Venting about classmates with families...

Nurse Salt · Oct 9, 2008

I definitely agree about the one-up-manship of complaining in NS. Its tough, just keep it focused on school at school...

justme1972 · Oct 9, 2008

OK, I am getting sooooo sick and tired of my classmates thinking that just because I don't work, have kids, or a husband..I have no problems. When did having problems only become exclusive to family life. I suffer my fair share of problems that drastically altered my grades first semester and was on the brink of failing..battled severe depression because of my problems and barely passed on...Im not going into detail about my personal life, but its just mind blowing how many of my classmates have this ONE SIDED VIEW ON life, its almost sickening....

I am married, have children and I agree with you 100%.

When I was single, I had about had it up to my eyeballs picking up the slack for co-workers who were constantly out or late because of the "kids". I had one lady who bolted out of the office because her husband was home with the children (3 of them) and she said, "I have to leave...he just called and the kids are driving him nuts."

While I, got grilled every time I asked for a day off with even a 3 or 4 week notice on why I need it, was it really necessary, can I reschedule it on a weekend, whatever.

I vowed if I had ever married I would never do that to my co-workers.

....and I never have.

Yes, you do have to miss when kids are sick, however, I also don't think it's necessary to attend every single school function, every single ballgame, your significant other is perfectly able to drive himself/herself to the doctor by themselves...it doesn't have to be a family affair...etc.

Sara5229 · Oct 9, 2008

Chances are people who say things like that say it because the only single person's life they are able to relate to is their previous single life and maybe feel things would be easier for them if they themselves were going through school single. They probably don't mean to make you feel the way you do. I try to never use my family as an excuse... but I'd be lying if I said that things or at least making time anyways wouldn't be alot easier if I didn't have a family that I have to take care of.

1rarejewel · Oct 9, 2008

I can see it from both sides as well. I look back to 1995 wishing I had known then what I know now.

Quick comment...Having children and choosing to have children may not necessarily coincide. Some, although few, may have children because they are taking care of a child they had no part in creating, but at the same time care enough about them to not let them go into the system. That should not be looked at as a "well that's their choice" situation. IMHO

That is not my situation...just wanted to put that out there. Now in my case, I do have a husband, 4 children, 4 pets and all the responsibilities that come along with such. I'm taking nothing away from a single person because before I had children, I lost both my parents within 3 years, moved from house to house, lived in a homeless shelter during my first pregnancy....you name it. Back then, I thought those would be the worst experiences of my life.

The difference is that a lot of the problems that you are having with no children or family are the same problems that those with families still have. Additional problems don't go away when you have a family, they are just compounded. Example, with the family situation already a factor, I have lost 5 additional very close family members, my husband just returned from Iraq, my house was recently robbed, the police have yet to do their job after 3 weeks, 1 child with a disability and trouble in school, no parents for support, depression, extended family problems requiring my help....blah, blah, blah.

I wouldn't dismiss anyone's problems, as we all deal with them differently. I may talk about certain situations as they arise, only to my friends in class...not everyone, but I never complain about my family as a reason as to why it's harder. In fact the opposite is true for me. They give me the inspiration to push harder to finish my goals. Yes it is more complex because my 168 hours a week, every week, is divided between 6 people and their needs as well, they are not my own.

Would I have started nursing school before my family if I had it to do over? Yes. Do I regret or blame my family?....not in the least.

Sometimes people do need to vent...when me and my classmates(friends) do it, we usually amuse each other cracking jokes with our stories, and if one is having a hard time, the others pull together to support him or her. Everyone will have issues. You choose whether or not you will listen. For those that make you feel as though you have no problems, stay away from them. A true friend will listen and bring you up, knowing that whatever it is, you don't feel good about it. They will put their problems aside for that moment and allow you the same time to vent that you afforded them.

I hope your situations improve. Just remember, what you are going through now won't last forever. One year (or more depending on the situation) from now, will the events you are going through now be important to you then? If not, don't dwell on them. Get through it now and move on.

Goal #1...graduate!!! (That will be important to you for years to come, so that's what you dwell on. As for the complainers in your class, forget about them...you may not even see them next semester.)

kcochrane · Oct 10, 2008

I have to admit that going to nursing school was much easier when I didn't work (LPN). Going to RN school while I work is much harder - mostly due to lack of sleep. BUT I signed on for this.

Honestly it would be much easier for me if I didn't have to work or was single. But that doesn't mean I think that someone that is single has it easier than me. Of course I'm going to complain every now and then about how the kids woke me up and how my husband doesn't understand, but I wouldn't trade them for the world. They are actually very supportive, but they are human and want attention. Yeah it would be nice to sleep when I want and get my work done when I want and not have others with needs - but I've learned over time to juggle the best I can. I'm not going to be a straight A student, but I'm going to make it!

I guess we need to all remember that the grass is not always greener on the other side. There are pros and cons on both sides.

In reference to work - even with school, kids and a husband, I have only been late once in 4 years. My attendence could be better, but it was due to illness - not family issues. And I do my fair share of holidays - probably more than I should.

txnursingqt · Oct 10, 2008

OK, I am getting sooooo sick and tired of my classmates thinking that just because I don't work, have kids, or a husband..I have no problems. When did having problems only become exclusive to family life. I suffer my fair share of problems that drastically altered my grades first semester and was on the brink of failing..battled severe depression because of my problems and barely passed on...Im not going into detail about my personal life, but its just mind blowing how many of my classmates have this ONE SIDED VIEW ON life, its almost sickening....

