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Hello all!
I have been to nursing school twice already. Failed one time and starting again. I'm now in my second semester and I'm doing much better. My grades are at the top of my class. My problem is that I don't want to be a nurse. It's never been my dream to, nor do I plan on staying in nursing. It's all to make my parents happy, and I hate that they say how proud they are of me for doing it, but it makes me feel ugly inside because I'm not proud of myself. I want to become a graphic artist because it's what I've been doing all my life. I LOVE it! It's my passion! I've been working as a freelancer and I don't make a lot of money doing it, but I really don't care.
Unfortunately, my parents won't pay for me to get a degree in that because they say that it's not a practical career. I see what they're talking about because they want what's best for me, but I am miserable doing something I don't love. I've become depressed because of how I've been feeling my life is headed: the wrong direction. I live at home, my parents control everything that I do, and I have a 10 PM curfew only because they are paying for school. I'm 23 years old. I don't want to live at home anymore, and I definitely don't want to be in nursing school. My other problem is that i'm afraid that if I quit, my parents will throw me out and I will be living in a world that's new to me. They've paid for everything all my life and I don't know what it's like to fend for myself. I also hate myself for not finishing school yet and that's also another reason why I stay in school. I also stay because I feel bad that they've paid for all that schooling. Not only am I depressed, but it's made me lose confidence in myself and made me insecure.
What should I do? I feel like my life is going no where. Any advice? Anyone ever quit nursing school? What are you doing now?
Hello all! Thank you for the great replies. I've been thinking about it these past few weeks and it's a hard decision leaving home because I've grown very dependent on my parents. A lot of what I do now is based on my parents' decisions and not mine. I'm fiilipino/chinese and they are very adamant about comparing me to other filipino children who are getting their master's in nursing and why am i still in school when I should be there. They wanted me to go to pre-med at first and didn't want to because I never wanted to be a doctor so they suggested nursing and that's what I did even when I told them I wanted to be a graphic designer. That's when they told me that if I did, they'd kick me out. I have a 10PM curfew because they don't want me partying or anything of that sort. I don't party, nor do I drink or smoke, nor do I have many friends. I'm almost always at home and when I do leave the house, it's every other week to once a month because they even chose my friends for me because they didn't like mine. I also never had a real boyfriend because whenever I try to, they nag about it until I break it up. I know that my parents are doing what's best for me, but it's been a rough 5 years since I started college. A lot of tears and sucking it up. I came here because I am scared of making a mistake and wanted to ask people who have gone through the same thing or close what their advice would be. I also want to try to better myself by taking control of my life, but I'm also scared that I wouldn't know what to do. I still haven't made up my decision and I am still in nursing school.
I wish there was a way for you to slowly get your independence but from what you are saying it sounds like it is an either/or choice. Either you do it their way and have school and personal expenses paid or you do it your way with no support. I still think I would try to finish school. You are this far in and doing well so I say keep going at this point. Then once you have the ability to go out in the world on your own, do it. I know the ideal thing would be for your parents to support your dream the way they support you now in nursing school. But I don't think that is going to happen. So that leaves you with two choices .... and only you can make that choice. My best to you.
Thank you for returning to share the cultural background in which your situation is taking place.I'm fiilipino/chinese and they are very adamant about comparing me to other filipino children who are getting their master's in nursing and why am i still in school when I should be there.
Let me guess? You have been raised to obey, respect, and defer to authority figures, including your parents. In your heart you want to leave this situation, but you are frightened to do so because you have never disobeyed, disrespected, or failed to defer to your parents. Am I onto something?
Parental overcontrol is hampering your social and personal life, and deep down, you know it. You have never had a boyfriend due to their interference while other 23-year-old women have boyfriends and husbands because they are not being controlled.
Normal 23-year-olds do not have curfews. Normal 23-year-olds should be freely dating, befriending people, and choosing their own acquaintances, careers, and paths in life because a 23-year-old is an adult who should not be controlled by another adult.
Some would disagree with me, but I would enlist in the military if I were in your situation. You would have income of your own, a place to live, free healthcare, and potential educational benefits that would allow you to study graphic design for free. Most importantly, the military would allow you to break free from the control your parents have over you.
Good luck to you, whatever you decide.
Thank you for returning here to further explain your life situation. There's certainly a broad spectrum of opinions to mull over here. Remember that when problems look like a giant wall in front of you, even small actions toward your heart's desire can change your outlook. By deciding to ask a lot of people you've never met for some direction and graciously responding you've shown that you can do that are not without resources coming from within yourself, rather than your parents, who I am sure love you and believe they have your best interests at heart.
