Visitors who stay overnight. Vent.

Nurses Relations

Published

I love the ones who care so much about their family they want to stay by their side. Lately however, I am finding the other kind . Twice this week I have had to deal with a visitor who yells at me for caring for my patient. One demanded we keep the lights off, it was disturbing their sleep. Her mom had a major surgery and I needed to keep a close eye and empty all the drains often. I need to see her color and see that she is ok. This visitor complained to the house supervisor and we were told to use penlights. Are you kidding? Safety and care needs to come first. I continued to turn on the light and was told I will hear about this again. Another visitor had a tantrum because we could not provide her with her own room and bed to sleep in. Her fathers breathing was keeping her up and too many people coming in to check On him. Just go home then! This is a hospital. Our rooms have daybeds for visitors and chairs that recline which is more than most hospitals I have seen. I am required to see my patient at least every 2 hours I am sorry if that annoys you. But after surgery things can go wrong quickly. Ugh.

Specializes in Peds/Neo CCT,Flight, ER, Hem/Onc.
The only people who get to stay overnight on my unit are a family member who can translate. End of discussion. Our patients aren't terminal (when we do get the odd palliative patient then the family can stay until the end).

That is a rather harsh stand to take. I have a friend whose bones are literally rotting. She is in constant severe pain that is barely controlled by massive amounts of pain medicine on a daily basis. She is normally the most loving, kind person in the world. Post-operatively she is an animal and she doesn't mean to be. She has had a jaw replacement 3 times with her jaw wired shut. Because of her narcotic tolerance her pain after surgery is out of control and she gets anxious to the point of being hysterical. I have stayed overnight for each and every one and you would not have gotten me to leave. After her last one I slept on the windowsill with a towel for a pillow so I would not be in the way. I know what to do to get her under control so her pain can be brought to a tolerable level when she is unable to do it for herself. I am the one she throws trays at out of frustration and fear. I know how to position her to maximize comfort and minimize pain to her jaw. I am the one who can understand what she is saying when nobody else can. I toileted, bathed and fed her and changed her bed. I also kept her from yanking her NG tube out. I did not care in the least how many times the lights were turned on or someone came into the room because it wasn't about me and my comfort. The fact that I WAS there made the nurses' job much easier. How do I know this, because they all told me as much. I never got in their way, I never asked for anything for myself, I never scrutinized what they were doing and believe me they appreciated it.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Emergency, Telemetry, Transplant.

I am not going to doubt anyone who says there are, in general, better outcomes for patients who family members are there all the time. However, there is a line that overbearing family members can/have crossed. Like the family member who wants to see every med package before I remove the pill. The family member who wants to know their most recent set of VS before I give the Beta blocker. The family member that is feet away from me making sure I correctly swab the heplock before I push a med (P.S., the want to see the vial before I pull the med out of it).

I appreciate a daughter who is there to advocate for her mother. Someone who wants to question the competency of the nurses at every chance? Umm, no. If you have that many issues with the nursing staff, then find a different hospital.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Emergency, Telemetry, Transplant.
Now I have been in situations where I have not budget from my family member side because I did not trust the nursing staff.

There may be a good reason no to trust this particular staff, but I would be pretty insulted if I got the vibe that you were staying because you did not trust me. Would you go into the operating room with you family member because you did not trust the surgeon to make the correct incision?

Up Vote Up Vote ×
That is a rather harsh stand to take. I have a friend whose bones are literally rotting. She is in constant severe pain that is barely controlled by massive amounts of pain medicine on a daily basis. She is normally the most loving, kind person in the world. Post-operatively she is an animal and she doesn't mean to be. She has had a jaw replacement 3 times with her jaw wired shut. Because of her narcotic tolerance her pain after surgery is out of control and she gets anxious to the point of being hysterical. I have stayed overnight for each and every one and you would not have gotten me to leave. After her last one I slept on the windowsill with a towel for a pillow so I would not be in the way. I know what to do to get her under control so her pain can be brought to a tolerable level when she is unable to do it for herself. I am the one she throws trays at out of frustration and fear. I know how to position her to maximize comfort and minimize pain to her jaw. I am the one who can understand what she is saying when nobody else can. I toileted, bathed and fed her and changed her bed. I also kept her from yanking her NG tube out. I did not care in the least how many times the lights were turned on or someone came into the room because it wasn't about me and my comfort. The fact that I WAS there made the nurses' job much easier. How do I know this, because they all told me as much. I never got in their way, I never asked for anything for myself, I never scrutinized what they were doing and believe me they appreciated it.

