Venting about classmates with families...

FireStarterRN, BSN, RN · Oct 10, 2008

Exactly, going out socially is not a necessity whereas raising children is.

I doubt if many of us considering cooking for & cleaning up after our children as recreational activities whereby we recharge our batteries...:zzzzz

life_student · Oct 11, 2008

Because children have powerful emotional and physical needs for care giving that MUST be met, and by working a job and attending a demanding nursing program simultaneously, their needs can be extremely difficult to meet. This puts strains on families and marriages. For single parents it's doubly difficult.

Thank you, well said.

SunnyAndrsn · Oct 11, 2008

You know, it's interesting to hear this because many of my classmates think that my life must be so easy because I didn't work most of the time I've been in school. One classmate recently asked my "Why do you have to work now?" As if it was any of her business! I didn't make a big deal about not having to work, but was excited when I started working as an LPN while I'm finishing my RN.

Many of them have implied I "must be rich"...many think that because my boys are in high school, life is a cakewalk (those with younger kids)...many can't relate to a mortgage, utilities, etc because all they have is car maintenence and a cell phone bill!

It's all relative, don't let it get to you.

OK, I am getting sooooo sick and tired of my classmates thinking that just because I don't work, have kids, or a husband..I have no problems. When did having problems only become exclusive to family life. I suffer my fair share of problems that drastically altered my grades first semester and was on the brink of failing..battled severe depression because of my problems and barely passed on...Im not going into detail about my personal life, but its just mind blowing how many of my classmates have this ONE SIDED VIEW ON life, its almost sickening....

reidesert · Oct 11, 2008

I can't help to respond and I apologize in advance if I come off rude or inconsiderate. I haven't had adequate sleep and I am stressed out about an upcoming test. That being said, I just want to say that I have experienced school without children (taking a full 20 unit load at UCLA) and double majoring ( BA and BS) in biological sciences and psychology (finished in 3 1/2 yrs) while working full time in a psych related field. I just wanted to say that it was no walk in the park but a whole lot less stressful than having a family while attending nursing school. My children are young (under 4) and I have a hardworking but stressed out husband who doesn't always understand my need to study. When you have you own schedule (however hectic it is) and only have to meet your own needs it is easier to get things done. When you are single its easier to manage your finances because it is only you you have to think of. I have single and married friends in the program and it is from personal experience that the ones that are married and have kids are better at prioritizing their time (such as starting to study ahead of time than cramming for a test at the last minute) and coming to class. I try to maximize my learning experience in the classroom and at clinical because it is time spent away from my babies. I think that moms feel guilty about spending time away from their children to study and work and then feel guilty when they are spending time away from studying or work when they are playing with their kids. It is a tough balance. Nursing school is demanding no matter what your situation and I try to focus on my challenges and to not compare my situation to others because in the end it is really just a waste of time b/c what good does it really do? In realization the 5 minutes that it took me to type this out I could have been studying or playing with my kids....

Chixie · Oct 11, 2008

What i get annoyed with is that the girls in my class with no kids,live at home etc moan about how they are struggling with money and having no time to study yet they somehow magically have the time and money to go out 3 or 4 times a week drinking/clubbing/serial shopping.

I have days where i dont stop from 6 in the morning to 11 at night. Im constantly on the go and as i dont have a car so have to rely on buses which makes it a bit harder. Im either dashing to her school, trying to get to placements on time, doing housework or studying. I simply dont have enough hours in the day

Nights out? what are they, i cant remember the last one i had. Yes i know kids are optional/personal choice but its not as though i can put my daughter on the shelf for 2 nights whilst i study-those without kids can stay in and study rather than going out drinking

ZooMommyRN, ADN, RN · Oct 11, 2008

How you deal with your fellow students in school can be a good indicator of how you will deal with your co-workers and patients in the real world, sure some might complain more than others so distance yourself from them at time, but don't tune people out all together or someday it could be you with crisis needing to vent and not a sympathetic ear in sight, communication is a two way street, with some people I've noticed that once the vent outloud they can make heads of it all better and come up with a game plan where as when it's all locked in their head and going round and round you can't get it all straightened out.

justme1972 · Oct 11, 2008

Some things are much harder when you are single than when you are married, and I think sometimes, after people have been married for awhile, or married very young, they forget that.

