I really like the Reader's Digest new monthly article. 13 things_____ won't tell you. This month it was teachers. So here are some I would like to see listed for nursing:
I really resent when you call and say you need a nurse immediately and when I get to the room you tell me you need a drink of water with a lot of ice. That is NOT something you need immediately and not something you need a nurse to do for you. Next time I won't hurry.
Standing at the desk staring at me isn't going to get me moving any faster, I am on the phone with the doctor getting orders. Glaring doesn't help either.
I understand you just had surgery, part of your recovery process is getting up and walking, so get up and walk.
Your doctor is an #@$hole, he will kill you sooner or later. Please don't sit there and say to me "well, my doctor says..."
Your family is crazy. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
If you hit me, I will prosecute. I am not your punching bag.
You break my heart. You have been sick for so many years and yet you still smile when I walk into the room. AND manage to make me smile.
I love my work, but it is my work. My life is outside this place with people I love.
Please don't talk to me like I am stupid or deaf. I have a four year college degree and great hearing.
Use your call bell and your inside voice. Screaming nurse, nurse, nurse and banging your cup on the tray table will have people thinking your crazy and they will just ignore you.
When you come in acting like an idiot, your not advocating for your mom. The second you leave every nurse on the floor will avoid that room because they don't want to do a thing to tick you off.
That hug you gave me meant the world to me. The thank you for your great care? Made my day. Yes, I will be back tomarrow and one way or another you will be my patient.
Nursing is hard physical work. Nursing is hard physical work. Nursing is hard physical work.
I don't have any problems with my patients except for the occasional bite scratch or kick. In fact, many times the patients are much easier to get along with than their owners. That being said, here come my vents about pet owners.
1. You couldn't pay for the parvo vaccination even when it was offered to you over the counter, your puppy now has parvo. Do you think that you can afford the $800-1000 for treatment with a third down?
2. No I cannot sell you a bottle of acepromozine, banamine, or xylazine over the counter for the horses we have never seen. I understand the concept of the veterinarian, client, patient relationship. You should too since you say that your wife is a nurse and can give really good shots.
3. Tylenol works well in people. Just because it works good in people doesn't that it won't kill your cat.
4. It is not my fault that you were too stupid to confine your dog to a crate while riding in the back of a pick-up. Yes the procedure to plate the femural spiral fracture is very expensive. Stop yelling at me for your stupidity.
5. Yes, I've read on the Internet where all vaccinations are "bad". Parvovirus is bad too and a horrible way for a puppy to die.
6. I see that your breeder contract will be null and void if we don't vaccinate this pup to her specifications. Pray tell, what state is she licensed to practice veterinary medicine in? Where did she come up with the once a week vaccination schedule?
7. I can't even touch your cat to weigh and temp him. You are nuts to even think that I would do a dental on him without a general anesthetic.
8. Lack of planning on your part doesn't constitute an emergency on our part.
9. Yes I know that this is a show dog. However in order to properly place an IV catheter requires that I shave a little of the hair off so that I can see the vein.
10. Here let me put this shock collar on your kid then he'll have a reason to scream at the top of his lungs in small exam room while I'm trying to hold your cat who is making me into a scratching post.
11. What part of the "Please turn off your cell phone" didn't you comprehend?
12. No we will not refill the tramadol for your dog. We have already refilled it twice in the last month with a 30 day supply both times. It's not our fault that you are "losing it". We suspect that you are using it or selling it on the street.
13. Oh let me look. You really do have "stupid" tattooed on your forehead.
Fuzzy, CVT
Oh my gosh, I'm so glad there's a vet tech on here! I worked at a vet hospital for several years while I was in college for nursing and in med/surg I find it hilarious how similar it is to working at the vet hospital. And the fact that families (like owners) drive me just about the same amount of crazy. I especially love your "lack of planning" one... apparently lots of things are an emergency at closing time after the owners have gone out to eat already and decided to take the cat in that hasn't been eating for 5 days. Here's a couple to add to your list since I don't have time to come up with my own 13 right now (although I could come up with 100+ I'm sure)
1) No, I don't think it would be wise to call the better business bureau on us because your pet has a post op infection and we are charging you for more meds and examination fees, etc... you admitted that you didn't follow the post op instructions and forgot to give the antibiotic we sent home with you, why the hell should we give it for free?!
2) No I will not bathe your evil rabbit and cut it's nails. Please return him to the set of Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
3) I can assure you the veterinarian is not taking a trip to Hawaii off your dog's $600 surgery. He probably doesn't even make as much as you do. That's a nice brand new BMW you pulled up in, by the way!
4) Yes, I absolutely think your pet needs the $25 bottle of pain meds post op. Would you like have a hysterectomy and then go home with nothing for pain? Nice Louis Vuitton bag by the way.
5) No, I am not packing you up some morphine injections "for your pet" to take home with you. I also don't know what might happen if you took your dog's Rimadyl.
6) I don't really care that you think your dog's arm "looks stupid" now because we had to shave his coat for an IV.
I am still a student nurse and I work as a nurse intern, but I have some to add.
