Things you'd LOVE to be able to tell patients, and get away with it.

Just curious as to what you would say. Mine goes something like this:

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Things you'd LOVE to be able to tell patients, and get away with it.

Hi, my name is AngelfireRN, I'll be your nurse tonight.

I am not a waitress, nor am I your slave.

Yelling and hurling obscenities at me will not get you your pain meds any sooner than they are ordered. Nor will having your family member or entourage do the same.

Threatening lawsuits and having umpteen family members camp out in the halls or hold up the nurse's station will not get you preferential treatment.

Physically grabbing me as I go down the hall is NOT a good idea.

I do not give the orders, but I do have to follow/enforce them. This is something that you should take up with your doctor.

No, I will not call him again to ask him for more pain medicine. He has been called twice and has said no both times.

No, I will not give you his number so you can "straighten him out".

No, you are not my only patient, and I highly doubt that you are single-handedly paying my salary. On the off chance that you are, let's talk about a raise.

NO, NO, NO, I most empahatically will NOT come get you when it is time for your next pain shot while you are having a smoke break. I also will not bring it to you in the smoking room. (Have actually said that, I am allergic to cigarettes. I did it once, had an asthma attack, desatted to 83, and turned blue, according to the patient and my charge nurse, after the patient had to help me back to the floor).

No, I don't really care if your family has not eaten all day, they drove here by themselves, they are not sick, and no, I will not call for 6 guest trays. (This of course, is if the patient in question does not need all 6 family members present, and is not at death's door).

No, you may not have 3 six-packs of soda from the kitchen, there are other people that would like a snack, too.

No, they will not open up the kitchen up just for you, at 1 in the morning, because you don't like the snacks we have on the floor.

I could think of hundreds, but those will do for a start. I know it sounds mean, but this is why I got out of bedside nursing. When a hospital becomes the Hilton, I'm gone!

Have fun!

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AngelfireRN

About AngelfireRN, MSN, RN, APRN

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Specializes in Medical Surgical.

I would LOVE to say to families, "If you think the doctor should be called for (whatever the minor and/or unreasonable demand is) please go ahead and call him yourself." I'm not talking about important things, which I will be glad to call for. I mean things like, "Where is the doctor? I think Mother could be discharged today and I'm here now so get him in here now." Or: "I know my cousin is getting a lot of pain medicine but he can still talk and I think he'd rather be knocked out so call the doctor to get something for that." Or: "My aunt takes vitamin C once in awhile and I know it's 11 p.m., but I think we should get that ordered tonight." Ughhh.

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Specializes in Onc/Hem, School/Community.

NO, I will NOT come back later. The twenty family members in your room 24/7 will have to step out for 15 minutes, so I can get these meds given and this procedure done. You need to run on our schedule, not your visitors' schedules. (I get soooooooo tired of being asked to "come back later". Then, when the pt is "ready now", they want you to drop everything and catch up with them.) :angryfire

Yeah, dietary has not brought up breakfast yet because they really do want you to starve to death.

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I had 2 patients last week alone call the dr's office to find out when they're coming to discharge them. Didn't make them arrive any earlier, though.

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"You wouldn't have most of your health problems if you would lose some weight."

No, I'm not a nurse, but still........

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Specializes in med-surg, psych, ER, school nurse-CRNP.

Oh, and I also love it when the family member that comes to tell you "Sadie's ready now", gives you that wide-eyed, slack-jawed look of disbelief when you tell them that it'll be just a minute. Like, "How DARE you not beam yourself down there this instant! She's READY!"

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Specializes in med-surg, psych, ER, school nurse-CRNP.
rph3664 said:
"You wouldn't have most of your health problems if you would lose some weight."

No, I'm not a nurse, but still........

Don't have to be a nurse to state the (seemingly) obvious. Very good comment, but, boy do they get huffy. Saw one one time that I bet weighed 400 pounds, complained that she could "feel the metal in the bed (because she squished the mattress flat!), and yet sat in there, inhaling ice cream,wondering why her sugar was sky-high.

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Specializes in LTC.

If you would quit being so hateful to everyone people might enjoy answering your call bell.

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AngelfireRN said:
Don't have to be a nurse to state the (seemingly) obvious. Very good comment, but, boy do they get huffy. Saw one one time that I bet weighed 400 pounds, complained that she could "feel the metal in the bed (because she squished the mattress flat!), and yet sat in there, inhaling ice cream,wondering why her sugar was sky-high.

"Ice cream won't raise my blood sugar. It is fat not sugar." Or "Its sugarless."

Or her visitor, "She can have some cake. It is sugarless."

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After an irate family member told me she would be talking to her boss "the asst district attorney" on Monday about my refusal to give her mom hS sleeping pill and pain pill at 1630, when she demanded it. I told her that that would be fine for her to do, but it would not change the outcome tonight because I follow Drs orders and state board practices not veiled threats from family members. I actually did say this.

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One other thing,I have a southern nurse friend who calls everyone

" sugar". She has been overheard telling her rehab pts who don't want to do anything for themselves (not can't but don't want to)

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I actually did say something once.

Working night shift in the er, just my tech and me. No pts, doc's asleep, we're watching tv. About 0530 a man carries in his 7-yr-old son. He spent a good 10 minutes berating me (in English) about having to stand outside the er for 20 minutes before we opened the doors, which were kept locked at night for staff safety. I kept trying to ask him if he had rung the bell but never got an answer. Finally he listened to the umpteenth time i asked him what was wrong with his son, and he asked for a Spanish speaker. I told him my tech was busy at the moment (she really was) and that he was doing fine (spoke broken English but i understood him). He exploded and started yelling at me in Spanish, and finally he yelled in English, "Why don't you speak Spanish??"

That pushed me over the edge, and without thinking i shot back, "Why don't you speak English??"

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