Hi, my name is AngelfireRN, I'll be your nurse tonight.
I am not a waitress, nor am I your slave.
Yelling and hurling obscenities at me will not get you your pain meds any sooner than they are ordered. Nor will having your family member or entourage do the same.
Threatening lawsuits and having umpteen family members camp out in the halls or hold up the nurse's station will not get you preferential treatment.
Physically grabbing me as I go down the hall is NOT a good idea.
I do not give the orders, but I do have to follow/enforce them. This is something that you should take up with your doctor.
No, I will not call him again to ask him for more pain medicine. He has been called twice and has said no both times.
No, I will not give you his number so you can "straighten him out".
No, you are not my only patient, and I highly doubt that you are single-handedly paying my salary. On the off chance that you are, let's talk about a raise.
NO, NO, NO, I most empahatically will NOT come get you when it is time for your next pain shot while you are having a smoke break. I also will not bring it to you in the smoking room. (Have actually said that, I am allergic to cigarettes. I did it once, had an asthma attack, desatted to 83, and turned blue, according to the patient and my charge nurse, after the patient had to help me back to the floor).
No, I don't really care if your family has not eaten all day, they drove here by themselves, they are not sick, and no, I will not call for 6 guest trays. (This of course, is if the patient in question does not need all 6 family members present, and is not at death's door).
No, you may not have 3 six-packs of soda from the kitchen, there are other people that would like a snack, too.
No, they will not open up the kitchen up just for you, at 1 in the morning, because you don't like the snacks we have on the floor.
I could think of hundreds, but those will do for a start. I know it sounds mean, but this is why I got out of bedside nursing. When a hospital becomes the Hilton, I'm gone!
"Yes, I'm serious (about whatever it was I just told you flat out---again). Do you think I'm making it up? You're acting as though this is the first time you've heard this about your diet/exercise/treatment requirements, even though I've personally discussed it with you three times in the last two days. The hospital doesn't pay me extra money if you LIKE the information you need to hear, and I don't earn any less if you don't. I have no great incentive to cater to your selective hearing, so listen up---or don't. Either way, I'm going home in an hour!"
ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!! :chuckle I have this one patient that always smells like kitty litter...ugh! LOL She's really sweet just smells to high heaven!
I know a very sweet elderly woman, who even appears to have all her faculties and is clean, who smells like a combination of BO, urine, cooking odors, and God knows what else.
I told my parents about her, and my mom said my grandmother once had a friend like that. Zinc deficiency, maybe?
Please, pay no attention to what that PCT just told you about your medication. She's a nursing student, yes, and she likes to pretend she's a nurse, but she does not have the knowledge or the authority to teach you about your cardiac condition. And what she just told you was W.R.O.N.G.
Specializes in Geriatrics, Cath Lab, Cardiology,Neuro.
I am a Medical Assistant, NOT a nurse or doctor so please stop coming to me for medical advice, and when I tell you I cannot give pain meds or answer your medical questions, don't get ticked off at me. Just because I wear scrubs doesnt mean I went to medical school!
Please, pay no attention to what that PCT just told you about your medication. She's a nursing student, yes, and she likes to pretend she's a nurse, but she does not have the knowledge or the authority to teach you about your cardiac condition. And what she just told you was W.R.O.N.G.
You mean I WASN'T supposed to tell this to my patient last week?!? I guarantee you I sure did. And then reminded said PCT that until there was a license behind her name, she'd better be REAL careful about telling anyone about their meds. I don't care how @!$$^ she was about me behind my back later, I don't need her "educating" my patients!
You mean I WASN'T supposed to tell this to my patient last week?!? I guarantee you I sure did. And then reminded said PCT that until there was a license behind her name, she'd better be REAL careful about telling anyone about their meds. I don't care how @!$$^ she was about me behind my back later, I don't need her "educating" my patients!
This is one of the situations in which I take a deep breath, fix it, then go have a private chat with the PCT.
Oh, the chat with the PCT was private. And so was the chat with the fluid-overload patient who was worried that he shouldn't take his Lasix tonight because he'd "just be up peeing all night".
Specializes in Med Surg, Family Medicine, Urgent Care.
If some one is unreasonalbly demanding about something, you could tell them that you don't have the authority to help them, those decisions are made by Helen Wait, and if they need something they can just "go to Hel en Wait". An oldie but goodie.
Dear resident: I'm just the person who checks your CBG and administers your insulin according to the results. Why don't you get pi**ed off with yourself instead of me when I have to call the MD about your 500+ CBG. I guess you think I have amnesia and don't remember that you already told me off earlier in the day when I tried to teach you that eating 10 White Castle Burgers, with onion rings, while washing it all down with a liter of Coke might not be a good idea.
Dear family member: I actually think most of your family members possessions are gross and I have no interest in stealing any of their clothing or shoes. So please stop drilling me with questions regarding their missing underpants or socks when the laundry service fails to return some of their items in a timely fashion. Trust me I don't want them!
Dear male chauvinistic pig resident: Please stop calling me nursey and preaching to me about a woman's place according to your interpretation of the Bible. Even though I never say it I think you are a disgusting pig and that your phony piety and proselytizing are nothing more than a cover up for your truly perverted nature. I wish you would stop following me around the unit and when I act like I don't hear or see you when I am getting my own meal in the dining room it's not a mistake. It's bad enough I have to deal with you on the unit damned if I will when I'm on my break. Having to be near you and do for you makes me feel like I need a hot shower.
"It's nice that you're thinking of my well being but I can afford to provide my own food and in any case have no interest in finsihing off the half-eaten meal that's been sitting next to your bed since lunch time. I'm sure it is delicious, but no. Oh, and a half-eaten (bite markes visible) Danish for dessert? Still no. They do actually pay me, otherwise I very much wouldn't be here."
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SnarfGirl
100 Posts
ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!! :chuckle I have this one patient that always smells like kitty litter...ugh! LOL She's really sweet just smells to high heaven!