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Things you'd LOVE to be able to tell patients, and get away with it.

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AngelfireRN has 15 years experience as a MSN, RN, APRN and specializes in med-surg, psych, ER, school nurse-CRNP.

1 Follower; 2 Articles; 23,451 Profile Views; 1,286 Posts

Just curious as to what you would say. Mine goes something like this: You are reading page 90 of Things you'd LOVE to be able to tell patients, and get away with it.. If you want to start from the beginning Go to First Page.

elizabells is a BSN, RN and specializes in NICU.

2,094 Posts; 18,663 Profile Views

1. PLEASE stop pretending you understand more than the most basic English. The doctors are starting to think I'm crazy when I call them back for the tenth time to explain the gravity of your child's condition to you because you keep saying "Okay" and "Yes" when they ask if you understand what they've told you and then ask me the most baffling questions the moment they leave. I know you're scared, I know you don't understand what's happening, and I know you don't want to look foolish for not speaking English. But it's okay not to speak English. This is why we have translators.

2. When you come to visit your child with a bandage on your arm and you tell me you just came from the ER because you have an infected sore for which you are taking Keflex, please don't get huffy with me when I ask you to wear gloves to touch your extremely sick child.

3. When I carefully explain HIPAA to you for the second time in under five minutes (seriously)and why it means you can't wander up and down the halls peering at every other baby in here, do not tell me you are looking for a clock. I promise there isn't one in the isolette with that 500gm preemie.

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fuzzywuzzy has 3 years experience as a CNA and specializes in LTC.

1,816 Posts; 17,130 Profile Views

Stop telling me you need "nitrogen" when you have chest pain. You said it so many times in a row that I actually went up to the nurse and said "Mrs. So and So wants nitrogen." And then I felt like an idiot!!! :lol2:

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ShayRN has 18 years experience and specializes in Corrections, Cardiac, Hospice.

1,046 Posts; 13,167 Profile Views

Here is a new one from tonight.

YES, I understand that your an RN. But that doesn't mean you get to tell me how to do my job. Would I ever go on YOUR floor and presume I know your job better than you? Your father is in terminal restlessness, he needs a continuous drip to help calm him. I have given him Haldol 2mg po, Haldol 5mg IM, Ativan 1mg po and Morphine 10mg po. I have also given him a whirlpool bath and a 30 minute back rub. Guess what? ITS NOT WORKING! PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, let me help this poor soul.

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psalm is a RN and specializes in Staff nurse.

1 Article; 1,263 Posts; 10,993 Profile Views

Here is a new one from tonight.

YES, I understand that your an RN. But that doesn't mean you get to tell me how to do my job. Would I ever go on YOUR floor and presume I know your job better than you? Your father is in terminal restlessness, he needs a continuous drip to help calm him. I have given him Haldol 2mg po, Haldol 5mg IM, Ativan 1mg po and Morphine 10mg po. I have also given him a whirlpool bath and a 30 minute back rub. Guess what? ITS NOT WORKING! PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, let me help this poor soul.

Thank you so much for your care of this dear man. May we all have such attention when we are restless! A back rub...I think I remember what that is.

That RN daughter could be lovingly tending to her father, using her nursing skill and knowledge of what comforts a restless senior. When you did it, she should have been grateful and maybe even taken over with soothing touch and voice. Sorry you were "rewarded" in such a way by her.

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johnst10 has 25 years experience and specializes in Pain mgmt, PCU.

122 Posts; 4,359 Profile Views

I have actually walked around singing "I beg your pardon, I never promised you a rose garden."

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PDXSammy specializes in Community Health & MedSurg.

22 Posts; 1,895 Profile Views

Or how about, "Are you messing with me, or are you really that stupid?"

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twistedpupchaser specializes in Making the Pt laugh..

1 Article; 266 Posts; 4,842 Profile Views

I have actually walked around singing "I beg your pardon, I never promised you a rose garden."

Try whistling that tune from Kill Bill, the assasin nurse............

