Things Patients Have Taught Me NOT To Do

grace90, LPN, LVN · Dec 29, 2005

As much fun as this may sound, do not get drunk and high on cocaine and lay or walk in the middle of the road. You'll end up with multiple traumas after being hit with a car, and the nurses on the ortho/neuro/trauma floor will be sick to death of your DT's and your foul mouth after a few days:rolleyes: , heck they might even throw a party when social work finds someplace to take you. *2 like this just a few weeks from each other*

grace90, LPN, LVN · Dec 29, 2005

Never call 911 from your hospital room to report that the nurses are trying to kill you. They just call the nurse's desk, and we all have a good laugh at your expense.

Just a few months out of school I had a post-op alzheimer's patient do that because I wouldn't give him a sleeping pill at 3:30 am. They called the desk and I told them what was up. Funny now, but it made me nervous then.

grace90, LPN, LVN · Dec 29, 2005

On the 4th of July, Never leave 5 year old son to watch 2 year old sister at the lake, while you and hubby get drunk. Espically do not yell at 5 year old "you killed your sister" when her lifeless body is brought to the ER. (really wanted to hurt that mom.)

Everytime I read this one I get tears in my eyes. (There's a reason I don't work peds:crying2: ). I sure hope protective services stepped in for that 5 year old.

FranEMTnurse, CNA, LPN, EMT-I · Dec 29, 2005

When applying ointment that has capsaisin cream mixed with Tegretal cream do not apply it to the patient's lower spine (tailbone area) It will make said patient one hot patient that cannot wait to cool down. That's a very sensitive area in case you didn't know. :rolleyes:

jollygreenRN · Jan 5, 2006

Do NOT have someone place a plastic swizzle stick inside your member while tied up at the S&M party and then have it break off. It also confuses the nurses, who when you say you have pain, wonder whether you want pain meds, or are just enjoying the feeling.

hmhheartmender · Jan 6, 2006

Dont go to a critical care nursing party and fall up the stairs slicing your knee cap wide open then let your drunk nursing friends decide to butterfly stitch it with a napkin and hockey tape so they can go on drinking. (That was a little difficult to explain to the ER doc when you finally went in to have it stitched!!) :imbar

Dont go camping with same partying :balloons: nurse friends, choke on a spearmint leave candy then be shocked when you hear them say, "I can still hear whistling air through her mouth. She will be allright!!"

tencat · Jan 6, 2006

Dont go to a critical care nursing party and fall up the stairs slicing your knee cap wide open then let your drunk nursing friends decide to butterfly stitch it with a napkin and hockey tape so they can go on drinking. (That was a little difficult to explain to the ER doc when you finally went in to have it stitched!!) :imbar
Dont go camping with same partying :balloons: nurse friends, choke on a spearmint leave candy then be shocked when you hear them say, "I can still hear whistling air through her mouth. She will be allright!!"

Sheesh! Didn't the first time tip ya' off????? :rotfl: Actually, I've known some EMT's that have probably had the same kind of experiences with 'staff' parties.

nursejohio, ASN, RN · Jan 6, 2006

#1 When you are celebrating graduation from nursing school with a well earned road trip and you're dancing on top of a bar far far from home, do not fall onto a beer tap. :beer:

#2 If you absolutely must disregard rule #1, :nono: do not listen to your drunk new grad nurse friends :biere: telling you it's just a scratch when the much more sober bartenders are freaking out and trying to get you to go to ER.

pugmum · Jan 6, 2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by yvonnemuse

Do not use your vibrator at night when you have a roomate. Said roommate may insist she hears wasps and end up with a Psych consult.

Oh hahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!:rotfl::rotfl:

Also, rectums are not storage bins for onions and you do not want your discharge dx to be "onionectomy" !

newrn05 · Jan 6, 2006

Oh goodness. I can't stop laughing. Here are some of the things I have learned. I have only been an RN for a few months I either learned these as a student, as an aide or own life.

1. Never cut a lemon in your hand for the rest of the half a fifth of tekilla you want to finish. My ex hubby did this. and of course he said "dont worry i know what I am doing." Yes we went to er. He had 14 stitches in the palm of his hand. cried the whole way (45 min) cause of the lemon juice in the wound.

2. Never sleep with four women from the same town at the same time and have them deliver at the same hospital. I took care of all 4 moms and babies. At his request we had them at all four corners.

3. Never go into labor when your "baby's daddy" is in ER cause your mother shot him.

4. Never use foster care as birth control..I had one pt that had each of her 10 kids taken from her. In our state if you lose one kid for abuse etc you can't keep anymore. Instead of using bc she just had em and let the state take em.

5. Never stay with your gf casue she is a good cook. She is also good with the knives.

:rotfl:

6. Never be a diabetic with a current problem with your feet and walk around an old construction site barefoot then wait a month to come in for tx.

7. Never lay on the bed in the wrong directions and lay back to take off your pants when 39 weeks pregnant. And then ask the staff why you fell.

bethin · Jan 6, 2006

On a serious note this is what a dying pt. told me minutes before her death:

1) Don't smoke. You'll end up like me. Fifty and dying. Not being able to see your grandchildren and children grow up.

2) Save for your retirement. You want to live out you last years to the fullest.

3) Floss your teeth. You don't want dentures when you're my age -- and your husband won't like them either.

Ever since, everytime I floss I think of her. And I don't smoke (never did) and I have a retirement plan.

sanctuary, BSN, MSN, RN · Jan 7, 2006

AHHHH, this thread kept me up all night. OK here's one. Don't use Polydent in an attempt to make an aged, and well worn orifice "as tight as a virgin" Also don't get your feelings hurt when the EMTs bring you in on one stretcher, and people stare. We really don't think that you could have "just as easily walked."

Also, don't use a milk bottle to masterbate in, because there really is no other way to get a stuck, swollen member out except by breaking it.

And for g*** sakes, don't ever "huff" propane to see what it is like. The voices you hear yelling at you probably ARE god's voices, and medicine doesn't seem to help. Living in restraints is not a life goal of anyone.