I really like the Reader's Digest new monthly article. 13 things_____ won't tell you. This month it was teachers. So here are some I would like to see listed for nursing:
I really resent when you call and say you need a nurse immediately and when I get to the room you tell me you need a drink of water with a lot of ice. That is NOT something you need immediately and not something you need a nurse to do for you. Next time I won't hurry.
Standing at the desk staring at me isn't going to get me moving any faster, I am on the phone with the doctor getting orders. Glaring doesn't help either.
I understand you just had surgery, part of your recovery process is getting up and walking, so get up and walk.
Your doctor is an #@$hole, he will kill you sooner or later. Please don't sit there and say to me "well, my doctor says..."
Your family is crazy. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
If you hit me, I will prosecute. I am not your punching bag.
You break my heart. You have been sick for so many years and yet you still smile when I walk into the room. AND manage to make me smile.
I love my work, but it is my work. My life is outside this place with people I love.
Please don't talk to me like I am stupid or deaf. I have a four year college degree and great hearing.
Use your call bell and your inside voice. Screaming nurse, nurse, nurse and banging your cup on the tray table will have people thinking your crazy and they will just ignore you.
When you come in acting like an idiot, your not advocating for your mom. The second you leave every nurse on the floor will avoid that room because they don't want to do a thing to tick you off.
That hug you gave me meant the world to me. The thank you for your great care? Made my day. Yes, I will be back tomarrow and one way or another you will be my patient.
Nursing is hard physical work. Nursing is hard physical work. Nursing is hard physical work.
Specializes in med-surg, psych, ER, school nurse-CRNP.
I love you guys! You've managed to crack me up again. Now you're probably gonna laugh your a** off, and probably every person in the modern world knows who this man is pictured on talaxandra's posts, but EVERY time I see him, I think it's Ted Bundy, and it freaks me out! I know...he's DEAD already!!! Still...
OK, I give up, who is he? Laugh all you want, I'd just like to know, lol.
Specializes in M/S, MICU, CVICU, SICU, ER, Trauma, NICU.
Yes, I know you had surgery and you are scared. I understand. No, I can't hold your hand right now, but I can get your family to do that for you. I really need to get you your pain and nausea meds. What? You want Mommy?
Sure.
You're 35 years old, but I guess everyone still needs their "mommy."
Wow, I was 5 when this man died and wasn't even alive when he was murdering people and I know who he is lol
I think there's some confusion here...AngelFire is asking who he is, and to be honest I'd like to know too LOL...I DO know that he's NOT Ted Bundy...someone from an earlier post said she thought for a second every time the picture popped up that she thought for a second it was Ted Bundy, even though she knew it wasn't.
Specializes in med-surg 5 years geriatrics 12 years.
1 You weigh 400 + lbs, I weigh 135. Don't b%$#@& at me when I tell you I need help to scoot you up in bed.
2. This family just lost a loved one and need some TLC, mom won't die if she has to wait a few for fresh ice water.
3. When you ring and ask for a pain pill, shot, whatever, at least give me time to get to the med room before you send 2 family members to the desk with the same request. And tell them that glaring MAY cause me to walk a wee bit slower.
I don't know what insurance you have and I don't care. I am not treating you differently because you have welfare, I didn't even know that until you told me.
When you wake up at 4am because you have to go pee, dont ask me for more "sedatives" when I get you back in bed. Its 4am for Gods sake.
You have a pain contract, which means you can only recieve the same pain meds you are prescribed on a regular basis. No, I will not "do you a fav" and sneak you in a IV pain med. It doesnt work that way.
For the 15th time, your IV pain meds are PRN as in 'when needed'...I am not gonna give them to you automatically every 4 hours. So quit yelling and tell me your d*** pain scale already.
Dont tell me you cant use the urinal because your member is too big. Either you use the d*** urinal or Im gonna cath you.
Your doctor is a pompous @$$ who also told your family that "pain never killed anyone." If it were up to me, I would give you some more pain medicine.
Nope, I can't give you anything to help you relax even though you're a fresh post-op CABG, still on the vent, on a balloon pump, and bleeding out. Yeah, Dr. Pompous@$$ says you shouldn't need any, and that we should be trying to extubate you even though you are having in excess of 250 ml/hr of blood out through your chest tubes every hour and you are extremely hemodynamically unstable.