You have spoken for me too as I have been in a similar situation. I am always surprised when I read about rigid "patient must be terminally ill for family to stay" attitudes from nurses. I wonder if nurses who hold this attitude really care about their patients. I have stayed with my family members 24/7 through cancer surgery, strokes, sepsis, and more, and assisted the nurses any way I could. My family members wanted me to stay with them and received better care as a result of my being there to help them and advocate for them. It's about the patient, not about staff convenience, although I believe that family who stay with the patient should be considerate of and co-operative with the nursing staff.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Again I have no problem with the family staying, it is when the family GETS IN THE WAY OF CARE that I have a problem. I always explain that I will be on often for treatment and assessments all night and 90% of the time it is not a problem. But twice in the last week I have had to deal with family members who put their OWN needs in front of the patient. If I had a nickel for every time a patient when south or got out of bed confused while the family member was sound asleep or did nothing, I would not have to work anymore. Their presence is fine as long as it HELPS the PATIENT. When it impedes on patient care, or detracts from me caring for my other patients in a timely fashion ( we all know the type of visitors that become time-sucks) then it is a problem. If your family member did not need this level of care, they would not be on my floor.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Peds/Neo CCT,Flight, ER, Hem/Onc.
However, there is a line that overbearing family members can/have crossed.

Very, very true. Funny story. After my friend's last surgery the nurses were giving/getting report "at the bedside" they were outside the door and speaking quietly. This was their conversation.

On-coming nurse: "Who is that with her"

Off-going nurse: "That's her friend FlyingScot. She's been here all night. She's a nurse"

OC nurse: "Oh crap, that's all I need. Is she leaving soon"

OG nurse: "I don't think so"

OC nurse: "I'm going to make her leave"

OG nurse: "Then you'd better wear a helmet. The patient throws trays"

Side note: yes my friend really did throw a tray at me for which she has apologized repeatedly over the last few years and for which I have repeatedly forgiven her. I also hear the OG nurse tell the OC nurse that I was "cool" and never got in her way.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in school nursing, ortho, trauma.

i think it's dependent on the situation too. I absolutely would have stayed bedside when my dad had his bypass, but i knew darn well that he wouldn't have rested properly as he would have felt a duty to talk to me or be good company the entire time i was there. Instead, i flew down to the hospital every day after work with my mom so he could get his hall walking time in, have his alone time, and just have time to rest. I needed time to rest too.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Medical Surgical Orthopedic.

I encourage families to stay as long as they'd like as, but I let them know I'll be in and out all night and that they may occasionally be asked to sit in the waiting room if additional space and/or privacy are needed. I did have a patient's wife hop out of her cot and start parading around in her underwear one night. I really could have done without that. Maybe I'm making family members feel too comfortable???

Up Vote Up Vote ×

NOT ALLOWED in our hospital unless patient actively dying! I like night shift for just that reason happy.png

Our bays are 6 bedded. We don't have room for extra people, and if we allowed each patient to have even one visitor that is an extra 6 people in a pretty small space. They will disturb the other patients by moving around. We can't allow for some and not others, so we ban all. If a patient needs somebody with them at night, we get a 1:1 sitter.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
NOT ALLOWED in our hospital unless patient actively dying! I like night shift for just that reason :)

Family members are not allowed to stay overnight in your hospital unless the patient is actively dying? Your hospital prevents people from staying overnight with acutely ill family members? Does anyone consider that the patient might like to have their family member with them? That the patient may like to have their loved one by their side to help them and advocate for them. That the family member may care very much for their hospitalized relative and want to be there to help and support them? Is that not important? Or is it just about the staff's convenience? Nursing care is supposed to be patient centered, not provider centered, and studies apparently show that patients do better when they have their families with them (obviously those that want their families with them), as the surgeon I mentioned in my post above told me.

To be admitted to hospital today one usually has to be very sick. If I knew the name and location of your hospital I would make sure that none of my family members went there if they had any choice, and I would not go there either. And I would tell everyone I knew about your facility's policy on visitors staying overnight. I would not be sorry if your hospital's bottom line suffered as a result of this policy.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

so annoying. i work nights and sometimes the

Up Vote Up Vote ×

It is interesting that one of the lovely survey questions ask about how your visitors were treated. Seriously?

And in my experience, if combative frantic Mom is over the edge, and you really could use family to calm them, there are no family anywhere that ever would want to spend more than 15 minutes with Mom before being irritated, never mind the night. But they are heavy on the advice on how it is you should care for them. And then there's the complainers that stay overnight, cause a ruckus, then leave the next morning--especially if it is discharge day--and it is evening before you can get anyone to pick them up--apparently they are BUSY and running on "little sleep" and geeeezzzz now it is 6pm, and too late to pick up Mom, so they will be by at some point the next day.....when they can.....and it starts all over again......

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Add a Comment