UGH TEACHERS

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science teacher sends a student in because she thinks he has bilateral ear infection and a "raging" fever cause his cheeks are bright red. Okay sarcastic nurse coming out.."Hi Miss science teacher I have your student in front of me...his face is bright red from running around outside, and he said his ears don't even hurt . so now Im wondering why do YOU think I need to check his ears instead of him being in science class being taught by you?"

Oh you heard his mother is home sick (mom is a teacher and is playing hooky) and there for HE has a bilateral ear infection? oh, okay, I am not checking his ears. If yYOU think he should have his ears checked, please call his mother explain WHO YOU ARE and why you want his ears checked.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH

Specializes in Pediatrics Retired.
Got a frantic call from a young new-ish (2nd year) high school teacher.

"Someone just threw up in my classroom!! He's in the bathroom now!! I'll see you in a few minutes when you come over!!!!" (This classroom is in a different building from where my office is located.)

I was like: "Hold on, new teacher dude. Just send the vomiter to me when he is done (unless he is dizzy or passing out), I am not a required presence if a student is vomiting."

He seemed confused by that statement.

Puke happens and there is not a darn thing I can do about it, people!!! (Preaching to the choir, I know!!)

There is a condition I've identified as "post emesis paralysis" which is a phenomenon on the elementary level of kids being frozen or "paralyzed" in the position of the most recent vomit spew. Locked in place bent over at the waist with strings of vomit streaked saliva suspended from their nose or mouth; vomit covered hands locked in space - or paralyzed in their desk as vomit drains from the desktop onto their clothes - a condition that only a school nurse can unlock; bystanders can't even hand the vomiter a tissue or bring over a trash can for fear they would be paralyzed too, I guess. Strange phenomenon indeed, but when I get to the vomit site, tell the kid to stand up, the paralysis is relieved and they are able to walk to the clinic. Amazing.

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There is a condition I've identified as "post emesis paralysis" which is a phenomenon on the elementary level of kids being frozen or "paralyzed" in the position of the most recent vomit spew. Locked in place bent over at the waist with strings of vomit streaked saliva suspended from their nose or mouth; vomit covered hands locked in space - or paralyzed in their desk as vomit drains from the desktop onto their clothes - a condition that only a school nurse can unlock; bystanders can't even hand the vomiter a tissue or bring over a trash can for fear they would be paralyzed too, I guess. Strange phenomenon indeed, but when I get to the vomit site, tell the kid to stand up, the paralysis is relieved and they are able to walk to the clinic. Amazing.

POST EMESIS PARALYSIS as first described by OldDude (circa 2016) has been widely found to be a psychosomatic condition. Sufferers can expect that symptoms resolve only by the arrival of medical personnel or death. Mortality rate is low (

For his extensive research, OldDude has been awarded a Lifetime Achievement Award and cash prize of exactly nothing. He plans to continue to observe and describe new school based conditions.

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Specializes in Pediatrics Retired.
POST EMESIS PARALYSIS as first described by OldDude (circa 2016) has been widely found to be a psychosomatic condition. Sufferers can expect that symptoms resolve only by the arrival of medical personnel or death. Mortality rate is low (

For his extensive research, OldDude has been awarded a Lifetime Achievement Award and cash prize of exactly nothing. He plans to continue to observe and describe new school based conditions.

I'm speechless - what an honor!; *typed as eyes teared up and lower lip trembled*

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POST EMESIS PARALYSIS as first described by OldDude (circa 2016) has been widely found to be a psychosomatic condition. Sufferers can expect that symptoms resolve only by the arrival of medical personnel or death. Mortality rate is low (

For his extensive research, OldDude has been awarded a Lifetime Achievement Award and cash prize of exactly nothing. He plans to continue to observe and describe new school based conditions.

Best thing I've read all week!

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POST EMESIS PARALYSIS as first described by OldDude (circa 2016) has been widely found to be a psychosomatic condition. Sufferers can expect that symptoms resolve only by the arrival of medical personnel or death. Mortality rate is low (

For his extensive research, OldDude has been awarded a Lifetime Achievement Award and cash prize of exactly nothing. He plans to continue to observe and describe new school based conditions.

Red State, Texas: You may remember that OldDude is currently under investigation for the alleged murders of several lice. Mr.Nurse(x2), spokesperson for "Louse it Up" is watching this case with interest, and is expected to protest any accolades OldDude receives from his groundbreaking, brilliant work on "Post Emesis Paralysis".

OldDude is said to be the Top Contender for this year's esteemed "Pukey" award.

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:roflmao:

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I hate it when teachers send a student down or back to me with a note saying, "They were crying in class" AND THERE ARE ABSOLUTELY NO TEARS AT ALL IN MY OFFICE.

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Red State, Texas: You may remember that OldDude is currently under investigation for the alleged murders of several lice. Mr.Nurse(x2), spokesperson for "Louse it Up" is watching this case with interest, and is expected to protest any accolades OldDude receives from his groundbreaking, brilliant work on "Post Emesis Paralysis".

OldDude is said to be the Top Contender for this year's esteemed "Pukey" award.

Presentation of any award has been suspended indefinitely pending further investigation. Lice Abuse is not taken lightly in the state where rifles are issued at birth (or prior to birth, according to some pro-life groups). The preservation of the lice community will be sought at all costs.

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Specializes in Pediatrics Retired.
Presentation of any award has been suspended indefinitely pending further investigation. Lice Abuse is not taken lightly in the state where rifles are issued at birth (or prior to birth, according to some pro-life groups). The preservation of the lice community will be sought at all costs.

I think I'm a victim...of something. Maybe because I didn't get a participation award when I was in school.

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Presentation of any award has been suspended indefinitely pending further investigation. Lice Abuse is not taken lightly in the state where rifles are issued at birth (or prior to birth, according to some pro-life groups). The preservation of the lice community will be sought at all costs.

Beyoncé, who was set to perform her rendition of the late, great John Denver's "Thank God I'm a Country Boy" at the presentation of the Pukeys, has been cancelled pending this investigation and interestingly has been seen around town with OldDude.

Supporters of OldDude's cause are legion, and are known as "Pukey Lukeys." They can be seen wearing long sleeved 100% red cotton crew neck tees and stalking OldDude and Beyoncé to their local hot spots.

Supporters of the Louse it Up movement could not be reached for comment.

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I think I'm a victim...of something. Maybe because I didn't get a participation award when I was in school.

Settle down, Snowflake.

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Specializes in School Nurse. Having conversations with littles..
Best thing I've read all week!

This is definitely a "coffee-cleaner-upper". Good grief. I am dying reading these posts. :roflmao:

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