I realize that your family member is going through DTs. I realize they are almost falling out of bed every 15 minutes. I realize that they are trying to extubate themselves and pull out their chest tubes. I'd love to fix the situation, but Dr. Pompous@$$ doesn't think that your loved one needs Ativan to overcome his withdrawal from 6 beers and multiple shots of whiskey a day.
Your doctor, Dr. Pompous@$$, is only focused on one of your numbers, the CVP. He doesn't seem to care that your sats are 90% on 50% FiO2, you are in sinus tach in the 130s, that your SBP is in the 80s, that your UOP is marginal, or that you are pointing to your mouth continuously because it is dry. Dr. Pompous@$$ thinks it's impossible that you're intravascularly dry. Dr. Pompous@$$ also thinks it would be a good idea for me to get you out of bed and walk you around the unit while you are on 50% FiO2, on full-facial bipap, 5 mcg of dopamine and 2 mcg of epi, with an art line, 2 chest tubes, etc. Oh wait, since you almost passed out when I pretended to attempt to get you up, Dr. Pompous@$$ finally let me check your H+H and your Hgb is only 7.7! Yep, you need blood. You can thank the nurse for not letting Dr. Pompous@$$ kill you today. NOTE: the family did thank me for this...
Yep, every time I put your JP drain back to bulb suction, it immediately fills with blood. However, Dr. Pompous@$$ doesn't think that you are bleeding and can't understand why your blood pressure is low. I really enjoy getting yelled at by Dr. Pompous@$$ when I call him to make sure that you don't die tonight.
I know you had your surgery two weeks ago. I don't know why you still have that big freakin' central line in your right IJ. I did suggest a PICC line to Dr. Pompous@$$ last week. I did tell Dr. Pompous@$$ that you have a lot of oral secretions and continually drool on your IJ line and that it is extremely hard to keep it clean and dry... it is his fault that you eventually got a bloodstream infection.
1. I really enjoy taking care of your mom...she is a kind and caring lady who deserves the very best and we feel very blessed that you entrusted us with her care in her final days. When you asked me to add me as a friend on Facebook, I cried. I am honored that you want to keep in touch with me.
2. If you take your girlfriend out of the facility all day to drink Crown Royal and sit by the lake, you should let us know so we hold her sleeping pills and narcotics...and you should be the one to clean up the mess when she does the hungover puking thing in the morning...but we are so excited to see her walking and talking when the dotcors saide she would be a vegetable forever that we laugh with her while we do it.
3. I don't have any diapers small enough to fit your newborn...but I would be happy to hold your new little sweetheart and visit with your grandmother while you go out to the car to get the diaper bag.
4. I have no idea what is on your plate...the cook says it is chicken, but it looks and smells like tuna...or maybe sawdust...or maybe cake.
5. Yes, I will give you some of my French fries and half of my cheeseburger...don't you dare tell on me when management comes in tomorrow...it is not from an "approved food source" so it is against the rules.
6. When laundry failed to wash enough towels and we had to wash them on the night shift, you were so sweet to help us fold them...now go back to bed so you can work your butt off in therapy tomorrow...you are so close to going home and we can't wait for you to meet your goal. We hope you come back when you need nursing care again.
7. No, I can't give you an extra pain pill...or one of your wife's sleeping pills...or anything else that isn't ordered. I will fax the docotr and get orders so you can have them tomorrow.
8. No, I don't like your daughter...you cry every time she leaves and she treats you like dirt. I know you weren't the perfect father, but you tried...and she is mean.
9. No, you can't let yourgranddaughter spend the night...she is a sweetheart and if I could sneak her in overnight, I would...but the CNA who is working tonight is a tattletale, so...
Well, I DO read lips and that's because I care about my vented patients and want to be their advocate. I will stop doing whatever it is I am doing and GET that bedpan because I dont like cleaning crap off the sheets. Perhaps a vacation away is something you need just so that you can take a breather.
If you do not want to leave the room while I clean your family member, then grab some gloves and a washcloth and help me out!
I do not read lips! so stop wasting your time trying to talk to me with that tube down your throat. All I am going to do is turn up the white stuff and put you to sleep.
NO you cannot have a bedpan...can you see we are giving report!?
AngelfireRN, MSN, RN, APRN
2 Articles; 1,291 Posts
OK, I give up, who is he? Laugh all you want, I'd just like to know, lol.