I have been to nursing school twice already. Failed one time and starting again. I'm now in my second semester and I'm doing much better. My grades are at the top of my class. My problem is that I don't want to be a nurse. It's never been my dream to, nor do I plan on staying in nursing. It's all to make my parents happy, and I hate that they say how proud they are of me for doing it, but it makes me feel ugly inside because I'm not proud of myself. I want to become a graphic artist because it's what I've been doing all my life. I LOVE it! It's my passion! I've been working as a freelancer and I don't make a lot of money doing it, but I really don't care.
Unfortunately, my parents won't pay for me to get a degree in that because they say that it's not a practical career. I see what they're talking about because they want what's best for me, but I am miserable doing something I don't love. I've become depressed because of how I've been feeling my life is headed: the wrong direction. I live at home, my parents control everything that I do, and I have a 10 PM curfew only because they are paying for school. I'm 23 years old. I don't want to live at home anymore, and I definitely don't want to be in nursing school. My other problem is that i'm afraid that if I quit, my parents will throw me out and I will be living in a world that's new to me. They've paid for everything all my life and I don't know what it's like to fend for myself. I also hate myself for not finishing school yet and that's also another reason why I stay in school. I also stay because I feel bad that they've paid for all that schooling. Not only am I depressed, but it's made me lose confidence in myself and made me insecure.
What should I do? I feel like my life is going no where. Any advice? Anyone ever quit nursing school? What are you doing now?
Find something you enjoy and do that as a career. It is ridiculous to do a job you don't want to do for 40+ years because your parents want you to. If you quit today they would get over it. I worked 18 years at a job I never wanted, nor liked. The last few years really took a toll on my psyche. I would dread going to bed Sunday nights because I had to go to that job the next morning.
Im curious to know more about the OPs family life. Have you ever told them that this is not what you want to do? What was the conversation like when you were graduating HS and looking into colleges? Also, (there's no way to say this without potentially offending someone), is there anything we should know about you either culturally or behaviorally that would help here? Have you given them reason to not trust you, or to doubt your ability to make sound decisions? We're you not at all involved in the decision to go to nursing school? And what has gone on with you between your HS graduation and now ((that you are not finished with college)? I know you said you failed once, but what else has gone on?
As a professor, I'm inclined to side with "team quit nursing school". If you were my student, and I knew that you had no desire to be there, I'd say "then stop wasting everyone's time". It is a great deal of work to do for something you don't have the passion for.
As a parent (of a young teen) I'd say "this is our offer to you, take it or leave it" (and by leaving, I'd mean if you don't like what were willing to give you, there's the door. See if you can do better on your own.
As a person (who is no longer 23 though), I'd go with the old cliche "life is too short to be unhappy." That is a very age-appropriate way of thinking, when it comes to careers. I was there, at around 21-22. I was not happy with nursing, I was not in the specialty I wanted to be in (yet). My father basically to,d me to suck it up, and that it's called work for a reason, and about how unhappy he was for most of his career, but he had a wife and two kids to feed. So I sucked it up, and I have absolutely no regrets. It all fell into place.
As for those who say her parents are controlling her: it sounds like they are. Parents are doing that more and more these days. But are you doing anything to stop it? Have you done anything to show them that you are acting like an adult, making good decisions?
Please give the seat in your class to someone who wants to be there. There are women in my class that have no intention to work as nurses. they may not even take NCLEX. They just wanted a degree to show someone that they could do it. They intend to go back to being stay at home moms once they graduate. Every time they mention this it makes my stomach turn knowing that they took the spot of someone passionate about nursing who answered 1 less question right than them on the entrance test. Nursing is hard. If you do not want to be there, give the spot to someone who does.
LOL She cannot give her spot to someone else mid program!
Stick with it girl. Even if you choose not to become a nurse, a degree will look much better on a resume than dropping out will. Try to find the joy in the journey. The cool thing about a nursing education is that it applies to real life; it is never a waste of time. One day when you are rushing your child to the emergency room, helping your parents translate their medication, or explaining a cancer diagnosis to a close friend, you will appreciate the knowledge you have gained.
LOL She cannot give her spot to someone else mid program!
In my program, If you fail a course, you have to wait until a spot opens up in that quarter to get back in. Those spots only open up when someone quits or fails. Ergo, If she drops out, there will be a spot open in that quarter for someone else to get back in. Do other programs not allow this?
Thank you for all the comments! I've been thinking about leaving home, but I've become this person who can't say no to her parents. I feel like I'm committing a sin if I do. I see what some of you mean that I should use nursing as a stepping stone, but the other half is right too, I shouldn't be doing something that I hate and sink myself into oblivion. Nursing will be a good paying career, but as I'm doing the clinicals and meeting the patients, I'm realizing more and more why I don't want to pursue this.
I'm scared of what to say to my parents, especially what I would say to them. I don't want to disrespect them at all. I'm also scared of learning to live on my own.
If you don't, in a few years you'll still be living with them, they'll be getting older, and they'll make you stay home to care for them as they age because they paid for your nursing school. And before you know it... Nah, let's not go there. Don't YOU go there. They need to let you go be the adult you are. We don't have children to keep them home forever, we have them to grow up and become good productive adults in a complex society.
Asking for -- or seizing-- your birthright of being an adult is not disrespectful of your parents. Of course you're scared of living on your own, because it's like anything else you have to learn, and your parents have kept you dependent so you will be afraid to leave them. But NEVER be afraid to LEARN to live on your own. Pity them because they can't guilt you into being dependent forever, if you want, but don't sell yourself short just because they do.
How will you eat? Go to the bookstore and buy a basic cookbook. My kids got the Joy of Cooking and the Better Homes and Gardens ones when they went to college. Any fool can follow a recipe. Take a cooking class after work-- it's fun.
