I really like the Reader's Digest new monthly article. 13 things_____ won't tell you. This month it was teachers. So here are some I would like to see listed for nursing:
I really resent when you call and say you need a nurse immediately and when I get to the room you tell me you need a drink of water with a lot of ice. That is NOT something you need immediately and not something you need a nurse to do for you. Next time I won't hurry.
Standing at the desk staring at me isn't going to get me moving any faster, I am on the phone with the doctor getting orders. Glaring doesn't help either.
I understand you just had surgery, part of your recovery process is getting up and walking, so get up and walk.
Your doctor is an #@$hole, he will kill you sooner or later. Please don't sit there and say to me "well, my doctor says..."
Your family is crazy. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
If you hit me, I will prosecute. I am not your punching bag.
You break my heart. You have been sick for so many years and yet you still smile when I walk into the room. AND manage to make me smile.
I love my work, but it is my work. My life is outside this place with people I love.
Please don't talk to me like I am stupid or deaf. I have a four year college degree and great hearing.
Use your call bell and your inside voice. Screaming nurse, nurse, nurse and banging your cup on the tray table will have people thinking your crazy and they will just ignore you.
When you come in acting like an idiot, your not advocating for your mom. The second you leave every nurse on the floor will avoid that room because they don't want to do a thing to tick you off.
That hug you gave me meant the world to me. The thank you for your great care? Made my day. Yes, I will be back tomarrow and one way or another you will be my patient.
Nursing is hard physical work. Nursing is hard physical work. Nursing is hard physical work.
OMG! Please don't just sit there and WATCH your grama (grampa/mom/dad/et al...) die! AND GET OFF THAT G-D CELLPHONE! Go in there and hold her hand! Stroke her hair! Whisper love in her ear! And sitting in the corner crying does not ease her departure at all!!!! DARN IT GET UP AND LOVE ON HER BEFORE I SLAP YOU!!!!
"I am have horrible body aches and I usually don't get to take breaks during my shift."
"If this is a LTCF, I have about 30 other patients besides your loved one to care for."
"This facility is most likely understaffed, and was probably understaffed before the so-called nursing shortage."
"Do not scream 'Nurse! Nurse!' at the top of your lungs, only to have me run in to put your remote in your hand (when you are capable of doing it yourself) or to hold your cup of water while you drink it (which you are capable of doing yourself."
"Your loved one often refuses medications/is combative with the nurses and aides/doesn't eat a lot of her meals when you are not around to see it."
"I cannot stop preparing meds for my patient/resident to get you, the visitor, a cup of coffee/blanket/today's paper."
Wow....I hope I'm not ever your patient. I feel sorry for the ones who are.
Keep em sedated and no bedpans, huh?
if i've got an ETT you had better have the propofol maxed; i don't want to remember a thing or even try to talk. as a matter of fact add versed and ativan to the mix, please.
and what's the chance of them getting on/off the bedpan without having to change the linen...
waiting for the bedpan, think of it as bladder/bowel training for when they are stable enough to get to the floor.
There are hundreds of drug companies that make thousands of drugs. If you don't know the name of the drug, or at least why you're taking it, then I'm not going to be able to figure it out for you. Telling me that you take the "little white pill" is like a witness telling the police that the getaway car had wheels on it.
Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.
Nursing is hard physical work. Nursing is hard physical work. Nursing is hard physical work.
.........and I'm not a whole lot younger than some of the residents, so please forgive me if I'm sitting down to chart for a minute and I have the audacity to prop one foot up on a chair to relieve some of the swelling and pain. It doesn't mean I'm slacking, and it's really not necessary to report it to my supervisor. :stone
I love you guys! You've managed to crack me up again. Now you're probably gonna laugh your a** off, and probably every person in the modern world knows who this man is pictured on talaxandra's posts, but EVERY time I see him, I think it's Ted Bundy, and it freaks me out! I know...he's DEAD already!!! Still...
You skip your outpt dialysis appointment and then have the ER call me in at 0400 for an emergency treatment and you will have a new dry wt.
All the money you just spent to get high and or drunk before dialysis just went down drain as they dialyze off.
Use your telemetry wires to replicate a cardiac arrhythmia one more time to show your buddies how fast the nurses run and I will treat the rhythm the monitor shows.
Now you're probably gonna laugh your a** off, and probably every person in the modern world knows who this man is pictured on talaxandra's posts, but EVERY time I see him, I think it's Ted Bundy, and it freaks me out! I know...he's DEAD already!!! Still...
I typed a longer version of this (believe it or not) but the computer ate it so:
My avatar's a picture of Paul McDermott, an Australian writer, singer, illustrator, comedian, TV host and artist who is best known here and in the UK. He used to be part of the musical trio the Doug Anthony Allstars, and sometimes performs with GUD (also obscurely Australian). Although Paul's wicked he's not a serial killer, and he has the voice of an angel.
On the off that anyone's interested, a couple of youtube clips:
Specializes in Acute Care Cardiac, Education, Prof Practice.
You would be surprised that at times I feel worse physically than you.
I just walked out of a room where my patient is vomiting after a liver embolization for a rare form of cancer, please don't be offended if I don't get excited over your headache from the nitropaste.
If you don't believe I am good enough to touch you because of your religious beliefs, then get the heck out of my way!!
Listen, I can't talk anymore, I HAVE to go see my other patients!
DO NOT WHINE AT ME!
Don't tell me you need a priest, not a chaplain because of your devout Catholic beliefs as you sip Coke with alcohol wipes in it.
BerryHappy
261 Posts
OMG! Please don't just sit there and WATCH your grama (grampa/mom/dad/et al...) die! AND GET OFF THAT G-D CELLPHONE! Go in there and hold her hand! Stroke her hair! Whisper love in her ear! And sitting in the corner crying does not ease her departure at all!!!! DARN IT GET UP AND LOVE ON HER BEFORE I SLAP YOU!!!!