop interview/consent verification of an open heart male patient. When asked to describe the procedure he was having, he stated he was in for a boob job. Patient a little nervous and also freaked out that each nurse kept asking the same questions ("Don't you guys already know that? I told that other nurse!") even though we all explained that it was part of our safety checks for everyone to verify what was supposed to happen.
I've also had a patient give a name not on the ID bracelet- legal name on social security card/birth certificate was one thing, but he had not legally changed his name to middle name-mom's maiden name but that was what was on most of the medical record. As it was a risk issue with names not matching up, that one was referred to risk management and elective surgery cancelled until all names and paperwork matched up. How he got as far as minutes from entering the OR with that mismatch I don't know and probably never will as it's been 10 years.