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554 Posts; 8,563 Profile Views

I took care of a morbidly obese woman with a dx of borderline personality disorder. She had chronic cellulitis of both legs, had been bed bound for 5+ years, was severely histrionic, and just my luck had a horrible case of erosive esophagitis but WOULD NOT stop drinking pepsi, so every time her esophagus healed up a little, the carbonation would just eat it back up.

She was on scheduled and prn ativan, scheduled and prn morphine, and had xanax at hs, and was on the call light constantly. Was OCD about how her dressing changes were done. Unable to wipe herself after using the bedpan. And it always took 30 minutes or more to get out of her room, even if you just went in to move the trashcan closer to her bed.

One day she told me "I wish my son had married someone like you, so you could take care of me at home":

sofahider:sofahider

The first thought that ran my mind was HE** NO.

The second thought was, "if I was dating someone and he had a mother like you, and expecting me to take care of her...I'd dump him in a heartbeat."

What I said was, "I'm already married."

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nerdtonurse? is a BSN, RN and specializes in ICU, Telemetry.

3 Articles; 2,043 Posts; 32,108 Profile Views

I'll never forget the patient who told me, "honey, you're so attentive, you'd make a great waitress."

I so, SO wanted to snap back, "Well, a great waitress wouldn't wipe your toosh, because it would be a health hazard..."

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3 Articles; 10,428 Posts; 89,561 Profile Views

I took care of a morbidly obese woman with a dx of borderline personality disorder. She had chronic cellulitis of both legs, had been bed bound for 5+ years, was severely histrionic, and just my luck had a horrible case of erosive esophagitis but WOULD NOT stop drinking pepsi, so every time her esophagus healed up a little, the carbonation would just eat it back up.

She was on scheduled and prn ativan, scheduled and prn morphine, and had xanax at hs, and was on the call light constantly. Was OCD about how her dressing changes were done. Unable to wipe herself after using the bedpan. And it always took 30 minutes or more to get out of her room, even if you just went in to move the trashcan closer to her bed.

One day she told me "I wish my son had married someone like you, so you could take care of me at home":

Speechless. Ok, ALMOST, LOL!

Ever notice how it's the morbidly obese patients with ridiculous anxiety/depression/control issues who are frequently MOST attended to by their families? No one ever mentioned the words "co-dependent" or "facilitator" to them, huh?

Yeah, Mom's a nervous wreck, can't get herself up to a bedside commode for a cr@p without first getting Xanax, has a "delicate" stomach (seriously??) and can only eat your from-home junk food or she'll be nauseous, but it's really the NURSES who are causing her stress because we just don't know how to take care of her best. Uh huh.

Then please, please, lug her @$$ home and YOU deal with her; do us all the favor of KEEPING her there, 'k??

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LilyBlue has 10 years experience.

288 Posts; 4,748 Profile Views

"When you bring in a visitor dressed in scrubs and tell me she's a nurse, and then demand different medications that your nurse friend thinks you should have, do yourself a favor and tell nurse friend to keep quiet. Better me to think she's a fraud than for her to open her mouth and remove all doubt. When i tell her the troponin is positive, and she says angrily "well I know that's a lie cause she don't do no drugs" that's sort of a dead give-away - Troponin is a cardiac enzyme marker not the newest designer club drug."

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~Mi Vida Loca~RN has 6 years experience as a ASN, RN and specializes in Emergency Dept. Trauma. Pediatrics.

5,259 Posts; 31,272 Profile Views

My mom's been hospitalized a number of times, and the only time she ever heard anyone REALLY complain about the food was when she was in to have her tubes tied (back in the days when this was 3 days in the hospital) and her roommate was a 300-pound diabetic who was there because she wouldn't take care of herself. Well, OF COURSE she didn't like what they were giving her to eat!

Shoot, the hospital I had my daughter at here had VERY GOOD food. Than when I had my hysterectomy in another hospital here, that food was even better, I think I gained 5 lbs during my stay cause I was eating it up it was so yummy. LOL Naval hospital food I was at, not so good. But here. A+++

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