I bawled my eyes out, actually. For about a half hour.
I admitted a lady with a SBO last Wednesday. The remember that the patient's daughter gave me a hard time initially when I asked her to step out of the room while we got the pt settled. She announced, "NO, I'm a NURSE." I gently asked her again, using "please" and "ma'am," explaining that it is a policy, etc etc, and she finally agreed to wait outside of the room (refused to go to the waiting room. Whatever.)
Fast forward to today... I get this patient assigned to me. I didn't think I'd have any problems.
Before I go into the room, I notice that this woman (the daughter) is hitting the stat NIBP button on the monitor herself and readjusting the bp cuff. I chose not to say anything about it.
I go into the room, I politely say hello, introduce myself and proceed to ask my patient how she is and if she has any pain. Before the pt can get a word out, the daughter goes, "Yes." I then said, "let her answer" to the daughter. (That happenes to be a pet peeve... let the patient speak for themselves if they can!) The pt proceeded to tell me that she had 8/10 pain.
Ok. So I continue with my assessment (at this point I'm thinking to myself that I should have asked her to step out for the assessment but I'm too far in now)... and get to the "toe" part of the head to toe (lol. I must be slap happy at this point from emotional exhaustion).
I then noticed that the pt's heels were reddened. Stage I. I grabbed a pillow (heck, it's practically instinct at this point for me) and said, "I'm going to lift your heels off the bed, your heels are red." The daughter then yells at me (literally) "OH NO you DONT. Those pillows are HARD as a ROCK and I've been MASSAGING her feet." I said I was sorry, that we usually elevate heels when there is a chance of skin breakdown. She then got angry that I used the word USUALLY. I explained to her that my first priority is patient safety and preventing injury, and she angrily told me, "well MY first priority is my MOTHER'S COMFORT." I said, "Well, we will have to work together on that then." She goes, "yes we WILL." (insert a MEAN tone in everything she says)
I walked out of the room. Took a deep breath.
20 minutes go by. The daughter comes out of the room and asks me for help repositioning her mother. I told her I would be in shortly. I asked a PCT for help. We both went in, and she was standing at the bedside. Now, at my work, we are told that we should not allow family members to help with physical things like repositioning because it could be a liability problem if they were to get hurt. I always thank family members for offering to help, but explain that it is our job and we will gladly do it. So, I told her this as nicely as I could, and she turned to me and started laying into me. She started screaming in my face. She told me that I was getting on her nerves and she'd had enough of my crap!! She told me I was rude for asking her to let her mom answer about the pain. She told me I was doing things to her mother without her consent (elevating heels). She was shouting, "You're off the case! You're DONE! Thats it! YOURE DONE! GO!" (waving her hand as though she was shooing a fly, mind you.) She goes, GO get your supervisor RIGHT NOW. She was shouting at me as though I were some p.o.s. low life that she could order around. It was so humiliating and hurtful. I finally just walked out of the room, and got as far away as I could before the tears started streaming out.
I was able to give report to another RN and take a different patient, which was good, but I was emotionally exhausted the entire day.
Well... that's the story. Thank you for reading it.
Sue I am so sorry you had this experience! Unfortunately we are all human and sometimes people just don't rub us the right way all the time. I am sorry this woman seemed to be unintentionally affected this way by you. For all we know you could have somehow reminded her of someone she is not fond of. This has happened to all of us, and it never gets any easier. Actually, it really rots, and sucks the life out of your day. I can only hope the administration in your facility is not the blaming type, as can be the case in mine. Don't let one person ruin your day, or your desire to care for people. The others who benefit from your care will be very thankful.
If the mother is the patient with a sound mind ....the decision is not the daughters to make! She could conduct herself civilly or I would call security & have her removed! I understand family members get upset, are stressed.....and I can deal with that up to a point.....but this was wayyyy over the line. Just my ...Sorry you were made to cry & had a crappy day.
Probably no matter what you did, or who you were, it would not have mattered...The daughter felt no control over her/her mom's situation, and so was 'losing control'. I usually end up feeling very sorry for people who react this way, and sometimes can understand it-- its horrible when someone they care about is hurt/vulnerable/sick/dying, ect...people react differently to stress (I had one mans son call me every 10 minutes one morning, asking me why lab isnt there yet, why wasnt this certain drug up from pharmacy yet, ect-- he later made a complaint to my mgr, but did compliment me saying I was very attentive-- I was afriad of him!!) but that by no means minimizes the hurt you felt at the time, and the awfulness of that behavior which was awful, and I am sorry, I would have felt the same way, truly!! Hugs!!
hmm, i think that's borderline verbal abuse, and i would have reported her. no time for ghetto people.
i was taking care of a total knee patient, and when i walked in and asked if she was in any pain, the daughter looked at me like i was an idiot and said "YES, she needs the pain show, NOW" ***, was i looking at you?? last time i checked your mother was a well spoken woman who was able to communicate her needs... (well, that's what i thought anyway!)