1) It is lovely that you were a Respiratory Therapist. This does not, however, give you the right to tell me how I should assess your disgusting wound and change the dressing. I don't think you did a whole lot of that in your RT career.
2) Your resps were 5 BPM, we had to do a sternal rub to get you to respond and you couldn't stay awake longer than 5 seconds. I really doubt that your pain is 10/10. Yes, I want to control your pain, but I would also like to see you stay alive.
3) Yes, you have to pee in the freaking urinal/hat. I don't care if it is gross or the CNA told you that you didn't have to. I told you 3 times to use it. You are in CHF and are being diuresed. Kind of important for us to know the output.
4) I am sorry that us white people stole your land when we came to this country. I really do think it is horrible how your people were treated by settlers of this country and our government. It does not give you the right to call me derogatory names and demand to be moved to the nice private hospital across town even though you don't have insurance. I did not personally steal any land from you and it is not up to me to right hundreds of years of wrongs.
5) Darling old demented patient. No, I am not your granddaughter. I wish that your real granddaughter would have come and visit you just once in the months you have been on our floor.
Oh, so many more, but I need to get back to things I am supposed to be doing.
Good for YOU!!!! You are exactly the type of student we all want and enjoy having....Willing to learn, observe and help out to the best of your "scope of practice" Your halo awaits you upon graduation....May you have as long and wonderful career as I have enjoyed for 30+ years.
You've been insulting, belittling, demanding and completely without class or manners. Contrary to your mistaken belief, I am not your slave, your maid, your mom, your wife, your waitress, your therapist, or your drug dealer. I don't care to know you socially, and I think the world would be a better and safer place if you and your destructive behaviors weren't in it.
But at 3 in the morning, while your doc sleeps thru the 3rd panic code page and your self destructive behaviors have finally presented their bill for payment, it's up to me to save your life, and I'll do my best to do it. I'm your nurse.
Specializes in Emergency, Critical Care (CEN, CCRN).
Another ten additions from a newly minted GN:
1. Don't scream at me about how I'm violating your rights when I confiscate the fast food your friend sneaked in for you. You are less than 24 hours post-op from an elective gastric bypass, and your surgeon ordered you a very carefully programmed dietary sequence. I'm pretty sure a Triple Baconator With Cheese, two Biggie Fries and an extra-large Chocolate Frostie isn't on it.
2. No, I will not "slam" your Dilaudid with an IV Benadryl chaser. No, I'm pretty sure none of your other nurses do it that way, either. And no, screaming at me about how your rights are being violated isn't going to make me any more amenable to your demands.
3. If you take out your trach cannula and use it to blow straw wrappers at me one more time, I'm going to glue it into your neck. Likewise hiding it in the bed and then "finding" it when you ask for the bedpan. That's just ****ing disgusting.
4. I'm not making a social judgment when I wear gloves and a gown to care for your MRSA, VRE and C. diff infected loved one. I'm trying to protect us all from infectious disease. Trust me when I tell you that modern pathogens will stand up to you, shake your hand and kick your butt.
5. I'm not making a social judgment when I ask you about your demented, incapacitated relative's past history of sexually transmitted disease. I know an Argyll Robertson pupil when I see one, and I really don't care if the charity clinic told you it was from cataracts.
6. You went off unit at 2 PM for emergent surgery, and came back as I was going off shift; you were barely able to speak, but you still had the presence of mind to reach for my hand and say "Thank you." You have no idea how deeply I was touched by that.
7. Ripping out your IV and NG tube, hiding behind the bed, arming yourself with a full urinal and shrieking obscenities at the staff, is not a good way to make friends and influence people. I hope you enjoyed the four-point leathers it bought you.
8. Don't stand there and scream at me that you're going to call a lawyer and sue me out of existence while I try to start a Foley on your demented, dehydrated, malnourished 95-year-old mother. Maybe if you'd actually paid some attention to her condition, you would have thought to get medical attention after 24 hours of not peeing instead of waiting the better part of a week for her to develop urinary retention and a raging UTI.
9. Do not scream that I'm trying to kill you while I check your blood sugar. To my knowledge, no one has died of a fingerstick, but you very nearly bought the big one with that 572 mg/dL you came in with.
10. You had been arrogant, argumentative and dismissive of us all day, and no other nurse wanted to care for you. On top of that, you were ridiculously hypertensive, and it took a boatload of meds to get your systolic below 160. When I came in to wish you a good night as I went off shift, you acted like you couldn't have cared less, but I saw your vitals spike on the monitor, and then come back down when I told you I would be your nurse again tomorrow. I understood what you were trying to tell me, and I was honored.
1. When you leave a bag of candy for your mother who has diabetes and dementia, don't be surprised when her BG is >500
2. Yes, I really do have to call the doctor about her BG >500, I can't just "give her a few extra units of insulin" even if that was how you handled things when you were taking care of her at home
3. Your mother has a broken arm. Giving her one vicodin q 6 hours is not "doping her up", it's controlling her pain
4. Don't tell me you've had you call light on for half an hour waiting for help when I was in your room 10 minutes ago and you weren't in the room.