Do you know how to use a checkbook? If not, you will take your first paycheck to the bank, open a checking account and savings account IN YOUR OWN NAME ONLY, and ask the nice folks behind the desk to show you how to do it. They do that all the time and will not make fun of you.
Do you know how to buy insurance? You'll need it for your possessions in your apartment (which you can share with a classmate or friend) and your car. Look in the phone book for Insurance, and go visit a nearby agency. They will help you. They have seen lots of people who need the help you need when they are just starting out.
Do you pay for your own phone? If not, time to get the billing changed to your name. If you don't have your own phone, it's time to get one.
Do you have your own credit card? If not, it's time to get one. You don't have to run up a big balance; a small one, paid off in full every month, will build your credit rating. A good place to start is a gas company card. They give them out like candy and the monthly bill will be small. A VISA or MC will come at a higher interest rate, so start small.
Your classmate Susie Q and you will share an apartment. The two of you go apartment hunting without your parents. You might not even want to tell them you've done it until it's a done deal, to prevent them from hindering you or sabotaging you. Which they will.
What you will say is, "Mama, Papa, I have finished school and have decided to move into my own apartment with Susie Q. Our lease begins in two weeks, and I will be going then. My address will be .... " Then start collecting basic supplies (the Goodwill or Salvation Army store is loaded with bargains on kitchen stuff, furniture, linens, and everything you and Susie Q will need). Put in a forwarding notice at the post office so your mail will forward to you at your new home (and so your parents won't be reading it or concealing any of it from you). Anytime they start telling you that you can't do this, how will you live, don't you love them, how can you do this to them, etc., etc., you will say, "Mama, Papa, it is time for me to be on my own. I am 23 years old. I will see you for Sunday dinner (or whatever) next week. You remember my new address?"
They will not like it. That doesn't make it wrong.
Please stay in touch. You can do this. Think of all the millions of young women who do. You're so exceptional that you can't? That's your parents talking....and they are wrong.
Are you any good at your passion? If yes, then pursue it. I say finish nursing school too if at all possible since you could support yourself doing that. It would also be a good compromise with your parents. I have an art degree and in my last year decided on nursing, but didn't give up all those other years of college cause I changed my mind. I wanted that degree and felt I earned it. I told my parents I wanted to go back to school and they supported me for it. I couldn't support myself with an art degree (it's studio art not graphic design and I don't want to teach) plus I ran out of passion for it and the will to practice my craft. Don't waste your life doing something you don't love, work towards baby steps to achieve your goals if you're not willing to go full force into yet. Best of luck to you!
In my program, If you fail a course, you have to wait until a spot opens up in that quarter to get back in. Those spots only open up when someone quits or fails. Ergo, If she drops out, there will be a spot open in that quarter for someone else to get back in. Do other programs not allow this?
That's how it works in my program too. If you fail a class or decide to take a break for whatever reason, you don't automatically get to start back when you want to. You have to reapply to the program and then hope there is a spot available.
Specializes in ED, Telemetry,Hospice, ICU, Supervisor.
Are you a filipino?
I can see why they would want you to go into nursing as it is perceived as "recession proof" and a "guaranteed job". I say forget nursing school and go with graphic design. Just make sure you can pay your bills with it. If I was interesting enough to make a youtube account that had as many subscribers and views as JennaMarbles, trust me I would be making videos than wiping diarrhea every hour.
Sad to say is that I am not that interesting.
Your a grown adult, at the end of the day you must take responsibility of your own path in life. Your mistakes and success are your own.
Now go find the nearest bad boy and let him rock your world.
Specializes in Case mgmt., rehab, (CRRN), LTC & psych.
Are you a filipino?
The OP revealed her racial/ethnic background several days ago as shown in the post she made several days ago:
Hello all! Thank you for the great replies. I've been thinking about it these past few weeks and it's a hard decision leaving home because I've grown very dependent on my parents. A lot of what I do now is based on my parents' decisions and not mine. I'm fiilipino/chinese and they are very adamant about comparing me to other filipino children who are getting their master's in nursing and why am i still in school when I should be there. They wanted me to go to pre-med at first and didn't want to because I never wanted to be a doctor so they suggested nursing and that's what I did even when I told them I wanted to be a graphic designer. That's when they told me that if I did, they'd kick me out. I have a 10PM curfew because they don't want me partying or anything of that sort. I don't party, nor do I drink or smoke, nor do I have many friends. I'm almost always at home and when I do leave the house, it's every other week to once a month because they even chose my friends for me because they didn't like mine. I also never had a real boyfriend because whenever I try to, they nag about it until I break it up. I know that my parents are doing what's best for me, but it's been a rough 5 years since I started college. A lot of tears and sucking it up. I came here because I am scared of making a mistake and wanted to ask people who have gone through the same thing or close what their advice would be. I also want to try to better myself by taking control of my life, but I'm also scared that I wouldn't know what to do. I still haven't made up my decision and I am still in nursing school.
Specializes in ED, Telemetry,Hospice, ICU, Supervisor.
I figured she would be. This sounds like typical Filipino family pressure. The only way to break the cycle is if you do your own thing and be successful at it. Your parents are only following the template that they know has worked for others. I reccomend that you take a risk. Fortune favors the bold.
HM-8404, BSN, RN
319 Posts
Find something you enjoy and do that as a career. It is ridiculous to do a job you don't want to do for 40+ years because your parents want you to. If you quit today they would get over it. I worked 18 years at a job I never wanted, nor liked. The last few years really took a toll on my psyche. I would dread going to bed Sunday nights because I had to go to that job the next morning.
This is your life, do with it as you want.