I still remember struggling to pay the bills on my salary alone. When people are married, they pay the same rent/mortgage, whether there is one person living there for 5, same for electric, water, gas, cable, internet, etc.

I got no tax discount b/c I was single...my car insurance was high b/c I was single.

If I had studying to do when I was in college before I couldn't say, "Oh, honey, could you mail off checks for the bills, pick up the dry cleaning, get the oil changed and go grocery shopping for me? I'm really busy."

Nope, when you are single you don't even have someone to take out the trash or put a single stamp on a bill for you...you have to do all of that yourself. When you are sick, you have to fix yourself something to eat no matter how high your fever is..or you don't eat. I'll never forget one day having a fever of 104 in the middle of the night, discovering to my horror that I was out of any and all meds (unusual, b/c I usually keep a small pharmacy at my home), and I had to get dressed, get in the car, and drive to an all-night grocery store while dizzy and sick to get something.

In some ways, it's more hectic, just in a different way.

julbug75 · Oct 12, 2008

I asked one of my instructors the other day when the class schedule for next semester would be out. I added that for me, the sooner the better because I like to plan in advance care for my children, and to give my employer an idea of how much I will be able to work. I am lucky having a job that I work PRN. Another student snidely remarked, "I don't have any kids and I would like to know also". The comment I made concerning my children, was not to compare my life to anyone elses. I was expressing what my life priorities were, and why I was inquiring about the class schedule. It was not a comparison. I replied to the student that I understood that everyone has their own reasons, children or none, and need to plan their lives around coursework.

I would bet that at least some of the individuals in your class, are not making comments to compare their lives to yours, but simply venting like you are doing here. I know there are some who will complain no matter what their circumstances, and unfortunately, there are people like that everywhere.

premedturnednursing · Oct 12, 2008

Honestly, there's no comparison. I agree with the OP that it grates on my last nerve when my classmates complain about their kids being a hinderance. We ALL have our struggles. And like Feels Like JD said, it is not easily quantified. What's tough for me may not be tough for you but that's not to say it isn't tough.

EscapeTheDungeon · Oct 13, 2008

When I was single and childless, I hated listening to other women talk about their husbands and children. I thought married women were so stuck up, and I thought they felt that they were superior to me just because they had husbands. And I thought women with children were the most boring people on earth.

But now that I am married, I like other married women with children the best, or other single moms (but I feel guilty talking about my husband in front of the single moms).

I did not have my child until I was 35, and I did not get married until I was 42. So I spent two decades as a single woman, alone, with no man or children. It drove me to depression, because I really wanted to have a family that whole time.

HeartsOpenWide, RN · Oct 13, 2008

I get upset too sometimes when people say "your lucky" because I do not have kids or have to work while I am in nursing school. I am proud to be in nursing school, all while not having to work, and not having kids (unless you call that big guy that sleeps next to me a kid :chuckle) I often wonder how people with kids and work can do it...sometimes they seem to do it even better than me! There are even students in my class that intentionally got pregnant while in nursing school! But the fact that I am choosing to wait to have my family, and why I chose to wait until my husband could support me without me working and just going to school, should not mean that I should feel lucky (lucky because I get teared up because I can hear the neighbors newborn crying through the wall and I have to be reminded of what I am putting on hold so that I can focus on school?). I also don't have a mortgage (meaning a house) or a car loan (meaning a nice car, in fact, I am nearly 28 and I still drive the second car I have ever owned) and I live pretty dang simple in expensive California so that I can focus on school. I should not feel lucky because I planned ahead and made choices that allow me to go to school without kids or a job. Not to say that those who did anything differently deserve to work harder in school. I just don't like being called lucky; because there was no luck about it.

EscapeTheDungeon · Oct 13, 2008

HeartOpenWide,

My classmates resent the heck out of me because I have a husband who supports me, so I can stay home with our child, and go to school without having to work. Even my married, male classmates seem to resent me because I don't work full-time.

Most of my classmates work full-time, and have children. Half are single, and half are married. But I honestly think this is the reason why many of them do not talk to me -- they see me as some stupid little housewife who 'has it made.' When in fact, I supported myself for two decades, and waited until my 40's to marry and have children. And my husband and I are making major financial sacrifices, and going into debt, just so I can stay home. And then I have a special needs child (I don't even reveal that to my classmates). He does terrible in daycare, so I really can't work and put him in a daycare program full-time.