Things you'd really like to say to patients but can't.

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Specializes in Ortho, Case Management, blabla.

I know this thread has been done before, but I couldn't find it in a search, so I'm posting a new one.

Last night our small unit was completely 110% full. I say 110% because we managed to squeeze 20 patients into our 16 bed unit. Don't even ask!

At about 1am, we had a patient pass, which was expected. A little while later, bed control called (no surprise). No sooner than the room was cleaned then the ER brought up my next patient, who was completely irate.

Pt-"I was down there waiting all day, I don't understand why it took so long, blabla, that ER bed was so uncomfortable and I HAVE A BAD BACK. NOW MY BACK HURTS!!!" Just really agitated.

Me-"I'm sorry sir, our unit up here is very full and we did everything we could to find you a bed as fast as possible." And I launched into the usual managing up schpiel or whatever you want to call it.

What I really wanted to say (sarcastically), "The only reason you got a bed so quickly is because the guy who was in here an hour ago died! And believe me we did absolutely nothing to keep him alive any longer than he had to be! He just wouldn't die any faster!!"

Instead Mr. Irate is probably going to get a gift card, fruit basket, or something as part of the "service recovery" program since he made it abundantly clear he'd be "talking to the manager" this morning.

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"Things you'd LOVE to be able to tell patients, and get away with it."

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Specializes in Research & Critical Care.

I worked as a waiter for years and I've always been a huge proponent of tranquilizers. Everyone goes home happy! :up:

You could always point him in the direction of the nearest luxury hotel and remind him that he's free to leave whenever he would like.

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Specializes in Telemetry, IMCU, s/p Open Heart surgery.

"this is a hospital, not a hotel!"

lol... i actually did get so annoyed at a patient that i said this! lolol!!

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It isn't what I'd like to say but what I'd like to do.

I have a very demented, very mean LOL lady who pinches. Hard. I wanna pinch her back.

Just once. :tinkbll:

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LOL! I'm one of those patients who would have laughed if you said that!

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Specializes in Psychiatry.

In response to a rude/ridiculous complaint, comment, etc

"Please feel free to tell someone who cares. Because my sympathy meter is now broken." :smokin:

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Specializes in Peds Urology,primary care, hem/onc.

"Do you see the look of concern on my face? No? GOOD! because it is not there!"

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Specializes in LTC Rehab Med/Surg.

Fluff your own #$%# pillow!

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Specializes in ER.

"You big fat FAKER"

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Specializes in pulm/cardiology pcu, surgical onc.

I have said this before to a patient......

Post op complaining about everything, staff splitting, c/o poor care, yada yada. Patient 'threatens' to leave AMA, I say umm sure go ahead but you can't take that with you as I point to PCA. Surgeon comes in a little later and has a come to Jesus talk and she decides to stay and play nice.

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Specializes in Med-Surg,Critical Care, Radiology,GI.

Yes, I really did wake up this morning planning just how bad I can make your day, aren't you special.

Or the jewel I really did say to a house supervisor when she complained about our having to move a 500 lb patient to dialysis. My magic wand broke and the fairy dust I spread over the renal docs failed. Go figure.

Or I really did speak with dietary,and no ice cream is not on an 1800 ADA diet tray. (Ireally did say this one)

Or We strive to make all of of our patients miserable, I AM a success!

For all of those that may take offense, We all need our place to vent, FREE THERAPY

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