It also takes inner strength to make good grades when you aren't particularly enthused about the subject matter, no matter what the outside pressure might be.
All the best to you, dpf!
[ I know that my parents are doing what's best for me...]
No they're not. Controlling your life to the point of making you miserable, denying you friends and a normal social life and making you follow a path that you don't want is not an example of doing the best thing for you.You are an adult. You need to start lving your own life.
I went directly out of high school to pursue a degree in website design. The entire time I was at school, I didn't like it, even though I was considered good at it. Once I graduated I was able to get a job making decent money. Graphic design can be very practical if you are good. The market is very saturated though, so make sure that if this is what you decide, make sure you can learn to stand out from the crowd.
Also, remember in the creativity field you do not NEED a degree to become successful. Start doing freelance to make sure you are 100% you want to go into the design field. Be there, done that, don't miss it one bit!
I left my design job to pursue nursing. I am happy with my decision. Maybe you are the opposite of me!~ Just remember that you need to start putting your happiness first, not your parents. Find a job that you love. Don't always do what other want you to :) You'll never find happiness that way.
I truly feel sorry for your situation. Too many times in too many situations decisions are never made by that person but are greatly influenced by others. I know... Because I have been there also. I will not degrade nursing because it has afforded me many things in life as well as provided me with the opportunity to meet so many different new people, patients and family members. Nursing in not my passion. I would like to be doing something else, but reality is reality.. for me. Honestly if I ever obtain my RN license and when I get situated financially it will only serve as a back up job for me. It's wonderful that you do have parents who support you financially!! I suggest you sit and talk with your parents and tell them how you are feeling regarding nursing. I hope everything works out for you!
Over the years I have worked with and befriended many Asian nurses, Filipinas in particular, and have heard similar stories. There are definitely cultural behaviors and expectations at play in your situation and I'm sure you are not alone!
2 questions:
1. Is there anyone you can talk to who is older and has been through this? A relative who understands? Another Filipina in nursing school? Can you think of anyone you'd be comfortable talking with? Consider even starting a new thread here on this forum, titled in a way that asks other Asian nursing students for advice about family dynamics. It might be good to hear thoughts from others who are in/got out of the same situation you're in.
2. What would happen, really, if you sat your parents down and had a heart-to-heart talk? Would the world end? Would anyone die? Are you really too afraid to do so? What if you wrote them a letter? Sat down with them in your school counselor's office? Another family member?
Dude/dudette,
You aren't alone. I failed the first time around and wanting to quit. I like nursing, but I don't see myself doing it for the rest of my life unless I get into the NICU/Labor and Delivery (I would LOVE to become a NICU NP.) My DREAM, however, is to travel the world and write best-selling novels and have four children I see nursing as a stepping stone; it will support my family, traveling expenses, and other hobbies I like to pursue (nursing, horseback riding, et).
There are so many fields of nursing to get into and it is extremely flexible. I know nurses who hated nursing school and love nursing and then I know of people who excelled and loved nursing school but quit the profesion within five years of graduation. Nursing school is NOT like "real" nursing, not even close to it. Ask the seasoned nurses and new grads alike, and they will tell you the same thing.
I would finished the degree and try nursing for a bit, even it is PRN. Many nurses work PRN and still have enough left over once bills are paid and plenty of time to do what they want.
I'm sorry you are feeling this way, and I wish you good luck in your endeavors.
Take this for what it's worth, but i am 44 with six kids returning to school for nursing. I would have loved to have parents who paid for my tuition at your age. I learned the hard way and am now middle aged trying to get through nursing school to make a better life for my children, one of whom starts college in two years. Get through nursing school. Have it to fall back on and work graphic design into your life after having a stable career. Thank your parents for the guidance they are giving you and be thankful for this opportunity. Don't wait and wake up and say 'i wish i would have finished.'
TheCommuter, BSN, RN
102 Articles; 27,612 Posts
Perhaps the 'failure to launch into adulthood syndrome' is playing out. . . ?
In my opinion, so many of today’s adults in the 18 to 35 year-old age group are emotionally, developmentally and physically living like younger teenagers or preteens. Young adults seemed to mentally mature faster in previous generations.
However, many of the members of my generation (Generation Y) are taking longer to mature and stand up on their own feet, largely due to controlling parents. I am fiercely independent and cringe when I see how heavily dependent my some of my peers are on their parents for food, shelter, money, self esteem, and other basic necessities.
Here are some more interesting thoughts from mental health professionals about failing to launch into adulthood. They pin the blame on smothering parents who stepped in to intervene too much during childhood and solved all of their children's problems for them. This over-protection has crippled the problem-solving skills of today's young adults.
Why So Many Adult Kids Still Live with Their Parents