Well, I didn't expect THAT answer...

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First off, a disclaimer: I am not attempting to condone any activity as described herein. However....

I had a 90 year old patient when asking the "usual" triage questions "Do you use illegal (street) drugs" answer wholeheartedly...."why yes I do young lady. I will not give up my bong". When attempting to hide my slight grin, patient states "do you find that shocking young lady?" To which I replied, "the only thing I am shocked at is that you called me a young lady, twice. THAT made my day, thank you!"

Another one that comes to mind is the couple came in as apparently, certain medical insurances only pay for one Viagra a week. That was just not cutting it....and do we give them out in the ED? (

People are just really, really humorous!! Got any to share?

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Specializes in OB.

Adorable little 5 yr. old girl walking into the room of my postpartum patient: I asked "Oh, is this the big sister?" To which the cherub replied "Big sister, my butt!".

Absolutely NOT feeling conflicted about the new sibling - she knew exactly how she felt.

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Specializes in OB.

Jade - I tried to "like" this but when I did it came up with a box with the "report" symbol in it instead. Hope some computer glitch hasn't caused me to report you! (Putting this here so any admin type will know I didn't mean to)

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Specializes in Critical Care, ED, Cath lab, CTPAC,Trauma.
Jade - I tried to "like" this but when I did it came up with a box with the "report" symbol in it instead. Hope some computer glitch hasn't caused me to report you! (Putting this here so any admin type will know I didn't mean to)

No it didn't report....LOL

We have a winner

I had a 90 year old patient when asking the "usual" triage questions "Do you use illegal (street) drugs" answer wholeheartedly...."why yes I do young lady. I will not give up my bong". When attempting to hide my slight grin, patient states "do you find that shocking young lady?" To which I replied, "the only thing I am shocked at is that you called me a young lady, twice. THAT made my day, thank you!"
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A guy came up to the nurse's station on the med-surg unit. The charge nurse asked, "Can we help you?" "Yeah," He replied, "my back is really hurting and I think I need to be admitted. I need some of that Demerol." We all just stared at him for a couple seconds till he said, "Nah, my mom needs help in room x."

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A guy came up to the nurse's station on the med-surg unit. The charge nurse asked, "Can we help you?" "Yeah," He replied, "my back is really hurting and I think I need to be admitted. I need some of that Demerol." We all just stared at him for a couple seconds till he said, "Nah, my mom needs help in room x."

:roflmao:

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Specializes in none.

I had a bariatric pt. who used the bedside commode for the first time in days after surgery. He tries to get up with his walker afterwards and proceeded to yell, "I am stuck in the potty chair! It is suctioning my butt." We proceeded to grab four people to get him out of it.

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Specializes in Med nurse in med-surg., float, HH, and PDN.

I've told this one before, but.....

When i was making home-health visits I had a 76 y.o. male patient who was a bit of an exhibitionist. He received complaints from the neighbors via police about his habit of sunbathing in the nude in his back yard. Not wanting to 'excite' his ego, but curious, I asked how he avoided getting sunburned genitals. He told me he cut off the foot of one his wife's pair of nylon stockings and covered his johnson with it. Which was funny enough, but....

later that day as I was relating this story (no names or locations mentioned) to a woman at the bedside of her mother who was,we thought to be unresponsive, I remarked that any guy who could fit his equipment into the foot of his wife's stocking didn't have much to brag about. The mother (pt.) burst out laughing! Her daughter ans I looked at each other and then at the patient, our eyes and mouths open wide. The woman said "MAMA?!!!!!??" and her mother laughed and laughed, with tears running down her cheeks.

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Specializes in Acute Care, Rehab, Palliative.

I was admitting an elderly patient once and asked the question about street drugs and was submitted to a rant about the rising cost of pot.

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I think the one guy that caught me off guard was when I worked ER still. Perfectly healthy 30 something guy who's official complaint on the board was needs help. So, in my interview with him, he states that he just had unprotected interpersonal relations with a prostitute a few blocks away and now thinks he has AIDS. He wanted the whole shebang, including chemo

I didn't know if I should laugh or cry with that one.

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Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.

This is a great thread! Keep the stories coming, please! :roflmao:

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Specializes in Emergency Department; Neonatal ICU.

I asked an 85-year-old lady why she had come in that day and she looked at me and said in a deadpan voice, "well honey, I'm afraid I might be pregnant!"

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