Things you'd LOVE to be able to tell patients, and get away with it.

Just curious as to what you would say. Mine goes something like this: Nurses Relations Video Nurse Life

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You are reading page 91 of Things you'd LOVE to be able to tell patients, and get away with it.

ERRN92

49 Posts

Specializes in Er/ICU/Med-Surg/Home health.

Ive always wanted to say, "of course you're having chest pain and feeling sick. You've been using crack!!!!!!!!You didnt care about your health when you were shooting up, so why should you care now when you're having chest pain?" "yes, if you dont die tonight, you will probably die somewhere in the near future - its like shooting yourself over and over and then going to the er to fix it so you can do it again. UGH!!!!!!!! Why dont we make use of this valuable time by preparing your funeral arrangements. "

Specializes in ICU/CCU/Oncology/CSU/Managed Care/ Case Management.

Honestly what I would like to say is "Don't get sick and don't come to this hospital!!!" This place sucks and I wouldn't bring my dog here" I also would tell them that stop smoking, lose weight, stop using cocaine/crack or marijuana so you don't have to end up here again. Staying in hospitals makes you sick--Doctors ARE NOT Gods and they DO make mistakes.....I am not your magical fairy to dispense whatever you want on YOUR demand..... IF you don't like the care here write a letter or leave..... Just because your husband is a doctor or attorney I AM NOT going to let you just walk in the nurses station and look through whatever charts you want--your doctor husband has privleges here but not in this unit (actually happened) So what you are married to DR such and such you mother, brother, sister is the patient regardless of whom you are affliated with. MY ULTIMATE PET PEEVE is when adminstration calls and says Oh we are getting a VIP make sure everything is in order=----UGh...shouldn't you do that for ALL patients???!!! Insured or not??!!! That mentality ****** me off yuck!!!

LilyBlue

288 Posts

"You might find this hard to believe but I really DON'T care what you do. Sign out AMA; I seriously do not care. You're hellbent on destruction and I really seriously don't care. It doesn't affect me remotely. So please either go, or stay, and quit your childish antics either way. I've got better things to do."

talaxandra

3,037 Posts

Specializes in Medical.

"I know that it's frustrating waiting for your IV to be resited by anaesthetics, and I understand that you're concerned about the dealy in getting your next dose of vancomycin, but:

1) buzzing me about it roughly every 15 minutes won't make anaesthetics come any faster;

2) my paging the resident more than the three times I have already won't make her any more able to get the anaesthetist up here quickly;

3) I'm happy to let the resident know that you think rifampicin and fusidic acid would be appropriate substitutions for the vance but givent hat she's a baby second year resident and the vanc was prescribed by your home team, who are Infectious Diseases, I don't think she'll be happy to prescribe them for you instead;

4) while I appreciate you thinking of creative options, I can't just give you rifampcin and fusidic acid without an order, because if I were going to risk my registration by giving someone an unprescribed drug it wouldn't be this and it sure as hell wouldn't be for you;

5) I know you have MRSA in your wound, and vanc is an appropriate antibiotic. No, vancomycin isn't intended for use in VRE infections;

6) yes, I'm sure you're MRSA isn't resistant to vancomycin. How? Well, apart from the fact that it was cultured, if it were this would be the first VRSA in vivo in Australia, which I'm pretty sure someone would have mentioned; and finally,

7) If you're so damn concerned about the possibility of losing your diabetic foot to an infection, maybe you could stop discharging yourself a day into every other admission (the alternative admissions? You wait a day and a half) and stop deciding that you're allergic to some but not all doses of the same antibiotic!

Go away now."

rph3664

1,714 Posts

Rifampin and fusidic acid? Sounds like someone got their medical degree from Google University.

Chixie

220 Posts

Do not swear at the staff when we tell you that we are short staffed and we are unable to give your mother a 'nice white nurse' for her idiotic demands ie move the tissue box,extra pillow/blanket, fresher water.

Also dont complain to the doctors about the nursing staffs 'attitude'

Oh and no your mother can not have an extra serving at every meal, she does not need the calories and we are trying to help her to lose weight and by the way how can we accurately record her intake if you are feeding her extra and yes we are aware you are sneaking in chips/chicken and burgers. Please carry on if you wish your mother to be modeling the latest body bag

PeachPie

515 Posts

Specializes in EC, IMU, LTAC.

You are not a precious, unique snowflake who deserves to have its butt kissed. You are an organic rotting meatbag just like the rest of us.

Okay, you complain that nobody smiles at you and that you want to be treated like a person, yet you treat everyone around you, even the nice smiley ones, like toilet paper?

SoundofMusic

1,016 Posts

Dude, don't you even want to put on your shoes? (What I actually DID ask my oxycontin addicted sweetheart as he slipped out of our hospital AMA two nights ago -- sans shoes. He said he was taking a cab home, so, you know, no big deal.):icon_roll

LoveActually

51 Posts

Specializes in MICU/SICU.

Re: Things you'd LOVE to be able to tell patients, and get away with it.

If you lost some weight, then you could see your own member, and maybe wouldn't need me to hold this urinal for you.

Specializes in CVICU.

No, sir, I am not setting off your AICD with a phone, a laptop, or any other electronic device. Nor is the "music" setting it off. In fact, there is not even any music playing anywhere in this unit. Oh, and your AICD actually hasn't even fired tonight. However, if you did develop an arrhythmia, I would not know until you are shocked since you are acutely psychotic and will not allow me to hook you up to telemetry.

No, you are not in high school, you are at the hospital. How you are totally oriented to the date and year is beyond me. No, you cannot pee in the corner, you really should use the urinal, and since you have had a total of of 20 mg IM Zyprexa and it did nothing and I had to also give you 2 mg Ativan/10 mg Haldol/50 mg Benadryl IM... So I will definitely not let you attempt to stand up to pee on your own for fear you may topple over. If you do topple over, you are definitely at risk for stressing your heart and developing an arrhythima, especially after you refused to take your heart medications because "I don't need them, I'm already dead!"

To the management regarding said patient: No, I did not use the barcode scanner for his medications. It's a zapper, and it will surely set off his AICD! :lol_hitti

All this being said, I do feel bad for this guy. He hadn't slept in 3 days and had previously been alert/oriented after being on ECMO. I really do hope he recovers!

nerdtonurse?, BSN, RN

1 Article; 2,043 Posts

Specializes in ICU, Telemetry.

If you keep giving your CHF, ESRF grandma soda, you're going to kill her. And don't tell me you're not, our hospital does not stock the orange soda you've spilled all down her gown.

No, you can't move the bed by the window so your dad can smoke. Not only have you pulled out his IVs 3 times, he's on a 100% rebreather for a reason, you idiot. And don't tell me you're not smoking, I can smell it in the hallway.

I TOLD you not to sit her up, she's just had her CSF pulled to find out if she's got the never-get-overs. And now YOU gave her a migraine.

Don't you touch those SCDs again because they are making your dad's legs "hot" -- hot won't kill him, but a DVT might until we can get his APTT and PT/INR up. He's had a clot in his lung, do you think he breathed it in???

If you take the restraints off, then you stay with her. Don't take them off the second I leave the room, and then scream the house down that you're going to sue all of us when she falls. Did you notice how I always, ALWAYS bring another nurse in with me when I come in your room? There's a reason for it.

RNsRWe, ASN, RN

3 Articles; 10,428 Posts

You are not a precious, unique snowflake who deserves to have its butt kissed. You are an organic rotting meatbag just like the rest of us.

OMG, ROFLMAO!!!! "organic rotting meatbag"!!! Now THAT'S something I'll have to remember to use! :yeah: