I bawled my eyes out, actually. For about a half hour.
I admitted a lady with a SBO last Wednesday. The remember that the patient's daughter gave me a hard time initially when I asked her to step out of the room while we got the pt settled. She announced, "NO, I'm a NURSE." I gently asked her again, using "please" and "ma'am," explaining that it is a policy, etc etc, and she finally agreed to wait outside of the room (refused to go to the waiting room. Whatever.)
Fast forward to today... I get this patient assigned to me. I didn't think I'd have any problems.
Before I go into the room, I notice that this woman (the daughter) is hitting the stat NIBP button on the monitor herself and readjusting the bp cuff. I chose not to say anything about it.
I go into the room, I politely say hello, introduce myself and proceed to ask my patient how she is and if she has any pain. Before the pt can get a word out, the daughter goes, "Yes." I then said, "let her answer" to the daughter. (That happenes to be a pet peeve... let the patient speak for themselves if they can!) The pt proceeded to tell me that she had 8/10 pain.
Ok. So I continue with my assessment (at this point I'm thinking to myself that I should have asked her to step out for the assessment but I'm too far in now)... and get to the "toe" part of the head to toe (lol. I must be slap happy at this point from emotional exhaustion).
I then noticed that the pt's heels were reddened. Stage I. I grabbed a pillow (heck, it's practically instinct at this point for me) and said, "I'm going to lift your heels off the bed, your heels are red." The daughter then yells at me (literally) "OH NO you DONT. Those pillows are HARD as a ROCK and I've been MASSAGING her feet." I said I was sorry, that we usually elevate heels when there is a chance of skin breakdown. She then got angry that I used the word USUALLY. I explained to her that my first priority is patient safety and preventing injury, and she angrily told me, "well MY first priority is my MOTHER'S COMFORT." I said, "Well, we will have to work together on that then." She goes, "yes we WILL." (insert a MEAN tone in everything she says)
I walked out of the room. Took a deep breath.
20 minutes go by. The daughter comes out of the room and asks me for help repositioning her mother. I told her I would be in shortly. I asked a PCT for help. We both went in, and she was standing at the bedside. Now, at my work, we are told that we should not allow family members to help with physical things like repositioning because it could be a liability problem if they were to get hurt. I always thank family members for offering to help, but explain that it is our job and we will gladly do it. So, I told her this as nicely as I could, and she turned to me and started laying into me. She started screaming in my face. She told me that I was getting on her nerves and she'd had enough of my crap!! She told me I was rude for asking her to let her mom answer about the pain. She told me I was doing things to her mother without her consent (elevating heels). She was shouting, "You're off the case! You're DONE! Thats it! YOURE DONE! GO!" (waving her hand as though she was shooing a fly, mind you.) She goes, GO get your supervisor RIGHT NOW. She was shouting at me as though I were some p.o.s. low life that she could order around. It was so humiliating and hurtful. I finally just walked out of the room, and got as far away as I could before the tears started streaming out.
I was able to give report to another RN and take a different patient, which was good, but I was emotionally exhausted the entire day.
Well... that's the story. Thank you for reading it.
I'm sorry you had to go through all this, and hopefully you won't have to ever put up with her nonsense again. Somehow, I don't think she's a nurse or even a CNA, since she doesn't seem to know the importance of floating someones heels. I do think she behaves this way because she can get away with it. However, if she had a male nurse who was 6' 4", 250 lbs. and built like a linebacker, then she wouldn't be so verbally abusive.
Leslie is right, Sue. People like that are just miserable in their own lives, in their own skin. And it can't be easy to live in their own skin, and one day it will come back to bite them in the touchie!! Just try to understand it wasn't you, per say. It is an issue that she had or has. Caring for her family, you definetly deserved more respect than that!!!
Just my opinion.
Anne, RNC :banghead:
Anne, honey, just because she's miserable doesn't make her less a horror show.
I always let family help me but insist on doing it with instruction on how to do it properly ( I work in acute physical medicine and rehab) as they will need to do it at home. I also give handouts on safe lifting and positioning. Teaching is part of our role too.
I can only hope your supervisor backed you up, but I don't really think it happened.
There are many ways to talk to people. Possibly asking her to explain her reasoning and then incoporating her care with yours? No good for this incident but maybe in the future? I would have shot an email off to the floor social worker and unit manager.
