Things Patients Have Taught Me NOT To Do

Keysnurse2008 · Jan 7, 2006

things patients have taught me never to do....

1.never piss that er nurse off "before" she has started your iv.....for some reason....it makes us contemplate all the reasons he/she should place a 14 or 16 g versus the 22g we had in our hand......before you opened your mouth.

2.dont even waste your breath by saying" i have no idea how that (animal / object/ substance) got in my body cavity"....while trying to fake complete confusion...no ones gonna believe it so dont waste time out of both of our lives by it.

3.if you are bitten by a snake and go to the er....kill the d*** snake before you stuff it in the shoe box to bring to the er for identification to receive the correct antivenom/tx.both the snake and the ed staff tend to "not" be too happy when the shoe box lid is popped off..

babynurselsa, RN · Jan 7, 2006

NEVER, NEVER, NEVER stand in front of your brand new homemade cataupult.

ShayRN · Jan 8, 2006

Here are some I learned from my days as a correction nurse:

If you let hundreds of cockroaches live in your boots, chances are pretty good the nice officers will find a reason to let you out of jail, that night. :barf02:

Don't tell the nurse that you "NOT PREGNANT, your mom just called and said that because she wanted you to have more food on your dinner trays. " Then, when those pesky abdominal pains start 8 hours later, don't insist it is kidney stones. Trust me, when the baby girl comes out, we CAN tell the difference.

Don't tell the nice nurse that you can't breath because of COPD when you are being brought in on charges of arson, you probably won't get much sympathy.

Don't call the medical staff to come and remove drugs/money/pipes from your orifice. You put it there, you can take it out. (once it was over 800.00 in a sandwich bag. This time I got to teach the cops something, why our mamas said to never put money in our mouths, you really don't know where it has been:lol2: )

If your in jail, but especially in a FELONY pod, don't hit on the nurse, really if I was gonna cheat on my hubby, would it be with YOU:confused: :smackingf

Oh, and my favorite. If your 18 years old and from the suburbs, and think you may want to get caught stealing clothes at the mall, don't expect much sympathy from the jail nurses. Saying, I have asthma, PLEASE don't send me up there with "them people." Your in jail for committing a crime, you ARE them people. :lol2:

DutchgirlRN, ASN, RN · Jan 9, 2006

Never use a oral thermometer to sexually stimulate yourself and accidently push it up into your bladder and then swear "I swallowed it, I swear I did, It just slid right down my throat when I was trying to take my temperature".

Zari.SVN · Jan 9, 2006

-what happened with the mexican depo-provera. what was the difference or what was the outcome? did it just not work (pt. got pregnant) the baby was abnormal or the pt. suffered complications due to the med. just wondering...

kat911 · Jan 9, 2006

:lol2:

Quote:

Originally Posted by yvonnemuse
Do not use your vibrator at night when you have a roomate. Said roommate may insist she hears wasps and end up with a Psych consult.

Oh hahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!:rotfl::rotfl:
Also, rectums are not storage bins for onions and you do not want your discharge dx to be "onionectomy" !

:lol2: Do not read above post while drinking, anything.

If you must get drunk and drive and get pulled over by the police make sure you tell the poor officer you have a prosthetic leg BEFORE he has you assume the positon and he kicks your leg off and into traffic. The leg may hit a semi and scare the snot out of the driver. You will then fall over because you are no longer supported by said leg. Poor officer will then spend most of his night filling out reports explaining what happened! :devil:

Jerico, BSN, RN · Jan 9, 2006

I repeat...Why not buy your Depo-Provera in Mexico?
That must be how little Ricky came to be!!!! :eek:

Uh, Cuban?

Jerico, BSN, RN · Jan 9, 2006

Don't get nipple rings. When in an MVA the seatbelts tear them out :eek:

pier_afficionado · Jan 9, 2006

Don't set up raid foggers to get rid of the bugs, and lay on the sofa to take a nap while the foggers are kicking. And don't use flea fogger if you are trying to get rid of roaches :uhoh3:

Jerico, BSN, RN · Jan 9, 2006

Don't set up raid foggers to get rid of the bugs, and lay on the sofa to take a nap while the foggers are kicking. And don't use flea fogger if you are trying to get rid of roaches

I am "old" and STILL am amazed how stupid people can be!

pugmum · Jan 9, 2006

:lol2: If you must get drunk and drive and get pulled over by the police make sure you tell the poor officer you have a prosthetic leg BEFORE he has you assume the positon and he kicks your leg off and into traffic. The leg may hit a semi and scare the snot out of the driver. You will then fall over because you are no longer supported by said leg. Poor officer will then spend most of his night filling out reports explaining what happened!

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: OH.....gasp, gasp, :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:, too funny....time to go change my Depends! :chuckle

MMARN, BSN, RN · Jan 9, 2006

Do not read above post while drinking, anything.
If you must get drunk and drive and get pulled over by the police make sure you tell the poor officer you have a prosthetic leg BEFORE he has you assume the positon and he kicks your leg off and into traffic. The leg may hit a semi and scare the snot out of the driver. You will then fall over because you are no longer supported by said leg. Poor officer will then spend most of his night filling out reports explaining what happened!

:rotfl: :rotfl: That was one of the funniest things I've ever read!!!:rotfl: :rotfl: Poor officer. Can you imagine??!!!:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: