Visitors who stay overnight. Vent.

Jeffny01 · Feb 15, 2018

I am not a nurse. I am one of the people who stays with his loved one (in this case my mother) overnight when she is in the hospital. In the times I have done this, i have always made it a point to be respectful of others, and not to interfere with the nurses, unless their actions are in some way causing my mother unnecessary pain, or harm.

Why do I insist on staying with her overnight? First, my mother is unable to speak up for herself. A massive stroke in 2007 left her speech impared. She can talk, but it's very difficult to understand her. She can't tell you if she's sick, or in pain. At least not in any way you can understand unless you know her well. She can't call a nurse for help, because she can also not press the correct button on the control pad that give her at her bed side. You can't question her, bexause even if she did fully understand what you're asking, the words wouldn't come out right, and you would have no idea what she's saying. If a nurse came into her room and wanted to give her a shot, or a pill, she can't speak for herself and ask the important questions, such as "what is that?" "Why are you giving it to me?" "Who approved it?" "Does my doctor know?" "Does my son know?" "I don't want it, can I talk to my son or doctor?". Etx etc etc. She can also not sign her name. Even if ahe could, she would not fully understand what you're asking her to sign.

Other things she can't do. She's can't tell you she has advanced arthritis in both legs, and the pain is excrutiating when you try to handle her like a piece of meat, instead of a human in a lot of pain. She can't tell you the titanium rod in her hip causes her pain if you don't handle her the right way. She can't tell you the way you're hamdling her is scaring her to death, and traumatizing her. She can't tell you please call my son. All she can do is lay there calling my name as if im in the room with her, not realizing im at home five miles away where I can't hear her crying for someone to help her!!!!!!

Have I made my point???

My mother has been in the hospital four times. I have stayed with her over night everytime. I refuse to leave her alone there. She needs someone who cares to speak up for her, and make damn sure she's being treated right. She needs someone there who can ask what that pill is. Or answer questions, and sign documents if needed.

So yes, I will stay with her over night when she's there. Sorry if you think it somehow steps your position as a nurse. But ive seen it all in those places. Ive had nurses that ive had to file complaints about. Ive had nurses with nasty attitudes decide they're going to do things their way, not giving a damn their actions are causing my mother to scream in pain.

You folks just have to put your egos aside and understand.

Thats my two cents as the overnighter

Ruby Vee, BSN · Feb 16, 2018

I am not a nurse. I am one of the people who stays with his loved one (in this case my mother) overnight when she is in the hospital. In the times I have done this, i have always made it a point to be respectful of others, and not to interfere with the nurses, unless their actions are in some way causing my mother unnecessary pain, or harm.
Why do I insist on staying with her overnight? First, my mother is unable to speak up for herself. A massive stroke in 2007 left her speech impared. She can talk, but it's very difficult to understand her. She can't tell you if she's sick, or in pain. At least not in any way you can understand unless you know her well. She can't call a nurse for help, because she can also not press the correct button on the control pad that give her at her bed side. You can't question her, bexause even if she did fully understand what you're asking, the words wouldn't come out right, and you would have no idea what she's saying. If a nurse came into her room and wanted to give her a shot, or a pill, she can't speak for herself and ask the important questions, such as "what is that?" "Why are you giving it to me?" "Who approved it?" "Does my doctor know?" "Does my son know?" "I don't want it, can I talk to my son or doctor?". Etx etc etc. She can also not sign her name. Even if ahe could, she would not fully understand what you're asking her to sign.
Other things she can't do. She's can't tell you she has advanced arthritis in both legs, and the pain is excrutiating when you try to handle her like a piece of meat, instead of a human in a lot of pain. She can't tell you the titanium rod in her hip causes her pain if you don't handle her the right way. She can't tell you the way you're hamdling her is scaring her to death, and traumatizing her. She can't tell you please call my son. All she can do is lay there calling my name as if im in the room with her, not realizing im at home five miles away where I can't hear her crying for someone to help her!!!!!!
Have I made my point???
My mother has been in the hospital four times. I have stayed with her over night everytime. I refuse to leave her alone there. She needs someone who cares to speak up for her, and make damn sure she's being treated right. She needs someone there who can ask what that pill is. Or answer questions, and sign documents if needed.
So yes, I will stay with her over night when she's there. Sorry if you think it somehow steps your position as a nurse. But ive seen it all in those places. Ive had nurses that ive had to file complaints about. Ive had nurses with nasty attitudes decide they're going to do things their way, not giving a damn their actions are causing my mother to scream in pain.
You folks just have to put your egos aside and understand.
Thats my two cents as the overnighter

I hope you feel better. I just wonder what makes you think you can determine when someone is "unnecessarily causing pain" and when someone is doing something necessary that is unfortunately causing pain. And I wonder (actually I doubt) whether you would listen to the rationale the nurse is giving you for doing what needs to be done rather than just filing a complaint.

You just need to put your ego aside and try to understand.

Jeffny01 · Feb 16, 2018

Actually it's those in your profession who are not interested in listening. I'm beginning to think you're on of them.

I've had plenty of productive, rational conversations with nurses. Those that are willing to listen, and have an exchange of ideas. Those who are going to give me the "i'm the professional, listen to me" routine, I'll just roll my eyes and find someone willing to talk.

I've been my mother's care giver for over ten years. It's very easy for me to watch how she's being handled, and know when it's unnecessary, and simply unavoidable. I know my mother better than any ever will. I know how to handle her in ways that greatly reduces the pain she feels. It's not difficult. Just takes a gentle touch, and careful movements. For reasons that escape me, some nurses can't grasp that concept. To them, everything is grab hard and pull. Push hard, yank, pull, grab.

This happened just a few days ago. We were in the hospital. Two "skilled" and "highly trained" nurses couldn't figure out how to get my mother out of a chair and back to bed. Their final solution was to strap a harness around her and lift her up. Which I would not allow. It annoyed them, but that's just tough. They huffed and puffed, but decided to listen to me. What happened? They followed my instructions, and my mother stood right up from that chair, turned around, and got back in bed. If they had put their arrogance aside, and dropped the "we're the professionals, stand aside" non-sense, they would have had her back in bed twenty minutes earlier.

So, 90% of the time a painful experience for my mother is avoidable. In the times it's not, I play the roll of keeping my mother calm, while the nurses do what needs to be done.

For the nurses that insist on thinking their training makes them better than me, and refuses to let me show them how to handle her, I'll have them removed from the room and they'll never touch my mother again.

Wuzzie · Feb 16, 2018

Your beef is with the facility your mother was recently in. It would be much more productive for you to communicate with them rather than resurrecting an ancient thread on a NURSING forum to air you complaints. All of us have had family members in the hospital at one time or another so we see both sides where you cannot and never will be able to. You further go on to make unsupported accusations against one of our long term members. This will not help you communicate what you have to say and, in fact, will utterly shut down any productive dialogue. This topic was about unreasonable family members. If you feel you are not in that category then our discussion is not about you so you might want to take it down a notch. I'm sorry that you were unhappy with your mother's care but this is not the place to deal with it. I wish you and your mother peace.