:icon_hug:My deepest sympathy for your horrible experience. I know that is extremely difficult to deal with and forget about since you were doing your absolute best for your patient. Know that you are a great nurse and there are patients and patients' families who will never appreciate anything. Wishing you more good days than bad.
I bawled my eyes out, actually. For about a half hour.
I admitted a lady with a SBO last Wednesday. The remember that the patient's daughter gave me a hard time initially when I asked her to step out of the room while we got the pt settled. She announced, "NO, I'm a NURSE." I gently asked her again, using "please" and "ma'am," explaining that it is a policy, etc etc, and she finally agreed to wait outside of the room (refused to go to the waiting room. Whatever.)
Fast forward to today... I get this patient assigned to me. I didn't think I'd have any problems.
Before I go into the room, I notice that this woman (the daughter) is hitting the stat NIBP button on the monitor herself and readjusting the bp cuff. I chose not to say anything about it.
I go into the room, I politely say hello, introduce myself and proceed to ask my patient how she is and if she has any pain. Before the pt can get a word out, the daughter goes, "Yes." I then said, "let her answer" to the daughter. (That happenes to be a pet peeve... let the patient speak for themselves if they can!) The pt proceeded to tell me that she had 8/10 pain.
Ok. So I continue with my assessment (at this point I'm thinking to myself that I should have asked her to step out for the assessment but I'm too far in now)... and get to the "toe" part of the head to toe (lol. I must be slap happy at this point from emotional exhaustion).
I then noticed that the pt's heels were reddened. Stage I. I grabbed a pillow (heck, it's practically instinct at this point for me) and said, "I'm going to lift your heels off the bed, your heels are red." The daughter then yells at me (literally) "OH NO you DONT. Those pillows are HARD as a ROCK and I've been MASSAGING her feet." I said I was sorry, that we usually elevate heels when there is a chance of skin breakdown. She then got angry that I used the word USUALLY. I explained to her that my first priority is patient safety and preventing injury, and she angrily told me, "well MY first priority is my MOTHER'S COMFORT." I said, "Well, we will have to work together on that then." She goes, "yes we WILL." (insert a MEAN tone in everything she says)
I walked out of the room. Took a deep breath.
20 minutes go by. The daughter comes out of the room and asks me for help repositioning her mother. I told her I would be in shortly. I asked a PCT for help. We both went in, and she was standing at the bedside. Now, at my work, we are told that we should not allow family members to help with physical things like repositioning because it could be a liability problem if they were to get hurt. I always thank family members for offering to help, but explain that it is our job and we will gladly do it. So, I told her this as nicely as I could, and she turned to me and started laying into me. She started screaming in my face. She told me that I was getting on her nerves and she'd had enough of my crap!! She told me I was rude for asking her to let her mom answer about the pain. She told me I was doing things to her mother without her consent (elevating heels). She was shouting, "You're off the case! You're DONE! Thats it! YOURE DONE! GO!" (waving her hand as though she was shooing a fly, mind you.) She goes, GO get your supervisor RIGHT NOW. She was shouting at me as though I were some p.o.s. low life that she could order around. It was so humiliating and hurtful. I finally just walked out of the room, and got as far away as I could before the tears started streaming out.
I was able to give report to another RN and take a different patient, which was good, but I was emotionally exhausted the entire day.
Well... that's the story. Thank you for reading it.
I'm sure she treated every other nurse the same way she treated you. Your poor patient likely knows her daughter is a rude person who's embarassing her at every turn (if she can't speak, she is likely thinking this). YOU know you had done your best and just because the daughter is.... crazy... that is HER issue. Not yours. You have to shrug it off - know you did your best and let it go. Remember: it's not you - don't take it personally. Whatever her issues are, she has to figure out and apparently venting and being a nasty human being was some sort of control tactic for her, given her mother's state. TRY not to take it personally - know she's probably like this with every human encounter she has...
I bawled my eyes out, actually. For about a half hour.
I admitted a lady with a SBO last Wednesday. The remember that the patient's daughter gave me a hard time initially when I asked her to step out of the room while we got the pt settled. She announced, "NO, I'm a NURSE." I gently asked her again, using "please" and "ma'am," explaining that it is a policy, etc etc, and she finally agreed to wait outside of the room (refused to go to the waiting room. Whatever.)
Fast forward to today... I get this patient assigned to me. I didn't think I'd have any problems.
Before I go into the room, I notice that this woman (the daughter) is hitting the stat NIBP button on the monitor herself and readjusting the bp cuff. I chose not to say anything about it.
I go into the room, I politely say hello, introduce myself and proceed to ask my patient how she is and if she has any pain. Before the pt can get a word out, the daughter goes, "Yes." I then said, "let her answer" to the daughter. (That happenes to be a pet peeve... let the patient speak for themselves if they can!) The pt proceeded to tell me that she had 8/10 pain.
Ok. So I continue with my assessment (at this point I'm thinking to myself that I should have asked her to step out for the assessment but I'm too far in now)... and get to the "toe" part of the head to toe (lol. I must be slap happy at this point from emotional exhaustion).
I then noticed that the pt's heels were reddened. Stage I. I grabbed a pillow (heck, it's practically instinct at this point for me) and said, "I'm going to lift your heels off the bed, your heels are red." The daughter then yells at me (literally) "OH NO you DONT. Those pillows are HARD as a ROCK and I've been MASSAGING her feet." I said I was sorry, that we usually elevate heels when there is a chance of skin breakdown. She then got angry that I used the word USUALLY. I explained to her that my first priority is patient safety and preventing injury, and she angrily told me, "well MY first priority is my MOTHER'S COMFORT." I said, "Well, we will have to work together on that then." She goes, "yes we WILL." (insert a MEAN tone in everything she says)
I walked out of the room. Took a deep breath.
20 minutes go by. The daughter comes out of the room and asks me for help repositioning her mother. I told her I would be in shortly. I asked a PCT for help. We both went in, and she was standing at the bedside. Now, at my work, we are told that we should not allow family members to help with physical things like repositioning because it could be a liability problem if they were to get hurt. I always thank family members for offering to help, but explain that it is our job and we will gladly do it. So, I told her this as nicely as I could, and she turned to me and started laying into me. She started screaming in my face. She told me that I was getting on her nerves and she'd had enough of my crap!! She told me I was rude for asking her to let her mom answer about the pain. She told me I was doing things to her mother without her consent (elevating heels). She was shouting, "You're off the case! You're DONE! Thats it! YOURE DONE! GO!" (waving her hand as though she was shooing a fly, mind you.) She goes, GO get your supervisor RIGHT NOW. She was shouting at me as though I were some p.o.s. low life that she could order around. It was so humiliating and hurtful. I finally just walked out of the room, and got as far away as I could before the tears started streaming out.
I was able to give report to another RN and take a different patient, which was good, but I was emotionally exhausted the entire day.
Well... that's the story. Thank you for reading it.
I'm so sorry you've had to deal with this! I have had similar situations myself. It's sad that another nurse would act like this (makes me think of the thread "nurse sees best, worst of healthcare during daughter's visit") I'm sure she's just as charming with the poor souls who get to work with her on a daily basis.
imo, she should be ashamed of herself , to treat a peer that way.
nurses are professionals, and she wasn't treating you as such.
i'm pretty confident in saying that if a family member had treated her that way, she'd complain.
of course, if you say anything, you are going to be told that she was under a lot of stress because of her mother's illness.
i wish i could use "i was under a lot of stress" as an excuse for bad behavior when i am at work. 'cause those residents/interns sure would get a piece of my mind if i could.
all that said, let it go if you can. you know you gave your patient excellent care. it is true, that sometimes when a loved one in a patient, we nurse/family members try to control what we can, because there is so much that we can't control. that is not an excuse for her behavior, but explanation you can use for your own benefit.
there was a recent thread on this subject -- a nurse/member here had a family member go into the hospital, and she was posting about her reaction. while most of the responding posts were directed toward the nurse/family member, they were very enlightening to the nurse/non-family member, having to deal with the nurse/family member. i'll post a link if i can. if i remember correctly, scribbler (in particular) had some excellent advice.