I know exactly what you mean. I get sick of hearing about all the complaining too. I don't have kids but I am married. I do however, help out watching my nephew everyday while my sister is finishing up her bachelor's degree. I am not the only one who watches him, my mom is the main babysitter and my dad and my husband help too! I am lucky that we have a very supportive family.

But anyway...I still have issues and everyone runs out of time in the day. I want to tell the complainers "Hey, it's called LIFE!!!!". I think some people just seem to feed on complaining and drama and they find that is the only way to make small talk in school. I don't get it.

Now, I am not saying that working, going to school, and having kids is easy. I do have TONS of respect for all mothers out there and I see what my sister goes through but I thank God that isn't me right now. But my husband and I decided to wait on kids. And back when I was single I decided to use birth control so that I would not end up pregnant. We all make choices in life and have to live with the consequences. But things do happen and sometimes "accidents" are a part of those happenings.

Sorry if I have offended anyone. I don't mean too. I am just venting that I understand the OP. It just sucks to have people think you have it "easy" when you are working your butt off. Sometimes I feel like just because I was "smart" (can't think of a better word, but I realize this could offend) and didn't get pregnant that I am made to feel like I don't really know it is, when I am sorry but I sure do. Just because someone doesn't have kids does not make life easier.

Ok, done with the rant.

After just posting this I was thinking and I realized it isn't just the ones with families that gripe. I guess my real beef is with everyone that sits around compalining that they don't have time to do this or do that. I hear this same gripe week after week, it just gets so old after a while. Yes, we all know that these classes are tough and time consuming, so just deal with it.

Mexarican · Oct 10, 2008

This is interesting...

in my program usually the ones with kids have the highest grades...more focused i guess.

thanks,

Mex

MB37 · Oct 10, 2008

I have never thought it could possibly be easy to go to NS with a job and kids at home. However, it's also not easy without kids. We all have responsibilities outside of school, even the ones who still live with their parents (that's not my situation). Just don't assume that because someone's life SOUNDS easier than yours that it actually is. They may have all kinds of things going on (ill parent, chronic illness themself, whatever) that they just aren't choosing to broadcast to the class. I also don't think that those of us who chose to wait to have children until after marriage and after we finished NS should have to accept excuses from those who made other choices in life. I've been married three years and I'm almost 30. I've always used two forms of birth control, and while I was never in a situation where I had to decide whether to exercise it, I also have the right in this country to terminate an unwanted pregnancy (not trying to start an abortion debate, please don't!) or to give it up for adoption. I am now an RN and I'm not going back to school until after we have kids (assuming we're able). I know it'll make it tougher to get my master's, but it's the choice that I'm making and I'm willing to accept the consequences. I have utmost respect for folks who did make the choice to raise kids by themselves (and the ones who didn't r/t divorce, death, fostering/adopting a relative's kid, etc.) and I understand that it does make fitting in school tougher. I think it's great if they're going back to school to improve their families' financial future. I just think that the standards should be the same for everyone.

We had some people in our class who had a hard time getting places on time because they were hungover, even though they lived on campus. We had others who used the exact same excuse about having trouble with child care every single week. One of our CIs had 4 kids, worked FT her whole life, and went back for both her BSN And MS with kids at home. She therefore had little sympathy for the one who always used her kids as an excuse. Another girl in our group was heavily pregnant for the entire last semester, and had another one at home. She was on time or early 100% of the time and never needed to ask for special treatment. I knew she had a son, I knew she had a job, and I knew she had a long commute - but I knew these things because we chatted about them, not because she used them as an excuse for anything.

All that being said, we all need to vent sometimes. That never bothers me at all. If your baby kept you up all night (and you showed up to clinical on time anyway) and you want to tell me about it over lunch, I'll happily lend a sympathetic ear! I was a bartender for many years, so as Daytonite said, I'm very used to listening to other people's problems. As long as you don't spend every minute of every day complaining about something or other, and you don't expect special treatment because your life is so much tougher than mine, we'll have no problems. It's when the folks with kids are allowed to be late on a regular basis, while the rest of us get cut no slack for anything, that I have a problem with.

Feels Like JD · Oct 10, 2008

It IS harder to go to nursing school when you have kids and have to work, you have to admit that is usually the case.

Not sure that can actually be quantified. It's just like assessing a patient for pain. It's what the patient says it is. And nothing else. The OP has a valid point. Just because she is single or doesn't have kids doesn't mean for a minute that school isn't an overwhelming feeling for her. We all internalize the stress of the task before us in similar ways regardless of how we'd like to compare our individual stakes to each others.

bekindtokittens · Oct 10, 2008

Why is time spent with children and husbands assumed to be more of "quality time" than time single people spend going out socially? Perhaps for the singles, that is THEIR quality time.

No matter what the circumstances, I just try to listen and be a friend, and hope someone is there to listen when I need to complain.

FireStarterRN, BSN, RN · Oct 10, 2008

Why is time spent with children and husbands assumed to be more of "quality time" than time single people spend going out socially? Perhaps for the singles, that is THEIR quality time.
No matter what the circumstances, I just try to listen and be a friend, and hope someone is there to listen when I need to complain.

Because children have powerful emotional and physical needs for care giving that MUST be met, and by working a job and attending a demanding nursing program simultaneously, their needs can be extremely difficult to meet. This puts strains on families and marriages. For single parents it's doubly difficult.

Sara5229 · Oct 10, 2008

Because children have powerful emotional and physical needs for care giving that MUST be met, and by working a job and attending a demanding nursing program simultaneously, their needs can be extremely difficult to meet. This puts strains on families and marriages. For single parents it's doubly difficult.

Exactly, going out socially is not a necessity whereas raising children is.