Hi, my name is AngelfireRN, I'll be your nurse tonight.
I am not a waitress, nor am I your slave.
Yelling and hurling obscenities at me will not get you your pain meds any sooner than they are ordered. Nor will having your family member or entourage do the same.
Threatening lawsuits and having umpteen family members camp out in the halls or hold up the nurse's station will not get you preferential treatment.
Physically grabbing me as I go down the hall is NOT a good idea.
I do not give the orders, but I do have to follow/enforce them. This is something that you should take up with your doctor.
No, I will not call him again to ask him for more pain medicine. He has been called twice and has said no both times.
No, I will not give you his number so you can "straighten him out".
No, you are not my only patient, and I highly doubt that you are single-handedly paying my salary. On the off chance that you are, let's talk about a raise.
NO, NO, NO, I most empahatically will NOT come get you when it is time for your next pain shot while you are having a smoke break. I also will not bring it to you in the smoking room. (Have actually said that, I am allergic to cigarettes. I did it once, had an asthma attack, desatted to 83, and turned blue, according to the patient and my charge nurse, after the patient had to help me back to the floor).
No, I don't really care if your family has not eaten all day, they drove here by themselves, they are not sick, and no, I will not call for 6 guest trays. (This of course, is if the patient in question does not need all 6 family members present, and is not at death's door).
No, you may not have 3 six-packs of soda from the kitchen, there are other people that would like a snack, too.
No, they will not open up the kitchen up just for you, at 1 in the morning, because you don't like the snacks we have on the floor.
I could think of hundreds, but those will do for a start. I know it sounds mean, but this is why I got out of bedside nursing. When a hospital becomes the Hilton, I'm gone!
To the obese pt...no I wont be getting you out of bed for the first time so you can fall on me...... Also, dont get mad when it takes me 20 minutes to hunt down four other pep strong enough to turn your big azz and put you on the bedpan.(common complaint of 350lbs plus pts.)
If you called me for nausea meds(phenergan ofcourse) then no I wont be getting you those snacks you wanted....nauseated pep shouldnt eat graham crackers and peanut butter.
To the pts threatening to leave AMA after berating all the staff because we wont cater to your every need .......Dont let the door hit you where the good lord split you....PEACE OUT!!
To the irrate patients that scream..."I'll never come to this hospital again"............ You promise? I mean, can I get that in writing?
No I wont get your husband a Tylenol and no I wont change your disabled incontinent family members brief.....YOU are my patient and we're not running a 2 for 1 special today.........Thank you, exit left.
To all impatient families and patients...yeah I may be big but there isnt really two of me...I cant be in two places at one time. Sit down, shut up, and take a number
I would LOVE to say to families, "If you think the doctor should be called for (whatever the minor and/or unreasonable demand is) please go ahead and call him yourself." I'm not talking about important things, which I will be glad to call for. I mean things like, "Where is the doctor? I think Mother could be discharged today and I'm here now so get him in here now." Or: "I know my cousin is getting a lot of pain medicine but he can still talk and I think he'd rather be knocked out so call the doctor to get something for that." Or: "My aunt takes vitamin C once in awhile and I know it's 11 p.m., but I think we should get that ordered tonight." Ughhh.
I have given pts and their families doc's phone numbers and told them they should call. I've done it several times.
No I wont change your disabled incontinent family members brief.....YOU are my patient and we're not running a 2 for 1 special today.........Thank you, exit left.
Honestly....just when I thought I've heard them all! I can't believe anyone would ask that. So rude.
Here are a few I would love to say:
-I don't give a rats rip what the 'internets' says.....this is the procedure and this is how WE do it in this hospital.
-No. I don't think your baby is cute. And no, I am not going to sit here and play clappy-hands and goo-goo face to keep your kids yap shut. As a matter of fact, please take that screamin' demon out of this facility. This isn't a daycare. :angryfire
The second time you use your call light for something you are able to do for yourself, like pull your blanket up, fluff your pillow lift your glass to your lips with your perfectly fine hands, your call light will distribute a minor electrical shock to you kind of like a cattle prod.
But more importantly, I would like to tell one or two of my co workers that they are ugly on the inside.
No I wont get your husband a Tylenol and no I wont change your disabled incontinent family members brief.....YOU are my patient and we're not running a 2 for 1 special today.........Thank you, exit left.
No I wont get your husband a Tylenol and no I wont change your disabled incontinent family members brief.....YOU are my patient and we're not running a 2 for 1 special today.........Thank you, exit left.
Do we work at the same place?
And yet....."May I offer your *insert family member* an ativan?" would be SUCH a nice option wouldn't it?
Specializes in Med-Surg, HH, Tele, Geriatrics, Psych.
"You want to leave AMA because I won't give your pain medicine 2 hours early? Be my guest."
"You don't know why your blood sugar is 495? Could it have anything to do with the donuts that your family brought in for you to eat because we were starving you on a 1800 cal diet?"
"If you push that call light one more time for something stupid, it is going where the sun does not shine."
"I certainly believe you when you say that you do not use illicit drugs, but your urine drug screen states otherwise."
"No, I will not hold your member for you to urinate. Neither one of your hands are broken, nor have you had a stroke."
RosalindRN
43 Posts
To the obese pt...no I wont be getting you out of bed for the first time so you can fall on me...... Also, dont get mad when it takes me 20 minutes to hunt down four other pep strong enough to turn your big azz and put you on the bedpan.(common complaint of 350lbs plus pts.)
If you called me for nausea meds(phenergan ofcourse) then no I wont be getting you those snacks you wanted....nauseated pep shouldnt eat graham crackers and peanut butter.
To the pts threatening to leave AMA after berating all the staff because we wont cater to your every need .......Dont let the door hit you where the good lord split you....PEACE OUT!!
To the irrate patients that scream..."I'll never come to this hospital again"............ You promise? I mean, can I get that in writing?
No I wont get your husband a Tylenol and no I wont change your disabled incontinent family members brief.....YOU are my patient and we're not running a 2 for 1 special today.........Thank you, exit left.
To all impatient families and patients...yeah I may be big but there isnt really two of me...I cant be in two places at one time. Sit down, shut up, and take a number