(ps, this is one of the reasons why i'm so glad my family is >12 hr drive from me. my dad was hospitalized few months ago, and from all accounts (my mom's account -- she's also a -[retired] nurse) his behavior was horrible with respect to a few certain situations. my mom actually said that she thought my younger sister was going to try to climb out of a window, she was so embarrassed by his behavior. my dad is usually pretty easy-going. hospitalization does bad things to us, even when we try to prevent that from happening).
i have posted before - a coworker had this irate son of a patient (no really) who was escalating and backing her in a corner in the patient's room. he was getting louder and louder, face red and closing in. i walked over to the room - and this nurse was actually confronting him, which was not helpful to this guy that already was through the roof with anger... then she went around the corner and cried. she was so angry. security was called in the meantime to explain how his behavior was unacceptable and he could either calm down or leave. he did calm down and aplogized to this nurse, he felt like a monkey's *ss later... but i have to say, her instinct to confront and battle with him was the wrong move. she should not have even begun to spar with him, but notify him she'll call security if his behavior continues and that she will return when and if he calms down. she was more angry than he was at that point and that doesn't help or solve anything. it's nothing personal and it's mind boggling how some staff can spar with patients. not appropriate
a few thoughts:
1. i've been "fired" only a couple of times in my career, and you know what? it used to bother me, now it feels like i have "immunity" and i've learned to welcome the break.
2. how much do you wanna bet that you're not the only nurse who's gonna be "fired" off this case?
3. the woman is probably not a nurse. or if she is, she's not practicing. i can usually spot the nurses who haven't done hospital work since clinicals because they have no idea about the new protocols.
4. after you're done being hurt over all the horrible things she said ..... consider the source. and thank your lucky stars you don't have to live with that every day.
5. finally, be assured that you did nothing wrong. you were as diplomatic and as accommodating as you could possibly have been. however, there's one more thing i do when i start colliding with family members -- i regard it as a cry for help and i always meet their eyes sympathetically (this is hard when you're getting ticked off because someone's treating you like dirt) and say (as kindly and as gently as possible), "i can see that this whole situation has been terribly hard on you all. have you been getting any rest? have you eaten? would you like a cup of ___?"
i had a doozie of a patient (and wife, of course) who i was nice as pie too... but the wait was so long to get a bed upstairs and they started to vent on me about getting all of his home meds and being covered for a blood sugar of 160. when i explained the hospitalist would be in to write admission orders and cover the routine stuff, they were outraged. (despite ordering a hot meal, finding an over the bed table, a comfy chair for wife... warm blankets.... tea..) i explained how the system worked and that if the med is not an emergency, it can wait until the hospitalist arrives (they were on the list). sooooo this guy then proceeds to say "well, i'll one up you on that.." and goes on and on about how he needed his lasix because he could feel "rattles" in his chest. i explained his cxr was clear, his probnp was normal, and his lungs were clear. i did give him the benefit of the doubt - he told me he didn't take his am meds.... then his wife starting going off about getting his meds... and i said "fine, you're right. i'll go get the er doctor out from an emergency so she can come in and write your routine medications, if that is what you need. " i was furious. the nice nurse who was bending over backwards was not working - and at no point was this patient and his wife going to back down - at all. i told them "i'm not going to argue with you, i have patients to see, many of whom are critical - as you saw the guy that was intubated next door." he said "i can't believe you don't cover my blood sugar" when i explained that 160's are not routinely covered unless we have our insulin order set, or in the emergent situation they need insulin... of which he was neither. he said "so you're admitted, then you don't have any care in the meantime?" i was trying to explain to this knucklehead about an emergency department and the role of an er nurse... it was becoming futile.... then i was getting a bit mad that he was questioning my ability as an er nurse and how he felt i should be working - (his idea of a floor nurse) - then his wife throws in "oh we don't expect vip treatment" - and i said "well all emergencies come first, period. there's no other choice." she was mad about that. give me a break....
amazingly, that has turned the whole problem around for me a few times, and i've actually had overstressed family members literally break down and weep as they tell me no, they haven't slept in days/weeks, and no, they've felt too guilty to eat, etc, etc.
doesn't work for everyone, but it sometimes helps the family members realize that they're completely stressed out and need a little help themselves.
i wish it was the case, but sometimes they're just ..... as they say here.... massholes
I am so sorry the woman treated you like that. She probably was like that since I assume she is feeling a loss of control over her loved ones health. She wants to control something. YOU are an easy target. She is angry. She needs to get that anger out. YOU happened to be the recipient. That is not fair to you. I am so sorry.
:banghead:
and thank your lucky stars you don't have to live with that every day.
squeakykitty
934 Posts
I'm sorry you had to go through all this, and hopefully you won't have to ever put up with her nonsense again. Somehow, I don't think she's a nurse or even a CNA, since she doesn't seem to know the importance of floating someones heels. I do think she behaves this way because she can get away with it. However, if she had a male nurse who was 6' 4", 250 lbs. and built like a linebacker, then she wouldn't be so verbally abusive.