Things Patients Have Taught Me NOT To Do

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Never....NEVER...cut a potato in half and use it as a pessary! :eek:

Anybody got anything to add?

Please don't tell me you don't have enough money for a $30 corificeat but want to pay almost $700 for an elective procedure called circumcision. (That is really what they cost where I am!)

And please don't claim to not be able to afford said car seat when you're carrying a $500 purse. :madface:

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Specializes in Post Anesthesia.
Considering how germy they are, WHY would someone want a rodent up their rectum??

And who what the genius who first thought of that idea and what were they smoking or snorting?!

I agree, that's animal abuse.

Which "they" is more germy the rodent or the rectum?

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Specializes in Cardiac Care, ICU.
Do NOT take an entire bottle of plain Tylenol in a fit of self-pity because your boyfriend is being an a$$**** and your parents don't understand why you still care about him. You will not succeed in killing yourself.....all you will do is make yourself ill AND screw up your liver so badly that you wind up needing a transplant.:(

and don't have a successful kidney transplant, then OD on Tylenol b/c of some jerk of a boyfriend. You won't get another organ.

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Specializes in Cardiac Care, ICU.

Do not drink then drive your 4 wheeler at 60 mph. You may hit a tree, then a fence post causing you to be thown in the air resulting in several fx's, some serious road rash and a subarchnoid hemorhage. If you do do this however, don't be a big sissy when you get to ICU and scream like a wee lass evry time you are touched. The ICU staff will not have sympathy.

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Coat hangers are not for swallowing.

Do not test your new flame-retardant pants by setting them on fire... with your legs in them.

Do not attempt to cuddle in bed with your MRSA-infected, drainage-leaking-through-the-bandages boyfriend. Yes, I know you are "together forever". Yes, next time I will call security.

Do not rip out your IV because "I saw a bubble in it coming toward my arm."

Performing an exorcism at the bedside is not going to cure your family member. It may, however, make the staff wonder what is going on in there. :uhoh21:

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Specializes in Community, OB, Nursery.

Do not rip out your IV because "I saw a bubble in it coming toward my arm."

Geez, if I had a nickel for every time somebody flipped out over a minute bubble in the IV, I would be typing this from my palace in Bali. :monkeydance:

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Specializes in med/surg.

LOL.... I have so much more to learn!

I am only a student, but I have learned a valuable lesson during my clinicals:

never, Never masturbate with an opened glass coke bottle...it may get stuck due to the vacuum one has created!!! And that could prove to be a problem due to the fact that the bottle is made of glass and you need a special drill bit to get rid of the vacuum and not break the glass!!!

:eek:

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Specializes in midwifery, NICU.
LOL.... I have so much more to learn!

I am only a student, but I have learned a valuable lesson during my clinicals:

never, Never masturbate with an opened glass coke bottle...it may get stuck due to the vacuum one has created!!! And that could prove to be a problem due to the fact that the bottle is made of glass and you need a special drill bit to get rid of the vacuum and not break the glass!!!

:eek:

eehyuk! But Please tell us xxentrick..it wasnt a MAN was it? With a coke bottle??:lol2::lol2:

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Specializes in med/surg.
eehyuk! But Please tell us xxentrick..it wasnt a MAN was it? With a coke bottle??:lol2::lol2:

No, actually it was a 22 year-old female!!!! Her luck was that I was assigned to the ER and that I am also a glass-artist, who knows how to drill holes into glass without making the glass shatter!!!! :idea:

(Never thought my hobby might come in handy with my job!)

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No, actually it was a 22 year-old female!!!! Her luck was that I was assigned to the ER and that I am also a glass-artist, who knows how to drill holes into glass without making the glass shatter!!!! :idea:

(Never thought my hobby might come in handy with my job!)

Wellll...aren't you the multitalented lil nurse LOL I bet this gal was glad for that! That patient needs to visit her local adult fantasy store....

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Specializes in med/surg.
Wellll...aren't you the multitalented lil nurse LOL I bet this gal was glad for that! That patient needs to visit her local adult fantasy store....

LOL....funnily enough, that is exactly what my instructor said!!!

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One male patient tried to repair a leak in his catheter with a wooden toothpick. He claimed it actually held for a short time, but then he got smart and called in.

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