Thank you so much for all your supportive posts. I really appreciate it. It's 5:15 now and I've somehow mustered up the strength to go back there today. I will not have that patient back, so at least that's a little better. However I will probably have to see her, but I will just try to walk the other way when she's around. I'll come back online tonight after work.... *hugs*
what a horrible person she is to carry on like that in front of her ill mother. If someone did this to me I'd be calling security to have her removed. You do not have to tolerate this behaviour from anyone.
Don't even give her the satisfaction of one more minute of your time worrying about this situation. She isn't worth it. She will abuse more staff as the days go on because that's what people like her do. I'm also not 100% sold on the fact that she's a nurse. When people really are nurses it usually isn't the first thing out of their mouths. When they are faking they put it out there almost as a shield and a defense before you even say hello.
Thank you so much for all your supportive posts. I really appreciate it. It's 5:15 now and I've somehow mustered up the strength to go back there today. I will not have that patient back, so at least that's a little better. However I will probably have to see her, but I will just try to walk the other way when she's around. I'll come back online tonight after work.... *hugs*
A few thoughts:
1. I've been "fired" only a couple of times in my career, and you know what? It used to bother me, now it feels like I have "immunity" and I've learned to welcome the break.
2. How much do you wanna bet that you're not the only nurse who's gonna be "fired" off this case?
3. The woman is probably not a nurse. Or if she is, she's not practicing. I can usually spot the nurses who haven't done hospital work since clinicals because they have no idea about the new protocols.
4. After you're done being hurt over all the horrible things she said ..... consider the source. And thank your lucky stars you don't have to live with that every day.
5. Finally, be assured that you did nothing wrong. You were as diplomatic and as accommodating as you could possibly have been. However, there's one more thing I do when I start colliding with family members -- I regard it as a cry for help and I always meet their eyes sympathetically (this is hard when you're getting ticked off because someone's treating you like dirt) and say (as kindly and as gently as possible), "I can see that this whole situation has been terribly hard on you all. Have you been getting any rest? Have you eaten? Would you like a cup of ___?"
Amazingly, that has turned the whole problem around for me a few times, and I've actually had overstressed family members literally break down and weep as they tell me no, they haven't slept in days/weeks, and no, they've felt too guilty to eat, etc, etc.
Doesn't work for everyone, but it sometimes helps the family members realize that they're completely stressed out and need a little help themselves.
I think you should have thanked your lucky stars that you were fired.
I do understand that, as a nurse, we get punished when our loved ones are involved in the health care system. We know what is supposed to be happening and we are pressured by the love we feel and the fear that they will be harmed or are sufferieng. We know how hard it is to get more than basic care, sometimes not even basic care is given, and we are unhappy that our loved ones might not get the extra blanket to keep warm, the ice chips they crave, the extra pillow, etc. It is VERY hard to be a relative but not in a position of power.
And it is likely that, no matter what you would have said, the dtr would have still behaved very badly. But readjusting the monitor, screaming at you - these are not acceptable. You should have had the doctor tell her the parameters of acceptable behavior. You know people don't scream at doctors and that they tend to be much more respectful of and obedient toward them than they are toward us. If she still continued to misbehave, I'd have gotten myself off the case.
You don't want the patient to suffer but why should you have to endure a relative like that? You shouldn't. you are the nurse and what you say goes.
It did hit me-do you know for sure she is a nurse? I get sooooo many
family members/friends who come in with a pt. and hit me with the "I am a nurse." I guess it is supposed to intimidate me. I usually then use "nurse-speak" and it weeds out the pretenders really fast!
Interesting that you feel you are being intimidated by other nurses revealing their status. Do you feel intimidated if they are actually nurses? Once you have weeded out the pretenders, do you feel safer? Just wondering. Why do we feel this way? What are we trying to hide?
Maybe you are but maybe they're just letting you know that you can speak Medicalese or Nurse Speak to them or that they can and want to help with certain tasks. Maybe I am very unastute politically and think the best of people, instead of knowing that everyone is being intimidating or negative in some way.
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And thank your lucky stars you don't have to live with that every day.
CHATSDALE
4,177 Posts
there are patients like this
give thanks that they aren't the norm and go on with your work