5. Yes, I do think you're a pest for calling 2-3 times a day to ask about your family member, but I'm glad that you care and I can get a hold you if I need to.
6. When you are pacing around the med cart and I say "would you like your meds now?" please don't say "No, not yet" and then 5 seconds later when I start dishing up meds for the another resident insist that you have to have your pills right this second or you'll be late for breakfast.
7. I love to hear you say "thank you" most days I don't hear it enough
8. I understand that you have to go to the bathroom "really bad" but since your care plan states you need two staff to assist with transfers, I have to find someone else to help.
9. No, all the aides are not "on break or something" they are working very hard trying to do way too much with too little help.
10. If you are such an expert on how to take care of your mom and we can do nothing right, then why don't you just take her home and take care of her yourself?
11. I really would love to stay and chat with you, but I have a million things to do. Please don't think I'm rude for cutting our conversation short.
12. When someone has a fall, often my first thought is "Oh no! I don't have time to deal with all this extra paper work today."
13. If I'm heading towards the bathroom, get out of the way, I probably have been trying to get a chance to get there for the past 2 hours!
I know that the incision from your ELECTIVE C-section is painful, but you have to get up and walk around or you will have gas pains that are even worse. You chose to have an 8-inch incision instead of a lady partsl birth. Quit whining and get moving.
Please do not ring your call bell and ask me to come and change your baby's diaper. There's a drawerful of diapers and wipes for you to use and this is your THIRD child. It's like riding a bike - it'll come back to you.
I love it when a patient tells me her pain from a lady partsl birth is 12 out of 10 and when I go to her room to administer Percocet, she is snoring like a chainsaw and I can barely wake her.
Don't tell me you weren't smoking in your bathroom. I'm not stupid. Everything in the room, including you and the baby, reeks of cigarettes.
No, relative-of-my-patient, I can't tell you what that thing is on your neck. Go to the doctor.
No, I cannot get you a couple more packs of diapers and formula "for the road". Go to CVS or Target and buy them like everyone else. Your husband winking at me does not help to influence my answer.
I understand that you have never slept away from your husband since you got married, but I don't really need to come into your room in the middle of the night to see your husband in his tighty-whities spooning you in the hospital bed. Ugh.
If you are old enough to have a baby, you are too old to bring your blankie to the hospital.
No, I can't give your husband "a couple of Percs" to help his back because it hurts from the hospital cot. He can go home and sleep.
Please do not tell me 8 hours after you gave birth that you "used up" every single pad and pair of disposable panties that we gave you. If you needed to use that many pads, you are hemorrhaging. Call your husband and tell him to bring them back.
Do not come into my nursery and follow me around while I am assessing/bathing your newborn. You are in my way while I am trying to do my job. Stand right there. Turn off the video camera. Thank you.
After listening to three different discussions concerning SIDS prevention, watching the video and signing the forms that you understand how important "Back to Sleep" is, please get the fuzzy blankets and stuffed animals out of the bassinet and put the baby on his back like I told you.
When you use your call bell several times to ask for different things all through the night, please don't tell the 7-3 nurse that you haven't seen a nurse all night and are in agony from the pain - you refused pain meds every time I saw you, and the call bell has not suddenly stopped functioning.
You better hope they never print a "things your nurse won't tell you" article, because the next issue will be full of letters about how nurses are jerks. I guess they had one for waiters a little while ago and in the following issue you should have been all the letters from bitter, overly-entitled whiners completely offended by the insinuation that restaurant staff are people too.
Kittyfeet
81 Posts
Oh my gosh, I'm so glad there's a vet tech on here! I worked at a vet hospital for several years while I was in college for nursing and in med/surg I find it hilarious how similar it is to working at the vet hospital. And the fact that families (like owners) drive me just about the same amount of crazy. I especially love your "lack of planning" one... apparently lots of things are an emergency at closing time after the owners have gone out to eat already and decided to take the cat in that hasn't been eating for 5 days. Here's a couple to add to your list since I don't have time to come up with my own 13 right now (although I could come up with 100+ I'm sure)
1) No, I don't think it would be wise to call the better business bureau on us because your pet has a post op infection and we are charging you for more meds and examination fees, etc... you admitted that you didn't follow the post op instructions and forgot to give the antibiotic we sent home with you, why the hell should we give it for free?!
2) No I will not bathe your evil rabbit and cut it's nails. Please return him to the set of Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
3) I can assure you the veterinarian is not taking a trip to Hawaii off your dog's $600 surgery. He probably doesn't even make as much as you do. That's a nice brand new BMW you pulled up in, by the way!
4) Yes, I absolutely think your pet needs the $25 bottle of pain meds post op. Would you like have a hysterectomy and then go home with nothing for pain? Nice Louis Vuitton bag by the way.
5) No, I am not packing you up some morphine injections "for your pet" to take home with you. I also don't know what might happen if you took your dog's Rimadyl.
6) I don't really care that you think your dog's arm "looks stupid" now because we had to shave his coat for an IV.
I better stop now!